Untitled, and unknown

I'm so sick with myself..... I hate her and him but I mostly hate myself for letting my guard down when I've been holding it up all this while. And I hate myself for not being able to let go eventhough I want to so badly. It hurts.. too much. And the best part is that nobody seems to know. So i hide myself and ponder into my own thoughts wondering what if... what if.. I hate the world and it seems the world hate me too. Still I survive and yet I still crave for what I lack. =]

jealousy shall not get hold of me
though desire dwells all around me
i wreeked of emptiness inside and out
but all the ithers just strut about and pout

her baby blues were all he saw
his world tumbled and was no more
this gorgeous creature unseen before
he left the others with an eyesore

i smirked a little and looked away
inhaling the scent of roses at bay
this sudden ache i feel inside
this gruesome feeling i had to hide

so such was the neverending tale
of one with secrets i could no longer bear
i still would not be upprehend
by he who was just a mere stag

but somehow that desire would not let go
and though i know that he was cold
i hadn't a place in which i fought
and perish but relive again i sought

the innocent white of the painted lilies
has shown me the fact of stupid treaties
but i just could not accept that pact
i wouldn't have a chance until i act

and now its over like faded daisies
with drying oetal and browning leaves
everythings gone like he was never there
and flew off with the wind without less care

i'm stranded here alone again
sitting here quietly still normal and sane
and though i want those memories steal
of close distances felt so surreal

I fucking cry every fucking night

so I could hide the pain inside