Friday, July 31, 2009

Abstaining from surreptitious glances

Am a little late to post this up.
But this was AiNi's birthday card.
It was bigger than your school bagpack.
And I meant the hiking one.

Will take orders for personal handmade cards.
Just joking. :)
But I MAY consider opening a business.

Hari koko today.
Laughed lots, and sang lots too.
But I will not try to describe how my nerves felt today.
I was shivering when I held the mic.
Could only hear myself, so I thought I was singing too loudly.
Apparently Ai Pei had the nerves too. Lol.

This was purely candid, I swear.
But it looks funny.
Wait, I look funny.
But I love the happiness I feel looking at it.
I was happy.

Harry Potter was oo...kayy.
Will suck in all those comments.
Am a great Harry potter fan after all. :)
But the few scenes behind was really funny.
kill him
kill him
kill him
I'll do it. *mumbles some weird incantation*
the end

how dare you use my amble spells on me
*points wand at harry* *bizzerrrkkk* *sparks fly from wand to harry*
I am the half blood prince
*walks away*
the end

Yes. Get my sarcasism.
There was nothing at all in their conversation.
So much for Harry.
Hermione has really really lousy taste.
Ron for heavens sake. Won Won. That was a good one

Lai Yee and her chicken head. :)
Never let her eat chocadok (mash and fried banana )
She might go really high.

And Ong Jeng Mei
Who is insanely in love with Disney songs.
And her newly handmade mask.
I like the pretty feathers too.

I can't wait till next week.
Although I don't really know what am I so excited about.
Maybe it's just the thought of growing up.
Or the wish I have just been aching to have.
Please please, just bless this one on me.
Just this one.

Till then. tata.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The sun that stood at midnight

I have thought about what she said recently.
But maybe she just doesn't know, how it feels like to fall in love.
And never coming back up.
To fall in love with someone, regardless of the consequences.
And the self-esteem that suddenly becomes at stake.
If she could have whatever she wanted, why couldn't I have mine?

Would you just grant me this tiny tiny wish.
But it seems that the yearning wasn't so hard on me anymore.
I just don't want to know what is going to happen to me, when I couldn't see you anymore.
I want time to just stop here.
To just be able to look from afar.
Its enough.

Rehearsal again today. Was a total mess. Laughed a whole lot.
Practiced alot too.
Tomorrow, gotong-royong. Will then be staying here at home. :)

''That Swan girl took my breath away.
Or would have, I thought wryly, if I were breathing

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Your existence was still as incomprehensible

I like little peppermint:) Practice was a mess today. Thank heavens Zubaidah wasn't hard on me. Wonder what caused the change.

Edward cullen is still as irresistable as ever.

"then what do you want, Edward?"
The sound of my name on her lips did strange things to my body. If I'd had a heartbeat, it would have quickened.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Everything here is for you from me

I was not oblivion to this ineluctable perdition.

"they were bored with my fixation, it was incomprehensible to them how any human could hold my interest for so long, no matter how delicious she smelled."

Sunday, July 26, 2009

How do I keep up to this endeavour?

I think that I'm the first person in malaysia to read midnight sun. The story is as awesome as ever! I love edward:) and his much complicated thoughts.

To hell with the people who think they're the world and still do not realise it.


went for the usual hiking up mountain thing again yesterday.
still am out of breath.
and my arms still hurt alot.
will not bother to straighten them ever ever again.
(lazy with the caps thing, please bear with me)
went to wong kok yesterday and saw chi chi.
his sister is really cute.

anyway, i'm here now to say something i think that i can't supress it no longer.
i wanna say so many many things, but i'm afraid no one will listen.
because people are so damn caught up with themselves and the people relevant to themselves and their post society events that they forgot who is still standing here.
so caught up with their problems, or petty miseries that they have forgotten about the rest of the world. or maybe just me.
i'm tired and i keep saying it all the time because i am.
but i'm still ranting here because i know nobody listens anyway.
the world moves too quickly and they try to compete the speed that eventually everything passing through them is missed.
i always thought they were there, holding on with me.
sharing what we always have, keeping it alive and real. i thought that i had belong there.
but it seems that i was wrong.
i was always wrong.
no matter what i try to tell myself things are not like that.
it still is.
no matter how much i try to tell myself to just brush off these petty things, i just can't.
i hate you people, and i can't just dismiss you guys because we're friends.
but how much longer can i still keep up with this parody.
this stupid game of hide and seek.
or was it only me who was playing the seeker of whispers behind me.
i had brought you two together and how could you just leave me out?
i'm so sick of seeing things like that. and i'm so angry.
so in this parody, where do i stand? the one holding the camera?
sick sick sick of this world
sick of you stupid people who seemingly stands infront of you, holding you.
when all they really do is whisper behind
maybe its not mine to tell, maybe i am being unreasonable.
but you know what, you too.
we've been friends for the longest time, but sometimes i still think that i don't really know you.
i'll leave you here to go on with your friends.
i don't need you, though you were once my sanctuary, my shoulder to cry on.
not anymore i guess.
i'm still here alone.

and to think that your lives are really that painful.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I'll wait for the moon at its roundest for you to take me away from the window

Its amazing how you can get addicted to one thing.
I do not think sorry sorry is that lala a song anymore.
Unless.... I'm falling to the lala side. NEVER!
Meet my new hamster, or so called the survivor.
Its brother and sister got eaten by the dad.
Anyway, meet peppermint. Haha.
It's only as big as my thumb.

Yes, these are evidence of bite marks.
Yes, can you believe it.
Somebody bit me until the bite turned pink then red, then purple!!
Fine fine, I exaggerated. It didn't turn purple. But it did turn red.
And it was red for the whole day.
Airina, when I get back to school, you're gonna get it.

P.S I love you was a really really good movie.

Its this awakening

I like this :)

I am in love IN LOVE with Mae. :)

Pictures are here, as you can already see that above.
I'm sharing because I'm really really nice.
And no I'm not bragging about it.
Just really happy for my own months long assignment.
Won't post up every page tho, cuz that will be really really long.
Just the nice pictures. :)

Trials are coming. And we're doom!!
Well, not really.
But I am.

I hate how you have left me stranded here alone.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Time will still move whether you will it to or not

When I close my ever to this paradox. I get away and dream of you. Take flight on the window, wishing you were here. Fading lights, like a star whose life's been taken away. I'll fly across the sky and leave it all behind.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I've decided that I do not want to be left alone

I'm someone who prefers to be left alone. And then, sometimes I'd prefer if these was someone to stand beside me. Because, some weigts are not to be beared alone.

I am Princess. :)

Not exactly a fruitless day, but I'm close to wrapping up this project.
Although not quite yet.
Been skipping school too often lately.
But I've got to finish it.
Will post up pictures soon kay.

Patience, patience.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Worned out paintings

I've always had this dream that I was no longer at the bottom, with my heart being stepped upon unnoticed. No longer was I suppressing the anger that rages within me. And no longer was I alone, standing beneath the wilting sky, praying with all means that life would turn for the better.

I would be here standing, but I will still fall. I would run the longest mile, but I will still tire. I would soar upon the highest cloud and still get lost.

Because I'm still human, living on this land like everybody else.
But my intentions mistaken, my unselfish state stepped on. And I wish so hard that There would always be someone to hold me up.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I am Lemony Snicket

For his words do mean more than just watching and listening to the awaiting prospects of a tomorrow.
And the life he has spoken of had meant something a little more.
The meaning of hardships, the meaning of love, and of friendship.

Some things are best left alone

Will first and foremost wish my very good friend a

May your birthday be as sweet as ever
no matter what happens
or what doesn't

some surprises cannot be seen
Nor heard, nor touched
But by feeling it.

Love you always
despite all circumstances

Friday, July 17, 2009

I am still stubborn with wanting what I can never have. The insolent stubborn person that I am

I have blogged three times today.
And that is three times too often.
Have too much on my mind lately, guess it wouldn't hurt if I did after all wanted to post out my thoughts. Not that they're much of a thought, but thoughts nonetheless.

Am in a heap of a mess right now.
I feel numb and I don't want to care what happens to the rest of the world.
My art project is still left hanging there, and here I am for whatever reasons ranting away.
Trials are coming and you can't say that I'm not scared because I am positively freaked out right now and nothing seemed so mellow anymore.
Harry Potter can wait. :)

I can't concentrate during add maths class and my mind kept drifting off.
Must the the unreasonable flu virus that has seemingly attacked me just when I was about to stress myself to complete my art project.
Art didn't seemed so fun anymore.
But who would anyway when you had to draw everyday and you know that you're not so much of an artistic person.

I hope the pretty colours will make my rants look a little less boring.
Yes, yes I know. It won't change my rants into some exciting event to read about anyway.

Have not been playing Friends For Sale for a really long while so I went there and bought everyone I saw on the first page. :)

Only hope is a really REALLY hard song to play.
Urgh. This does not add up to the joyous mood.
Ohh wait, I didn't even have any joyous mood to begin with anyway.

But I still do like the song.
I will never ever get tired of listening to it.
And for the info, I hear it every single day without fail. :)

You're still so far away

Unreachable as it is, your faith that I crave. A sudden longing unbearable and deep. I'd wait but this wait is a little too long. Those uncouth words no longer counts. And as these breaths are blown away, the minute hand dances along the way.

I want you to care for me, as I have constantly cared silently for you

Crystals, potassium iodide something. :) Made it today. Was boring today as usual. Couldn't go to bilik seni today. Will not talk about it cause I was pretty peeved. Skipping art classes today, mum had to go for check-up bu the hospital. Just a normal check up like all other women do. Anyway, will be off then to play a new song on the piano.

It was nothing close to happiness.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Whatever the fact is, I'm long gone

Went to 1U with Wen today for some shopping. Or quick shopping that is. :)
Anyways, Derrick was rushing with our class layout today.
Photos were taken there and then.
And the layout was done there and then too.
Too bad I couldn't lend a hand. Didn't know a thing bout photoshop.

Tried the new shihlin snack.
It's not bad you know, and it's two bucks cheaper.
I think it was called sweet plum potato or something like that.
Going to watch a movie now.
Want to watch harry potter so badly.
But exams are coming. ARGHH

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Thou and thy, can be two different people

Thy promises to treasure life a little more, because all that has happened is life.

I don't really know whats right anymore

Another weekend close to being over again.
Have a sudden craving to watch Barbie movies.
So I did went out to buy one. :)
Kids are so friggin lucky nowadays, I mean there were no barbie entertainment to watch during my time. But then I was satisfied with my paper dolls, plushies and all.

So anyway, pictures are still not here and I beseech you readers to be patient kayy.
I am more of a word-expressing kind of person. :)

So yeahh, till then I'll retire.

Jogging at Bukit Kiara has now become a habit.
I'm keeping fit yo!

There is so much that I could give to you
Just say you want me to
I know these roots could break the ground
And in the meantime our leaves will turn
But rest assured
We'll get through anything
Are you, are you falling for me
Like I'm oh I'm falling for you

Sometimes, I cannot miss what I've never had.
I'd rather be a fool with a broken heart, than to never had a part of you.

Eventhough it's a pretty small part.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

This barrier in between

I had fun at malam bakat. :)
Was doing all that I could do at a concert.
I am now holding a record of recording a 10 minute performance without a tripod stand.
My arms are still sore okayy, but I was happy listening to them laughing beside me.

You guys are awesome awesome awesome!
And look awesome too, in a pretty malay way. :)

You should meet my high drugged friend, Yue Qi.
Everytime she's with me, we'll burst. What a way to put it. haha
NO, but we'll really really go crazy.

Was in lighting room screaming and shouting and laughing together.
:) I am happy.

Overall, malam bakat was okay I guess.
Maybe there are some parts of it which I didn't really like.
But I'll pass it though.

Ohh, and sorry to Yinky cause it was so crowded and I couldn't find you.
Although I did book a seat, waiting for you to come.

Pictures will come later. Patience. I still don't own a camera remember???

I could not find you, in the sea of faces that has now become a barrier in between.
It was just a face that I wanted to see.
But why can't I ?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Contradiction, another way of conveying lies

Sometimes I don't know who to believe in anymore.
I don't know who can I confide in anymore.
I have lost myself, still wondering in some lifeless warp of nothingness.
And maybe if I try to keep it all to myself, it would be for the best.
But how much could one take, without shattering from the inside.
I don't know how to seal it all up, and hold it within myself without breaking down.
Because the things I have to keep are the burdens I carry upon me.

I'll bet there won't be anymore dreams at night, and there won't be those solemn nightmares that haunts you.
Because everything will only be in a daze, a slow blurry yet unforgiving pain, seeping through at night.
And now I am more awake than ever, trying to escape not the nightmares, but that slow daze that catches me and stops me in a hallucination of empty pictures.
Pieces after pieces of black white sheets, shredding itself before me.

A kind of numbness I cannot feel, yet I am not able to make it subside.
And so I could only succumb to it, rather than fighting.
I am tired. So damn tired. But this burden would not go away.
I cannot look after the people, and yet I try.
I try to forget the seeping numbness to protect for what I could now.
The rest, is not up to my capability. This is all I can do.

As for myself. I am not here for you to judge.
I have taken in the most painful, unforgivable moments.
And yet here I still stand, not a trace of sorrow, and not a crease of rage.
I could not satisfy everyone, and I don't want to anymore.
My life does not apply to everyone, because they misuse me for granted.
And it is until here.
It is so easy for one, because you only see me.
But you don't see as me, because you'll see the eyes of so many others.

I still am here, trying to suck in everything.
And I am no hero, so don't expect me to listen.
I am myself, and I am sick of people who tries to contradict me.
Keep your words to yourself.

It will be up to me whether I choose to confide or not.
Because I am human, and I can't take too much.
I am up until here. And this is the end.

I will miss the moments we had.
Or I thought we did.
Sometimes, it just won't go away.
But at least, I know you're happy.
Maybe someday we'll reminisce those moments.
Be safe and take care, I love you.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I'm lost and will still remain unfound, like the rest of it.

I'm stuck.
Stuck to the gravity that pulls.
Stuck in time that wouldn't move.
Stuck in the bleak weather that wouldn't change.
Stuck with the voices that wouldn't evolve.
Stuck with the visions that takes away every ebullient memory.

I want it all gone.
Vanished with every trace it has left behind.
The every sound of silent thunder.
And the unseen scars that came along.

I will put down, with it the unending saying that I will.
And down with it, the beginning of each word.
Withdraw, each breath along with each moment.
And come forth, a new day that begins.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

The last resonance, the first swing


A big congratulations to team Blitzerz,
who went home with the title champion of cheer 2009.

And along with that, second runner up for best make-up,
and best supporters award.

Although I should definately deserve that.
Had practically screamed my lungs out during the whole thing.
I have good spirit.
Gonna miss Blitzerz. :)

Good job to everyone for the extra hard-earned effort.
I love you guys so so much!

Manage to persuade mum into allowing me to attend cheer.
Was beating up myself inside for missing the first day.
Told you I have good spirit.

Went crazy the whole day, especially on the ride to Bukit Jalil.
We sounded like a bunch of schoolgirls who has never seen an lrt.
Or sat in one before for that matter.

Ran, talked and laughed. Which was the best part of the whole day.
Yes, we laughed so much I think my throat, and my pancreas came out.
Wait.. or was it my liver that dropped out.

Anyway, Gwen is very happy today.
Will post up pictures as soon as I get them.
It's no my fault that some other people are filthy rich, and they can own a camera.
I will just have to rely on them. :)

I do own a phone after all, rite??

Gwen has failed terribly at her attempt to "surf" in the lrt.
I couldn't balance myself for pete's sake.
Surfing is out of my list.

I don't really know what to do
I don't really know what to say
Because I would do anything just to see you there

To see you smile
To feel your presence
These would just suffice

Because I know,
there wouldn't be anymore.
I may not be everything,
But I may not be nothing either.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Annoyance, another degree of a mangled heart

This was just to test Wen Han's theory.

I'm trying to run, to tire myself so that I could no longer think of anything else but the amount of breaths I'll have to take in.

I run, trying to reach out to another world that never existed.
Like my existance... insignificant, unknown, and invisible.

How would I decide what to do next, rather than going back to all those painfully wasted months. Time had seemed to be lost amongst each changing seconds and ticking minutes of the clock.
How could I have been deluding myself all this time.
Voices telling me otherwise.

Everything is different, yet it all seemed so real to me.
Who could've known what you were thinking?
I can't say much anymore.
There weren't much to begin with anyway.

I still try my hardest to lift this sorrow of mine.
The one that still crushes me under its bouldering weight.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I won't cry for you

I am currently in love with Zee Avi's voice.
I am I am.
I am still kinda lucky I wasn't chosen for NS.
Big big relief. But Juat got chosen. So did a few other people.

Had spot check today. AGAIN.
Poor me, and the other girls who were thoroughly checked for any stuff.
Had to jump about and shake our shoes infront of them.
And had to let them touch us for stuff.
So much for spotchecks. Two times this year. And that is two times too many.

Saw the performances that were performing that day.
Err.... I still don't understand why we weren't selected.
Will not comment on other performances, but she is definately a bitch.

Oh well, hari temu mesra this fri.
Will probably not be going for cheer then.
So good luck. :)

Just something to share with you guys