Monday, June 30, 2008

The notes

I want to know whats going on, everythings is being concealed from me. All those once familiar faces have now put on a mask to seal all emotions beneath. Its always like this no matter how much I try to adapt to the new changes. I guess I'm not and never will be a part of who I try to be. It all not true, just lies. Its like suddenly the whole world is turning onto me. I've got a few more months ahead of me.... could I still remain sane for the rest of my journey? I guess now, all I could hold on to is to concentrate on everything else.

The notes all make up a song. And the song is played by the pianist. And at first, everything was going smoothly as the pianist tries to put the piece together. And through time, the piece is completed. And the pianist is having the time of his life playing the song to everybody who wants to share his pride and joy. Then, the piece starts to fall away. Its demand was getting lesser. The song was never played properly as it once was.The pianist will stumble ober each keys bringing pain to each notes played. And as the piece starts to sound even worst, the pianist stop playing the piece altogether. And the song was never again brought up to play anymore as the pianist moves on to another new song.

A part of lifes journey ahead of all of us................

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Useless and disappointing

Decided to go to Hari Bakat at the last minute. So I went, Won't go into details about the whole thing because theres just too many things to say. The dances were awesome especially the sexy back one. It was cool no doubt. Then, theres Alethea with the violin and Angela with the piano. It was a very beautiful duet. Oh of course I cannot forget, the cheerleaders. Yea, their stunts were awesome. And the beatbox was really cool. It felt like they were singing to a minus one song. And theres the shuffling dance thingi. Hahaa...they look like they were gliding on the stage. It was funny. All the random moving about. =] And Yu Xin could sing really well, I didn't know that. wow hahaa.....
And after all it ended, what happened wasn't nice. Followed Wen and Ai Ni to McD. Before that, we had to wait for someone to go first..hahaa... and I shall not elaborate on that. Private matter =] ..She reminded me of one part of my past, that very painful part where I had sleepless nights thinking about it, and always finding ways into my head when I never wanted it to. Ohh well, thats another story altogether. And when everyone was about to go home, as much as I want to say it out loud and tell the whole world, I won't. And I will not do it. Yes, its depressing and hurtful but I still will refrain myself from thinking about it all over again.
After those months, those very short months. I felt free for once. I wasn't bouded to hurt and pain anymore. I wouldn't pain myself further just to think about it, since there was no hope in the begginning. I wasn't someone else. I am me. Thinking about it has really made me realise that I have brought the pain onto myself. I was giving myself false hopes again and again. I just would not give up and didn't believe that I didn't have a chance. But I was wrong, I was a complete fool. I was ever so stubborn to go on and keep believing. I know better now. I've learn from my mistakes.

Anger and hate keeps welling up

Until it filled the brink of the cup

Banished emotions brought back to life

Like stinging bees around a hive

The thirst for more was never quench

To see and feel and taste that stench

Of horrifying monsters and dreadful nightmares

And black pits of death all ready to stare

look deep into the very soul

Of hate and despise and death so cold

Treacherous hands ressurected the dead

And hurl fresh flesh for lies to be fed

The thickening fog could not be calmed

Like great fire burning to a song

Its young flame dances and fiddles and turn

As the log is set alight to burn

And here's another shorter one........

The ravenous hunger unable to fill

With innocent rodents ready for kill

Foretell the future it you will

But the done deeds you cannot seal

Follow the meandered river to past

To move along for the die to be cast

With shimmering light bestowed upon the last

The one's face hidden behind a black mask

Yes and so I've heard that the form 2 boy whose class is the form 4 row, died. He passed away because of some stupid accident. Hearing this news made me feel how precious life is to us at the moment. Everything could just change with a twist of fate. You would never know that next thing that may happen. As for the poor boy, I'm sure he's at peace. People out there, take chances in life and stop mopping around feeling sorry for yourself or cower and never try out new things. We have only one life to live. And despite the stupid long same "live life as you can only live once" advice thing, its true. Of course everyone has heard the same thing before but, they never seem to do it. Stop wishing you're gone, and don't give up in anything you pursue. Never regret and live life no matter how high the obstacles may be. =]

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Drained of emptiness

Once too often can drain you of everything just very suddenly. Feeling so angry all the time about everything there is. Have I become the insane amongst the sanity? And the anger amongst all peace? And the fire above the water. Everything that I felt confident off was just swept away so suddenly, like the pool of sunlight being drained by the unwanted fog, dark and musky. All of my inspirations are gone.

I can see that Blitzerz are really progressing well in their stunts. They should keep it that way. Really hope they will do better this year.

I lost my favourite necklace from mum. *omg* I feel really lost and parted with it. Okay I know that I'm exaggerating a little but its true. I want it back so badly.

The sunlight that gilded through the thick fog was nothing but streams of it and barely noticeable. Its once glorious light has now turned into somewhat cloud of dust and nothing more. Where has its garnished beauty gone to? Its light is what brought on hope and dreams, ambitions and honour. The golden ball of light shines down on the ground and cast a million tiny fragments of glass that blinds the most great seeing sight. And to show that nothing was impossible to find, and of great expectations. I have yet to find my inspirations back to create work unknown to others but secretly hidden for oneself to enjoy.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Need more worrying?

I'm sorry people for not being any more efficient than I am....
I'm sorry for bothering those people who wasn't involved with it but had to....
I'm sorry for causing all the unnecessary worries....

Eff the stupid com *especially the internet* it doesn't seem to be working well these days.
I'm now ever more determined to get that printer. =)

I seem to get irate very often these days, especially with my mum. Ruined mornings of mine with little fights and screamings. I feel heavy with each passing day causing more worries for myself. Losing weight in the process?? hahaa. Guess not. Everything just starts to pile up day by day. Every useless words and meaningless riddles just gets to me. The going-ons are passing quick and I can't catch them. Not one. Will I eventually catch up with the words spoken?

Layout is not complete yet people... haih.. No longer am in control of everything. Its all a big blank blur to me.
Oh and an early Birthday to Ashleywie =)
Told you I'd be the first to wish you.
Happy Sweet Sixteen !!!!

Gwen, when will you ever learn to give up?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Its exactly 12.14.31 a.m

People, as you know tomorrow theres school and obviously it be really cool if you stay up really late. But not for me, no thank you. I'm know I'm lame or whatsoever cuz I need to sleep early CUZ theres school tomorrow!!!! eesh. Wondering why am I still online?? Yes well, I have no idea of what pictures for the layout (thats been rejected) and I'm still thinking of who to call at this friggin hour to print pictures so we don't have to rush tomorrow. Being considerate? Yes I am. Thank God mummy was sleepy and had to go to bed so I could use the com. If anybody manages to read this before Monday, please do not laugh at my extremely huge eye bags cuz I don't have any foundation to cover them. I know I'm being fecking stupid but she was busy the whole day worrying bout the layout and finding people to print and photoshop and yada yada. So, yes being the saint that I am decide to sneakily use the com to find pics.(next time tell me earlier kay? ) Then, my stoopieed hotmail died on me.. I hate the internet... Yes my dad has just fixed the modem and sometimes its not working well. So.... yea, thats my sad story. And now, for a moment I'm stoning here wondering if the pictures are enough to use tomorrow. You know what, what could be a better sixteenth birthday present than a printer and photoshop software. Stupid wish right.? But if you were in my place, you would wish for the same thing too.

So today is Monday, since its well after 12..
19 days more to cheer 2008
Sorry people for calling you at this hour of the night.. Thanks for being so considerate.. =]

Btw, I'm a little afraid of going downstairs in the dark because it seems that I'm the only person that is still awake in this house and I need to put back the house phone. So much for livid imaginations. I feel the chillc in my spine. *squeaks* mummy??

Get your cheer on!!!

20 days countdown to cheer
I've been on one whole week without tv. Can you believe it?? So busy friggin studyin bio these days. Got to catch up with my add maths too. Trouble getting to SS2 to get materials to make more poms-poms. Hope the promotion thing for cheer 08 is working out. Can you believe its cheer 08 already. It feels like yesterday when I was out there skipping classes to practice for the upcoming cheer 07. Now, all I do is sit by the stands and wish them all the best. =] Ohhh and I'm addicted to Graham Masterton. Don't know who he is. He is the author of the most gruesome murders and fairytales stories. Highly Addictive. Though I recommend you not to read while eating and before sleeping. Such a gripping novel. Yet, has parts of chills and tremors..
Support Blitzerz yo
The world once round has now evolved
Into somewhat unknown and unsolved
The petty dimension I was once in
Has now chnaged altogether unseen
My life was now some sort of game
In desperate ways I had to claim
The part where I was not the pawn
But the player who threw the dice on the board drawn
Everyones in a game I don't understand
With their own codes in their hands
And as they push their pawns on steps
With belligerent acts and loud taps
Was I too petty and unimportant
To be the force that caused the pawn's movement
With wily artful minds holding the front
Impetous attitudes just wants to win the run
So the game is played with feats of endurance
Of valiant players ever so cumbersome
With stroked of luck I could be withdrawn
And placed back alone with empty old songs

Saturday, June 21, 2008

The world has turn into a mighty stranger

I'm confused. Just when I thought that everything in the world has finally comein tune with me, it goes off again. It feels like I'm the pawn that is being played on the board. Or I'm the player without the cheat codes. So lost. Everyone seems to be hiding something and I don't know what it is.

Anyways, Give a really big shout out for Derrick who has finally turn 16 to day!!!!
Go reload your phone.ahahaha
Stinkin Puan Aminah rejected our layout. EESH that stinkin woman. People what is wrong with the word chick??? And the thinker.. its a work of art dammit.. people can be so closed minded sometimes. Are you going to hari bakat?? No, cuz I'm friggin grounded.
21 days in counting to cheer 2008

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Untitled, and unknown

I'm so sick with myself..... I hate her and him but I mostly hate myself for letting my guard down when I've been holding it up all this while. And I hate myself for not being able to let go eventhough I want to so badly. It hurts.. too much. And the best part is that nobody seems to know. So i hide myself and ponder into my own thoughts wondering what if... what if.. I hate the world and it seems the world hate me too. Still I survive and yet I still crave for what I lack. =]

jealousy shall not get hold of me
though desire dwells all around me
i wreeked of emptiness inside and out
but all the ithers just strut about and pout

her baby blues were all he saw
his world tumbled and was no more
this gorgeous creature unseen before
he left the others with an eyesore

i smirked a little and looked away
inhaling the scent of roses at bay
this sudden ache i feel inside
this gruesome feeling i had to hide

so such was the neverending tale
of one with secrets i could no longer bear
i still would not be upprehend
by he who was just a mere stag

but somehow that desire would not let go
and though i know that he was cold
i hadn't a place in which i fought
and perish but relive again i sought

the innocent white of the painted lilies
has shown me the fact of stupid treaties
but i just could not accept that pact
i wouldn't have a chance until i act

and now its over like faded daisies
with drying oetal and browning leaves
everythings gone like he was never there
and flew off with the wind without less care

i'm stranded here alone again
sitting here quietly still normal and sane
and though i want those memories steal
of close distances felt so surreal
I fucking cry every fucking night
so I could hide the pain inside

Creditas people

Credits goes to everyone who have helped out in the layout. Thank you so much.
Especially those who were being cooperative in taking pictures and handing up class money. THANK YOUSSS.
The stressing over layout days are finally over. I'll bet KY is probably sipping tea right now, if you get what I mean.

Oh Oh and yea, bout the mini pom-pom sale. Thank you Derrick who helped me in promoting and negotiating. I can't negotiate for sheets..hahaa. THANK YOU!!!! Btw, I'm not dumb kayy eesh.. just not really sure how business should go.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Gwendoline is officially grounded

Practically spilled my guts out today and got choked by mum's advice. Okay fine she wasn't as hard on me is i thought she would be. Mum was in a fair mood for now that is. But still, i was crossing my fingers. So there you go. No more 1u for me well, except on my birthday. And cheer 2008 of course. Shall be buried deep under books tonight and many other nights. I'm totally screwed this friday. Help me. Btw, i really suck at doing business :)


Cheer 2008 is comin out people.
Mini poms-poms one for one buck each is for sale.
Come find Gwen at 4 ang for details. =)
please pass this around and help me promote.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

For a certain someone

look in the sky for just abit
and do you see the vast size of it
its endless clouds stretched over and over
to bring more hopes towards the future

though you stay strong with a broken heart
you still wouldn't let her part
you held on to memories with her lingering presence
time just never seemed to be the essence

you keep a smile upon your face
and hide all trace of sadness in grace
you just never seem to make haste
of disappearing without a trace

the coloured stars strung on the table
was left for her but just unable
to tell her how much you really cared
but left your face for her to marred

you stupid idiot why can't you leave
that painful act of what it seem
its time to move and cease all sufferings
and look upon new great happenings

if you love something, let it be free

Hari Temu Mesra

Stessing over layouts... urgh, wish we had done it sooner. I heard Hari Temu Mesra is comin out next friday. Yes people, start panicking. Cuz, I am too. Well, at least theres cheer 2008 to look forward to. =]

your turn

I never thought we'd shared one thing

To create masterpieces with just writing

With flowing inks to match the mind

Of extraodinary pieces no one can find

Your smooth work flows unto the page

And filled it with hues of colour from the wand of a mage

Unleash your potential and say what may

For I'm wrong with what my intentions say

Who could have thought such atroscious person

Could use a pen to mark the season

And cease all time into a standstill

but catch that moment of gold to gild

Saturday, June 14, 2008

And its your turn

So I see your little secrets
Of great poems and hidden smirks
To realize what you never were
A secret story in your eyes, here

Your words unfold right before me
And its meaning tumbles out at sea
Its beauty to match the creator's murmures
Unfurling out every twisted words

Little letters each uncurl with a purpose to serve
To find its treasure you must first find its worth
Be dazzled by my unhidden tale
Made up of words and a pen with pigment pale

Such deepened talent was yet to find
Another one's work of what it masks behind

Friday, June 13, 2008

Would i be the one

I'm sick of trying to decipher your every movement and every thought. You think I'm dumb? I'm not. In fact, I see right through you. I don't know why do I put myself in this situation for someone now I don't think really worth it. You want to die and so I have to come along. Was that what you want. What is so hurtful in life that you just can't get through it without hurting someone else. Being with you and caring for you is like placing a heavy weight on my bare shoulders. Its like having the burden of the sky on your shoulders. But despite the pain I have to go through without having only you as the least of my problems, I still care. I guess being too close might just be the problem. You think that I'm selfish and I care about myself only. You are wrong in every thinking way!!!! I've placed you too often infront of me that I have endangered myself. show me you are worth fighting for and stop letting me down. I can't put up with you anymore.

You look up high and watch the skies
The way clouds move with graceful lies
You can't keep hiding the hidden story
Much less is told till things go awry
You conceal the story inside your eyes
And try to run from the truth find
So speak aloud your peevish thought
And stop struggling from stupid wrought
Your unmoving hands and still hair
Cover your smile and face marred
The deepened wound slashed through the bone
To catch a glimpse of untold truths thrown
Stop hiding your thoughts
Stop trying to act
Its useless now that I've the fact
Chaos at class today.. people being crazy and all. Oh yea, decided to open my own "company" selling furballs. lol . Was screaming and laughing the whole day and yea, watching people spilling water on the floor dus to uncontrollable laughing. Yes, my yarn was pretty much wasted on the floor too. Justin was on one side teaching me how to solve a puzzle and on the other side, someone else is tryin to ask me something.. hahaha. I think I nearly busted my brains today..


Cheer poses for The Star newspaper for Cheer 2008
The things we gived up ....
I've now found my reason for not staying back with them all the time.
The lost feeling, the missing part of being in that team is always coming back.
My reason to feel sad all the time. I've given up one thing I've always wanted to do.
All the time I remininsce the times where we enjoyed ourselves and laugh through practices together.
Where we were always late for practices and got punished together
The times where we groan and moan through sit-ups and bananas together.
And when we all fall from the stunt, we care about each other.
We stood by each other and had fun during competition.
And when we had our moments of tears together..
Comforting each one like our own sisters
And though sometimes in a way, I didn't felt part of the team
And in some way, I wasn't being in on the scoops with others.
But still nonetheless, a team will forever remain a team
Another ripped out part of me to care for

Tham's really cute Elmo.. lols

Lai Yee's half work of art =]

Me and my silly obsessions with Ballet slippers lately. In fact it just started this afternoon

Sunday, June 8, 2008

music under my fingers

Missing out on the few things in life..

I just realized that sometimes, friends are like a piano song.

When you just started playing, you have to slowly play it. Reading each note carefully and trying hard not to spoil the piece. Then , you start spending endless time perfecting the song. And when you can play it, you play it often and immense yourself in the music composed beneath your fingers. And then, the song gets old and you don't really want to play anymore. There are even times when you play it, the songs just run out of beat or note. It won't be the same song anymore.

Just like friends. Some are like the piano song but there are some who would stay with you forever. Like those old piano pieces where you won't find it boring and you just want to play it forever and ever.

Ohh ohh, twilight the movie is coming out. OMG.. in december... I can't wait that long.. sobsob

I'll bet its gonna be the hit movie of the year. i love edward. =]

Had fun with Yam yesterday. Went to 1u for a girls day out. Just me and her only...

Had to emo while Yam is randomly takin pics again..

Yam's kinda shock look
Schools tomorrow people, how fast time went. where did the holidays go to??

carelessly stumbling over

Its late to tell you
The words undoubtly left for you
And now everythings gone
Like pretty mist disappearing in the morn

You would never know
That I've been such a fool
To blind myself and give up walking
And fall down hard yet still keep moving

The memories still vivid within me
I close my eyes everytime to see
The joy I felt endlessly
Things I could never bring myself to be

Would you care for such ruthless thought
To be on your mind without being caught
And care in such a discreet way
All was too silent a word to say

Saturday, June 7, 2008

So much for closure

I'm angry and guilty and feeling lowly of myself!!!!! Am I not the one who tried to help and despite the gossips of others I refused to listen and a small wish you grant me was.... hurting me deeper.. I bet it was all about me. Now the guilt is building beneath and I probably will stay awake the whole night burying myself in the thing I never did thought you would do. Did I make you feel that bad, was it really me who caused unnecessary emotions? I don't know, you tell me. I thought you were good, and wholesome all by yourself. You were someone I could be with and share everything and be comfortable with. It seems that I am wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry you couldn't spend time with people you want to be with. I'm selfish and I care about the awkwardness that might reoccur once again. I'm sorry I made you feel hurt and that someone had to know about it and tell someone else. And now that someone else told me what I didn't know and didn't expect would happen. Was it because I was that upset. No I wasn't upset, I was disappointed. Did you tell someone else about it? And now, I'll bet that person will think lowly of me now. I feel guilty you know. And I don't know if I should feel that way because I shouldn't be. Did you lie to me all this time about everything? So much for everything you put up with and everything I had to go through. Why couldn't you be honest with me? Just tell me if you don't feel uncomfortable. I'll back off. You know what, I will lay it off now. I won't go to near you anymore. I guess being too close to a friend isn't that good either. It always turns out the other way around. So yeah, while you have a good night's sleep recupurating or whatever, I don't know.... I'll be here feeling guilty and regretful . Don't feel bad, there's a reason too everything rite??

When will it be the time again,

To be with you until the end.

And cast away all feelings of sorrow,

To walk through another tomorrow.

I just want it to be like last time where I had no worries and care about having tons of laughter.

I can't even say anything out loud because I want to protect you and yet I cannot hide it all inside anymore.

I want to cry it out but I can't because feelings off guilt just overpower the feelings of sorrow.

But I will to let you know, that I feel as low as you are.

Theres so much to be said and yet I can't.

you've made me go through a sorrow that I have never felt for so long

Friday, June 6, 2008

She besought him, for his Soul's sake to speak the truth

Getting into my little poem days again...

This summer has gone
And autumn is near
Time has really flown
Over the year

And I look back
To see my path
The one with tracks
My own journey past

And I remember
Some things left etched
The memories in December
And words uncatched

And I remember
The things I loved
Of ribbons and powder
And dresses different colour

And I remininsce
The forlorned times
Where time was the essence
Of shiny cold dimes

Such blue skies
Are so unreal
Like a portrait cries
But left there still

So notorious
Were once the thought
And so curious
The way they fought

Bring back the time
Turn it around
Mistakes unsign
Without a sound

Such deep affections
For ones warm heart
Do leave a caption
Right on the hearth

My secrets untold
And unspoken off
When are the times cold
With voices so soft

Will it be right
To say what you knew
But conceal that part
That horrendous news

I want to say
Everything I could
But so was the pay
The price I gave too

I never want
To ever regret
The things I shun
So I won't feel sad

I keep it close
And hide it away
I never want to change
Everything's way

The things I keep
And thoughts I sealed
To fight the deed
And make it unreal

The reality of a dream
Was all I could reach
But it all just seem
An illusion to beseech

So here I stay
Awaiting the day
With memories kept at bay
And so will time may

Btw, sorry Yinky I could't go with you to the Summer Splash though I very much wanted to go too.. Eesh, what wrong timing. Dad's birthday had to be tomorrow..too

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Glistening fire

Overdose of boredom. Result:No moments too great
No moments to bold
Their all a crave
And all to cold

The journey through
With some untaken
Left none to move
On the path that glisten

Memories brought back
All seemed to different
Some just lack
That little movement

The abundance of breeze
And the cool soft air
Makes everything cease
To even care

So hear me by
The soft sweet melody
That tempting treaty
But unreal yet empty

Such atroscious acts
Went unpunished and unsaid
It wasn't the severe fact
Several things lack

Darkened brow with evil eyes
Could never seem to meet my fate
Though these shadows sigh and pry
I kept secrets undertake

Leave the beauty
The venomed curse
Arouse such pleasure to see
The concealed thirst

And on the mask boldly imprinted
With sequins and gems and shiny papers
But behind what you shall see created
Creatures of the damp rolling in wetness

Hear whisper talk
For its ours to listen
Leave your heart unlock
And others forsaken

Into creating little meaningless poem again. I'm bored yes I am. Was suppose to go 1u with Yam Pey today. I really needed to go out but something came up so I shall not elaborate any further. 6p class having reunion again and I can't go... sob sob. Ohh well.. Yesterday was horrible horrible. The price of petrol was going up again so everyone rushed to pump petrol. It like mayhem out there. Lines were so long. I took nearly an hour to go to tuition and to go home. OMG!!! So, today I will be spending my day in tuition and tuition. the boredom.
More surprises!!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


Back from tuiton and did have my usual dinner..
Ohh yyaa tuition...funny funny story
Lets see, it was raining friggin heavily and I was wearing my newly washed jeans... So, my mum went to pick up Wen and it was like getting heavier by the minute.. So we picked up Wen and my mum went like "should I go straight? Where are we going ahh??" Okayy maybe a second of amnesia. Reached designated destination and the horror begins. Fumbled about the car for umbrella. Wen opened her small umbrella and opened the gate for me. Was holding my leather bag, and three boxes of biscuits..URRR It just HAD to rain at that moment. damn it. *cursing*
Nyways, open the car door and the damn wind blew at my face and my pants soaked up all the rain water.. Yes I did fold it up. Was being all clumsy about carrying the umbrella in one hand and three boxes of biscuits and my bag on the other. Mum had to park at the side...EESH. Its like a river beneath me. Went splashing about all the way to the gate and then yea... my teacher's house roof is like some big waterfall. The roof was slanting down outwards so the rain water come pouring down in big klumps... All I could was walk through and get soaked.. Then finally I reach the door. I was never happier to see a door in my whole life.. Bloody rain.. eeesh.
We went up to the room and turn on the air-con full blast despite the cold rain outside.. We sat for like 5 minutes I wanted to go out to buy candayy.Wen followed me out too. Why would still want to go out in that blasted rain..I don't know. Crazy instincts maybe..... Off we went in the rain...OMG.. The absolute horror. Stooopie rain... Wen's whole back was like drenched wet by the rain and my jeans just got even heavier. Walked passed the car workshop and had pervs whistling at us. Wen was like grumbling something about punching them..hahaa. Bought food then out again.wheee * laughs sarcastically* I told Wen to close her umbrella and share mine cause her umbrella was small and it didn't much shield her from the horrible rain. Holding umbrella and food, we walked back. It wasn't as bad at that time, but the "river" was still there. I felt like I was carrying barbells on each of my feet. Soo heavy..*grunt grunt* Reaching the gate there goes the stooopie "waterfall" again. ppffft. Give us a break.. Walked through, got drenched and freezed our butts to death back in the room. Yea and tuition started.. So theres my story on the absolutely horrible horrible bloodyy stoopie rain.

The call

It started out as a feeling
Which then turn into a hope
Which then turn into a quiet thought
Which then turn into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was about to cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye

Me and my random babblings or more of a ramblings... Dad has left and mum has went out to some friend's house. I'm bored and I have absolutely nothing to do. I think when I'm emo, I will have more interesting things to write. Ohh well. I've sort of composed a poem randomly. But I think its quite interesting.... =]

The stinging smell of sulphur
Mixed with a tad of butter
Can be such an intriguing taste
For those who hesitates,

And the trees all huddle by
To hear your thoughts through bitter's eye
They feel your pain and moan and say
Such sorrow never felt so grey,

Silhouette veils cover the night
And dawn upon such pretty sight
The longing of one scorched the heart
Such desire abide ones own part,

Hear the heavens blow such breeze
All the dew scatter and was seized
A mighty warrior came from the clouds
To win ones heart he never endowed,

Mighty warrior so bold and loud
Had to grant his father's crowd
To fight a dragon with scales so green
And marry the princess to be his queen

My liege was strong and tough should be
He fought all through that none could see
The little thoughts of past and present
And the mark his love gave a soft white crescent,

He slashed and thrashed through his way
A princess' heart was to crave
In the moment of longing and past
He came to pay for what he lust,

She sat upon her cold hard throne
Seizing each day with a groan
Her soft hair framed such angelic face
Never a beauty would surface,

Another maiden waited desolated
She was sad, forlorn and hated
The warrior she'd loved and wanted
For he left her unwillingly strangered,

The love she had was deprived of her youth
Time had eaten all of the truth
There was none left unspoken of
All was gone wasted and unsolved,

The maiden pattered down the corridors
Daintily made her way pass the moors
She cut the princess with such force
Her blood pooled the palace walls,

She screamed at her you useless pig
All you do is sit and wait
And groan and moan and whine and kicked
While I gave him my love and life all traded,

Sweet maiden held her blade
She ran through the forest gate
And on a marble chair she sat
She grieved and sorrowed and was sad,

The moon light gleamed on her soft fair skin
Her thoughts all wandered was cold and flint
She struck with force into her chest
And there she laid and finally rest,

The warrior came within the palace walls
And saw the princess dead on the floor
He ran out into the night just to find
The other maiden he thought would be fine,

And then he paused to see such beauty
Gleamed under the moon upon cold daisies
He wept and know what he truly loved
But was too late to save what he could,

Mighty warrior unlatched his sword
He drank poison in which he poured
He laid beside his loving maiden
And sealed their fate once and for all.

The forest beings saw what become of them
They crept closer and saw what went
Soft rain poured and sorrowed for
The warrior and the maiden who never came thro,

And night dawned upon those two
One noble the other fought and flew
Dark mist swirled above their heads
Now they will be together by made,

Hard rock sprouted from the ground
And covered them with a crown
A mausoleum with them inside
Separated the harsh cruel world outside,

And to this day their love is strong
Though the warrior deed was wrong
The heavens glowed their eyes on them
The two noble lovers whose story had come to an end

by Gwen

Monday, June 2, 2008

What do cheerleaders need?? Team Spirit!!!!

Am being a little high spirited right now... Bought new coloured yarn. YAY!! hahaa. made lots of the little surprises just now while watching dragonfly. Good movie.
heyy you
what do we need
yes you
what do we need
team spirit
yes team spirit
oh yea

I'm backkkk

Feeling a little bimbotic
Hello?? Done with tuitions for the day, today that is. Then there is always tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. I sound like Shakespeare don't I?? okayy.... Planning to stay up late as usual.. Have only like 6 more days to do that.. sob.sob. Feeling down in the dumps. I was feeling a little high-spirited this afternoon so I went out to buy yarn... Do they resemble anything?? If you are smart you will know instantly. Nyways, will probably be working at my surprise tonight.. =] Oh yaa, I went to SS2 market just now, was raining and the air was really humid. Saw really funny people dressed in their own funny way... Clothes...urgghh. If I win like a million bucks, the first place I rush off to is the market. Its like a maze in there. Where you can find little treasures yourself...


Do you love my new header??? Me too.. I finally found out how to do it...ahahaha
Nyways, one more week till school reopens.. sad sad. better enjoy it while it lasts.
Will probably be really busy with tuitions this whole week.. haih. Public holiday entitled for school only... Didn't go anywhere interesting. Dad is leaving for Bangkok tomorrow. So, that leaves me , my mum , my ( untalkable) sister, and my maid. People out there, if there is any online game thats nice to play, besides counter strike...XD Please let me know. I'm just staring at the com blinding my eyes, not knowing what to do.. Do you smell lunch?? XD

Its two am

Hahaa I'm still awake. Its amazing. Now I'm just busy annoying people. My specialty, what I do best.. =]
Playing with personality tests right now. I'm down right bored to the bone.
Do you know that my american name is Angela Renee King?? lols
I am still torn between choosing to give up or still go on. I don't know if my hopes are still up high anymore. I guess what happened before shall all turn into a dream and not recalled anymore. How much longer do I have to wait or am I just being let down and played all along. I don't know and I don't know. I can probably say I don't know all night long. Everyone tells me a different thing. Who should I listen to..Majority?? My instincts are just blind when I need them most... URGHH

You Are a White Flower
A white flower tends to represent purity, simple beauty, and modesty.At times, you are dignified like a magnolia.And at other times, you represent great ecstasy, like a white orchid.And more than you wish, you're a little boastful, like a white hydrangea.

Its 2.30am.... And i'm still awake..wheeeee

Your Noble British Name Is: ( just bored)
Lady Caitlin Josephine Ironside

Your Heart is Feeling Broken
Your heart is pretty much destroyed right now, and it's hard for you to think of anything else.You are in deep despair, and sometimes it feels like you will never love again.Your hear may be at its lowest point right now. Things can only get better from here.Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: Being swept away by the wrong personYour current outlook on love: You find yourself wondering if love is ever worth itYour love life will improve if you: Take a lot of steps back. You're in no shape to fall in love right now.Watch out for: Anyone who may try to take advantage of your fragile state.

Your Mind is 64% Cluttered
Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need.Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

I wanna scream my heart out and say everything kept inside. how much longer can you keep them.
Yes I conceal too many things from everyone.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

You've got me stuck on it

More headers..wheeeee

This is Baileys, my fave drink. Mum and Dad are back. Lazy to edit the other post so I shall just add in. Notice my dinner? Maggi mee with algae. No fine its not algae but seaweed. Yummm... looks disgusting?? I know

Headers for the future.. =]

People, I wanna go ice-skating... URGH!! I'm temporary on the lock down... Shall not elaborate bout it..
Headers!!! yess.. hahaa I absolutely love them. Until I can find a way to make it into a header....
There goes my another cup of Baileys... I just love the chocolate smell..mmmm

Downright empty

Everythings so nostalgic to me now. Every single thing I see, hold or feel just links it all back to memories. And yes it still hurts deep down. I don't think that I can ever get over it. I still try my very best. I still hope pigs will fly one day. (Me and yam's inside joke)

I'll have you knowing that you would have thought of me

In this place where I go that nobody knows
Where the river flows
And I call it home
Where theres no more lies
And the darkness subsides
And nobody cries
Theres only butterflies

I'm sitting infront of the com the whole day and I can't get any more bored. So, this post will be really random cuz I actually don't know what I'm suppose to be saying or posting.. Ohh wat-ev. ppffft
I wonder what everybody is doing at this ungodly hour?? kayy fine its not that ungodly... its just ungodly to me cause nobody is online to chat with me. I'm stuck in this house for the rest of the week...urgghh.. Mom and Dad is leaving tonight for some wedding dinner leaving me with maggi mee and the tv. I'll just have to make the best of the house tonight....heehee

Does wishes ever come true?

Was happiness suppose to be pursued or left to pursue? Was it ever mine to take? Was happiness ever mine at all? Everyday I sit down to wonder, how long will take to find my happiness. If I've found my happiness, will it ever stay mine? Sure I've got nearly everything I wanted...emphasize on the nearly. But still some things are not mine to take or even dream off. Am I really going again the rules by dreaming? of you? I never wanted to know every intimate detail, down to the bottom of the truth. It hurts, so deeply. I will stop now. Stop chasing that impossible dream of mine. That ignorant unstoppable haunting.... I want you ever so badly, unfortunately I know you well enough to know that you will never be mine.

Armour girl

I guess I'm gonna start my book reading marathon again. There is just nothing to do and I ended up playing barbie games last night online.. Now you see how desperate I am... Barbie games at this age..haha. Though I still kinda miss playing them. XD Oh ya, and then there is this story bout this armour girl whose story is very similar to someone... There was this girl who makes armour for the royal family. The prince was always going for battles so he visited the armoury all the time. And one day, the girl happened to be at the armoury making new armour. He saw what beautiful eyes she had and her dark brown hair floated about her face. She was at hard work slaying through the fire and the armour. He went up to her and made conversation. Her voice was soft like the gentle breeze. He should know better than to tallk to a humble servant working at the armoury when he was engaged to a princess from the North. But he was lonely and he had no one to talk to in the castle. Everyone was always pacing around busy with unfinished work. He went to the armoury everyday and everytime he had to talk to her and watch her work. Sometimes, he would teach her how to handle a sword. Then one day, the princess from the North came to visit her fiance before the wedding. He saw her in her shimmering long dress and golden ringlets framed her angelic face. She has beautiful smooth skin that just seems to glow. Her eyes were a deep blue-green that made him to want to look at it forever. She was indeed very beautiful, and what a princess should be. he instantly forgot about the girl in the armoury and never went back there anymore. She was used and when done with, forgotten. Her heart broke. He left with the princess to her palace int he North and never spoke to armour girl anymore. She was just his girl for the moment until he found another. She disappeared in the night one day and was never found again...

Its 1 in the morning

Seemingly the days go by unnoticed....
Candles were blowned..........
Wishes were being left ungranted....
Hopes were let down......
And faith was never found.
I'm sick and in pain, for knowing that miracles don't occur anymore.
That once lavish memory just disappears, breaking down everything I have worked hard for .
I am torned between giving up and going on. What if... I don't know anything anymore. I am at a lost for words. Everything is just not right. I feel the pain deep down, finding that it was so long ago. That clear memory was so very long ago. A fact I didn't realise until now. I thought there was still hope because I see that hope kept alive by so many people. And yet I still see, people being let down by what they had faith in for so long and they are not willing to give up. How long will they need to wait to know that its never coming back? I've learned and now I heal ever so slowly from pain I feel now and more I dread will come.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect, it means that you've learned to look past the imperfections.
It always rains the hardest, on people who deserves the sun.
One of the toughest parts in life is deciding when to give up and when to try harder.
Is all that we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?