Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The yearning still aches inside

Because this distance felt so surreal

Loves to bits, smiles;

Monday, April 27, 2009

Just deteriorate

You stupid fool, you're not the same
you think I'm the pawn in this wild game
I hate your voice, I hate your laugh
you think you are just all that tough
You think you've got everyone right here
you think all of them are just so near
So go ahead and bitch about
and tell everyone of those who pout
I'm all alone, but I don't care
I have nothing with you to share
Do whatever you want, whatever you will
let's see how long you could keep this up till
I'm sick of your stupid swinging mood
pick one and keep it there if you could
So lay off, lay dead
the sun's already up
suppress your anger in this small cup
The list goes on, these words still flow
because this anger would not go

Sunday, April 26, 2009

on the other side

I do not want to love you
because that is everyone else's job
it is the job of others
whose position soars
girls I've grown up with
girls who line the field
to watch you sprint and score
your face
a never ending flush of tiny victories

I do not wan to love you
because I fall to ruins watching you
running and sprinting
and lobbing things
into the air so high
they might never come down

I do not want to think of you
walking towards me
I do not want to think about you
at night, when no one is thinking of me

so I am giving you to other girls
they can have you and the smiles
that smiles down upon you
they can have you
and the sky that opens up for you
they can have you
and they can keep you

the skies are full of stars
so why keep staring at the one
that have spun forever
out of reach
simply because they shine the brightest
of the rest

If it was only but a dream

Your words no longer hold the solace I need.
Their empty and hollow.
And they hold no meaning.
How could you.
You think that I would just follow your words,
like silly sheeps following the wooden staff of the shepherd.
This is not working out.
I'm sorry.

If this could be but a dream, a speck of life in this solemn reality.
Because if this forbidden secret would only let me go,
I would try to break free.

Went to TGI Fridays for Whitney's birthday dinner.
Didn't sat there for long, cuz we went to book tickets to the the uninvited.
Had bites, paid bills and left.
This was the scary part.
I thought the movie was not bad, and it was okay.

we were already running late and the movie started..

I pushed back the curtains to go in and then I saw this dead women's head turned to stare at the screen. I screamed and ran out.

The whole movie was so twisted but I guess it was okay.
Me and Yinky did most of the screaming that night.
It was damn friggin scary.
I think if there wasn't any chair handle bars separating us,
I'd probably use Yinky to cover my face.
I saw a man in the couple seat next to me who was practically sittin on his girlfriend. LOLs

It was THAT scary. Though Leanne watched it like it was cartoon.

Had music blastin through my ears at high volume.
The flashes on screen between my lids really scared me.
I kept looking at Yinky who was I guess as afraid as I am.
Never watch a horror movie at night.
I don't even wanna post up the picture of the movie poster.

Couldn't sleep the whole night.
Ended up reading sejarah till I dozed off.
Which didn't lasted very long.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Mid-terms are approaching really close

Mid-terms are in two weeks you know.
The time-table is here already.
And SPM's time-table is also out already.
I am doomed.
Will be studying the whole day until dinner.
Celebrating Whitney Kok's belated birthday at TGI Fridays.
See you real soon.

Against all the oddities of this world

I don't know whether what I did was right or not.
Had I really made the right decision?
Was it real, or was it just another lie?
But how long could I still hold up.

I'll try my best, for his sake and mine.
So both wouldn't hurt, at the same time.

I'm sorry but you have to give me time.

Can you still hope when you know that everything's hopeless for you?
But can you give someone else hope eventhough you know it's hopeless?

Everything is gone.
Every hope I had disappeared, and vanished.
You had everything.
And you'd still want to grab ever last hope I have.
I fuckin hate you.
You think you have everything when you don't.
All you do was leech on someone else until, they walk away...
Leaving you buried in the mud.
You're nothing, but the air that moves around you.
And the mud that swirls on the ground.
You feed on someone else, until there's nothing to feed on.
Stand up, and see who you are.
Nothingness, only the silver streak of light reflected in the mirror.

Even though you have everything I could never have.
I'm still glad that I'm not you.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The unwielding light

A Happy Birthday to WHITNEY KOK.
the one pouting in the middle.
The most unforgettable crazzy woman in SMKBUD(4).
Have a great seventeen this year. :)

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I hate you and everything about you

Chinese tuition teacher was doing some energy transfering thingi.

You stupid stupid STUPID ungrateful pig.
And thats all I have to say to you.

Gwen will be limping for the next two weeks.
Haih.. so much for cursing other people.
Will promise to be good.

Stayed up to watch sleepy hollow yesterday.
The Tim Burton directed movie.
I guess it was okay and a little funny at the same time.
But there were really scary parts too.
Johnny Depp is truly an amazing actor. :)

Lets see... I have about two more weeks to finish my art project.
And then there's exams coming.
Oh, and the moral project.
And her birthday dinner. :]

Pluss.. Gwen can't walk properly.
Doesn't that just adds to the list.

Zubaidah walked out of class yesterday.
We even managed to make her, pn. zubaidah, walk out of class.
Now isn't that something.

The goodness of cuppacakes!
For viewing purposes only: Control your desire for licking the screen.

A Happy Birthday to NgJaz. An insolence of demeanor.
Cupcakes again? As usual.
You are definately in debt of owing me two birthday presents.

Next up is Whitney Kok.
The ever roving chatter box.
Bet you can't wait.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

With your presence can I live through the monotomy of this life

Don't you just love these? :)
Pretty pretty butterflies.

Gwen is absolutely disappointed.
Absolutely, incredibly, undescribably disappointed.
Sure, she's felt disappointed many a time before.
But this was bad.
Okay fine it wasn't that bad. But it was quite a blow for me.
I guess I had too high hopes of myself.
Thanks anyway to the 25 or more people who helped in a way.

Gwen did not win the painting competition.
And teacher made her sit there alone for two hours under the boiling hot sun.
Couldn't write properly for a few hours.
Strained my arm muscles, supporting myself and painting at the same time.
There's a big ugly purple bruise on my back now and it hurts.
Oh crap.
And thank you to whoever you are that left a plaster on my seat.
Had a cut on my finger yesterday but no plaster. :)

Wenyi, I'm sorry your bola baling team didn't turn out right.
But I guess it was a good try right?
Gwen can become a potential fortune teller.
Told you they will pokai. LOL
At least in a game.
Lose one, draw one, win one.
How did you know the results so quickly anyway.
Sorry for being stingy, but at least it benefit me and someone else. Indirectly...
;) smile.

Gwen feels very happy.

This is to all APRIL babies. And Whitney. :)

would i say this much,
of words that mean as such
on a blue inked dusty day
would turn these mulled thoughts a little less grey

the bright sun smiles right from beyond
bringing with it rays that shone
to hide all irate clouds that stayed
painting the sky a brighter shade

just these words i bid to you
of innocuous wishes and small pranks too
a little older each moment, a little older with time
a little wiser each second, with the winds they sigh

Monday, April 13, 2009

Has the end fallen upon us?

Gwen is in a unspeakably huge dilemma.
I have sent about 25 messages to people asking for other people's number. URGH!
Teacher, how could yo be so blur.
How could I be so blurr?? I didn't get her number. Hahaa.
Help me.
Is it on Wednesday or tomorrow. OMG.
I am practically strangling myself here waiting for people's reply.
HELLO!! Are you deaf or what.
Has the world closed their ears at this hour.
Great picking the right time to do this.
*frustration* *frustration*

I'd wait a million years for you

She wants to run.
But this is reality.
Where else could she run to.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

In the end where we began

I saw him yesterday. And it somehow just made me happy looking at him.
All that happened, I shall not elaborate. :)
Its good to see him again.
But guess what, I'll probably look forward to next june.
There's classes on that weekend and I'd get to go to his session.
There is only one chance.
And I'm not letting go.

Everything that was given, would never suffice for me.
Because the only thing I ever wanted, could not be given to me.
There will be only one heart for one, and one soul for one.
And I'll keep looking.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Pain is only the beginning of everything

Does it still matter if I'm not her?
Does it still matter if I'm not everything I ought to be?
Does it still matter if I'd rather wait for you?
Does it all still matter?
Because I want you.

Friday, April 10, 2009

A little closer to home

Good luck to all bola baling people.
To Wen, seriously wei.. don't stress so much. I know you're the captain but that doesn't mean tht you have to go round chasing everybody's needs okay... Especially hers.
So chill out.

Oh. Happy birthday to Tam Sheren. Or so known as TamTam chocolate.
Have a great one this year. :)

Poster competition next Wednesday. Three hours and a half.
May God be with me then.
My back bone and legs are gonna die half way through. I can guarantee that.
Am still battling the thought of whether to go to school tomorrow or not.
There's all those bola bola practices.
OMG. There's physics tomorrow.
Wait, I'll be seeing Puan Nor Liza for the art thingi tomorrow.
Shall go during Physics period. :)
Yes, you can't deny that Gwen is awfully smart and sly.

Gwen is now addicted to watching true blood.
Its waaaay better than twilight.
And Bill Compton is a way better vampire than Edward Cullen.
Although Kirsten Stewart is a much prettier actress but Sookie can still pass for a vampire's girlfriend.
He's hott.
Thou shall not crave thy neighbor. :)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Second or nothing

Today, was the first time Gwen went out of school for competition.
Represented school in competition.
That definately sounds good in my college application.
It may not be much. But at least theres something. =]

Okay, we arrived at school waiting in the lobby for a missing member and a missing teacher.
Then, teacher appears asking us to grab pelaka and extremely big brushes.
And the missing member appears too.
And off we are to arena MBPJ.
Had last minute discussion in Puan Nor Azah's car.
Arguing on how to draw parthenons and pyramids.

The, we reached school.
Had time to observed competitor and their really geeky competitive looks.
High socks and big bags of paint with objects as models.
They really DO wanna win.
Oh well.

5 minuted before competition.
briefing: title is sains and teknologi asa keutuhan ekonomi negara
4 hours
5 kerjaya.

The title got so long mehh??
4 hours ahhh???
Kerjaya? what is kerjaya??
Yea, so basically made many MANY last minute decisions.
Change the whole bottom of the picture.
Modified the banner to fit an extra of 4 words.
Modified the banner to seem more negara-ish.

Took out everything.
OMG, no place to put water, no yellow paint.
Oh, crap. Whatever larr.
Sits there on the dirty floor painting for 4 hours straight.
While listening to alethea's neverending whining. :)
Painting a banner for 4 hours can be quite an interesting thing.

Finally finished everything and took time to enjoy the masterpiece. So called.
Got ready for prize giving ceremony.
And I think this was the funniest part of the whole day.
When it was the banner prize giving time, all four of us held hands.
We said, its second or nothing. second or nothing. No first no first.
And then......
We WON SECOND. hahaa.
We practically screamed and jumped out of our seats and ran up the stage.
People were looking at us like we were crazy. Only second what....
Why not first? Who would want to go over this again.
First has to go to compete again in peringkat daerah or something like that.
And four hours of painting on the floor is not something easy to do. Seriously.

And then the day is over.
And Gwen has another competition coming up.
Next week.
Dadah poster.


I can't. I just can't do it anymore.
I try to hide everything, but everything just leads back to you.
I try to close my eyes, hoping your image would just fade.
But it just keep coming back.
I hide, so I wouldn't see that happy face.
But how much longer could I hide?
I wanna run.
But your words pull me back.
What am I suppose to do?
Do I still have to find my own fairytale?
Or maybe these were just dreams.
Nothing more.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Still contemplating

I am feeling better now. Thank you.
I guess I just couldn't get over the issue about sunday.
But I'm alright now.

Sorry about the emo session I was in today.
I really felt sorry about the whole thing.
And I guess I was just taking everything in too seriously.
And I couldn't think properly.

Gwen would be taking the day off thank you.
Due to the massive headache she felt this afternoon.
And the competition is this Wednesday.
Guess that adds to the already there headache. :)

Gwen is addicted to spamming.
Gwen is ever prepared to go to Dublin, Ireland.
That is IF I win the competition.
May luck stick by my side. And you.. :)

Its a wonder how much so little could mean.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

All I can do is just hope

Will not post up about family day. It was a disastrous. Thats one way to put it.
But then I guess it was okay too.
Saw Tan Ying. :)
Its been a long time.
Is having short hair THAT surprising. Its not even really that short.
Is it?

BTW, Mrs Chee knows Lee Hom's mother. OMG.
Yea, that was our reaction when we were talking about him.

Mrs Chee(art teacher)
Student 1
Student 2
Student 3

You know Lee Hom's new song is damn awesome.
Yes, its the xin tiao and everything right?
I love everything.
He damn yeng.
I wanna go to his concert.
Eh? You all know Lee Hom ah.
Teacher he so talented.
I know his mother.
*student 1,2,3 Stares at her in shock*
She took us out for korean bbq.
*continue to stare in awe*
Teacher... you ... know Lee Hom's mother.
Yea. We went to Taiwan and the mother took us out.
He actually quite sissy wan.
Teacher he not gay larr.
But he is quite sissy. He treats us old ladies well.
And the way he talk and move quite sissy.
OMG... *silence continues.*
Teacher, take us to Taiwan this year end.
I think he'll be quite busy.
Teacher nevermind, we just call his mum can already.
Yes, then we can see him.

the story the lion and the jewel is really an interesting story.
go read it up.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

This yearning that never ceases to hurt

BOF is over. No more. Kapeesh.
Woo Bin and Yi Jung is still hot. :)
Today was just as any other normal day as ever.
Went to Ikano to have lunch with wen dee, wong seng, emily, ashley and chern yao.
KY tag a long for a while too, but she had to go back.
Anyway, I still don't know what to do for sivic. Urgh.
Somebody help me?

This yearning still aches inside.
Though the loneliness has slowly eaten up inside.
I could still feel the burning, darkening the edges of this fraying hole.
I still try. So hard.