Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I am fucking tired of you calling me arrogant.
What fucking makes you think that you are no better than me.
Do you hear yourself at all, do you even hear what the fuck I am trying to say to you?

You've changed. I know you have.
I can't seem to understand why the sudden change at all.

When he scolds us, you would always be the one beside him calming him, so he would stop.
But you've changed.
Everytime he gets mad at something, you will just add to that and more.
Why can't you shut up.
Its bad enough that he is mad at us, and you would add to that.
You would always make things worst.

To ask you a simple question, a harmless one, could result in calling me arrogant?
I don't fucking understand how is there a link to that.

How do you tell if a question is vague or not.
How do you tell if that question is irrelevant or not.
It is a question nonetheless.

It is not a question about racism, or history, or something that you do not understand.
It is just a question of how I would get to college if my transport would not be there to take me.
It is a simple question!
And you make such a big fuss out of it.

I am angry. I am so angry and consumed with rage that if I don't lock myself in my room,
I might just walk out the door and slap you wide awake.
What has happened to you?
I try to understand but I don't.

To hell with you and your seemingly deaf ears.
To hell with your pride and ego that you would not listen when I am trying to speak.
To hell with you and your sudden outburst over every insignificant things.
To hell with your glass face, that you would have to protect it so much that you would hurt me.

Is your face more important than me?

and there you go.
with your long nagging that was suppose to make me feel guilty and all.
and the only words you could use to describe me was proud and arrogant.
along with saying that my attitude has changed.

you always say we put words into your mouth. How about you.
Have you thought of what you are saying.
Do you even hear yourself.

I don't understand any of this nonsense.

Do I have any remorse for writing about you? I can't answer.
I am already fighting within myself for trying to find out if I was the real problem.
I was never proud nor arrogant.
I never thought I was higher than you or any other things like that.
It has always been you.
I know when I am wrong. I know when I am the one who is suppose to apologize.
But how can I when this started from you.

I guess I have no remorse after all.
I blame you.
I blame you for making my already miserable life like hell.

I swear that the world is out to get me.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I made extremely delicious cupcakes today :)

Monday, March 29, 2010

when will it be the right time to say goodbye

by the robin's long sighs
by the river's rushing water
by the oak tree high

lost, but still unfound
a place to linger long
where the wild flowers play
and you are welcomed home

goodbye once more
to clouds of soft blue
to falling raindrops dew
and shining suns too

so ends this long journey
the words that stops here
to see the way through
of another long year

I am having the worst effing stomachache imaginable now. Eff that.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Tomorrow is just another mystery, but thats okay

Went to cheefoong's farewell party thing yesterday.
Stopped by Yinky's place first. (she can
Dropped by proway and played snooker/pool/billiard whatever you wanna call it.
I SAW YIKHAN. omgomgomgomg

anywayy... played a little ( i hate places with smoke )
Then we went off to kota damansara.

People had a big fuss over Yinky's driving tho.
Bicker bicker bicker... all the way there. hahaa

Didn't swim, but almost got pulled over. I got really really lucky.
Hung around and left.

What happens next will remain a mystery. :)

i saw you
but everything was different now
i think i've finally learnt to let go
sometimes the pain still stabs
the yearning starts to fade
and i could finally breathe easy again
i cant say
that i wont miss everything
i'll just look back and say
they're memories
nothing more

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Some things are just too late to mend

went to college today out of boredom and I actually attended ECONS CLASS.
I'm a very very very good and obedient girl :)
Anyways, am feeeling superrr happy today. Didn't have to sit about at home and laze.

I absolutely hate the holidays. There is nothing else to do.

Things that made me happy today:
- can finally change my phone cover
- got to see my college friends again
- went to ikea for lunch (its been ages since I went there)
- finally got round to getting my favourite chocolates :D

and thats about it.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

whatever that keeps me alive

Went for driving ceramah thingi on Saturday.
I know its a little late to post this up, but nonetheless. :)
The kayu ara driving place was pure torture. LITERALLY.
I sneezed non-stop the whole day which could sum up to about 100 times.
My nose was in hell.

Ceramah was absolutely boring, and it smelled of -shallnotmention-

Finally got the chance to see AiNi and Ming back from their NS.
Ming waas so skinnyyyy. She gives people inspiration to go to NS. :)

Anyways, had an awesome time with the peeps after the ceramah..
Went off to 1u for some good bonding sessions.
Had dinner twice. :)

Sang randomly in public before going home. lol
I am now in a foul mood because I am sick and my throat itches like mad.
Besides that, some bug bite my toe and it is swollen.
It itches like crazy and hurts like hell. *damnit*

Will be off to college tomorrow to settle some stuff.

something funny :)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I dont know which part did I ever do wrong. I never put words in your mouth.
You always assume that. I never thought I was big or proud or anything, only you.
I never thought that I could do anything I want, or thought that I was bigger than you.


You thought that yourself. I do not say that I did not admit my mistakes.
But the mistakes you blame me for were just too great.
And I did not do that. I do not deny that sometimes I made mistakes.
But you do.
You always do.

You ALWAYS put words in my mouth.
You always assume of something I was not.
You always thought that I want to go against you.
When I really don't.

Over every little detail.
You just do not see what I see because you don't want to admit you were wrong on your part too.

I just don't understand why so much anger the past few days.
Although sometimes I try to shrug it off, it just gets to me.
It hurts when you mock me, and you think you don't.
You just don't realise it.

You are always being so sensitive over every detail.
And I don't understand why.
You always bring everybody's mood down, and you blame it on me.

I stay quiet at the times I know you were mad, because I know,
no matter how I argue back, you always win.

I know I am at fault because I was stubborn.
But you always would not let me go.
You never stop at one point.
You always bring it up ALL at once.

It tires me to deal with your mood. But I have my own things to deal with too.

It hurts sometimes, but you just don't care.
Because you care more about how you feel.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Come away with me, behind masks of dark parade

Hey people. I am sitting in college alone now, at the library.
Thinking about so many things that happened by in the past 3 months, or two and a half.
I've met so many awesome people and reconnected with all of my old friends.
There's so much that I've learned about myself and I'll bring these things with me when I go.

Break ups sucks, especially when you are the one doing the leaving.
I'm going crazy trying to figure out how my life turn now and which way will it end up to.

And to my ever awesome classmates, I WILL MISS YOU GUYS TOO.
Eventhough you'll are such a noisy bunch of people .. :)
And though I've been tortured so often by the one who sits beside me, I'll miss you too.

And you you you, I know you are such an annoying pest and would never ever say hi to me, but much prefer to insult me instead, I'll miss you too.
And I'll miss Nagomi and Kopitiam Station, and the Tang Yuen at the soya shop too.

Hahaa, I know all of that is so irrelevant to what I'm writing now,but it doesn't make a difference to the fact that I will miss all 3 months I've had over here.
I'll admit the people at Taylors are awesome to the core !

So I'll stop here and wish me good luck in my new course. SMILES

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


I'm leaving and I am very very VERY sad.
I miss my crazy, funny, and lame college mates and that makes leaving even harder.
I know this course is really important to me but my friends are too.

I feel heavy hearted now and I can't bear to leave all my friends behind.
I wish they knew how much they have brightened up my life and instead of treading towards college, I'll run there, anxious to see them again.

I know it has only been 3 months, but I felt like we're old old friends and that we share something no one could ever understand.
Its been hell for the past few weeks and they have been my sanctuary, my own haven.
I love them to bits and I don't want to ever ever leave them.
It is an impossible hope for them all to come with me, but of course, my future is equally important too.

Making friends was a hard task for me, but now that I've done it, I don't feel like doing it again.
Its too heartbreaking to leave the people that you see almost everyday.

I promise I won't cry. I really won't. Because time does not wait for your tears to drop.
Time will walk on, and we try to be on the same pace with it so we could have a little bit more.

Smile people, I'm not leaving Malaysia just yet.
Although you guys will probably be leaving first as my diploma will last two years.

Promise that you guys will always move forward with time.
I know I am a little lazy to specify this but you guys must know that you'll always be in my heart. AND NO, it doesn't sound corny.
I'm trying to be emo here... :)

for the rest of the world that I had missed out knowing, thanks anyway.
And for the faces I see each day, loitering by the corridors, hanging around the books, queuing up by the vending machine...
Its these insignificant faces that I will miss too.

Bahhh... I want to stop sounding emo now. :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

A whole lot of sunshine

Everything is being shoved away into a drawer, for now.
I don't know how my mum is feeling or my dad.
But I could still see the sadness that reflects in their eyes.
Though I know they try to pretend its okay for me, but the rock above my chest still weighs.

So, I thank them a thousand times for not making it hard for me.
Still, the pain seeps through sometimes, and the tears won't make it better.

But I will get through this.
One way or another.

And then there's that issue about him, which I will get over too.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

My spirit that soaks the ground

College has now officially become my second home. :)
McD on Fridays are absolute fun.

look look its me and paramore !!!

and sherlock holmes !!!!

and the queen of egypt, note the pouting snake