Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Intoxicated by the time that justs keep moving along

That was the only appropriate way to greet people in a blog. Haha. Where has the word variety gone? After long long argument, mum finally allowed me to go to Yam's house. Studied awhile then we were bashing each other up with pillows. Lols.

I've been studying my head off, seriously. I just wanna scream.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

World, hello

Hello world..again for today.
I'm proud to say I've bought two sejarah workbooks and one bio workbook. Work work work. All for the sake of finals. Haih.. Yes, I currently don't have a life but am still working on it. =]
So while I'm being confined in my bedroom, drowning on workbooks, what is happening outside?
For the past two measly hours, what happened to the rest of the world. Well, I'm not about to find out thats for sure. Why? I've now got add maths to do.
Life can be so full of surprises. And uncanny too. Am I up for them? No, I'm done with surprises. They just always seem to oppose me. They never agree with me. Hope they'll just turn around soon.

As time goes on unknowingly, so must we...

Went tuition today, it was the usual-usual. Doing chinese work and all. Mel and I were fighting over ironman and batman and Edward Cullen. hahaa. Didn't find ironman very good-looking. But he is very old after all. Sorry, Mel. I think Christian Bale - Bruce Wayne is still the best. But he can't compare to Edward Cullen. =]

Its the hols people, and I'm on hold for three weeks. Absolutely no going out except when it comes to buying workbook, which I am later. Finals is coming. Three more weeks.... Study study..okayy okayy after I'm done blogging kayys.

Lucky lucky you I have no emo things to write today. Just feel like doing add maths and more add maths. No, don't back away, I'm still Gwen and definately sane. I've learned a new word from Mel today..hahaa. Wanna know what it is?? Static obsolete. Take a guess what it means.

Cause its us against the world,
Whats in us? A me and...

Friday, September 26, 2008

Had the rings of time just faded away, or it was just meant to be. Not here, siding me..

The world was in a silent turmoil, the earth struggling to surface as each rock just gets in the way. The creeping dust in the air floats about to finally settle on the ground. The chaos and the illusions were fighting within themselves instead of being drowned together in it. Darkness lifts up his hands, taking in all that he could take. He feeds on the lost hopes and unfulfilled dreams, then pick at it until we are drained of everything that was bright and good. How much more longer until we too, finally lay upon the dirt and be masked by sand and earth. And our memories will just shatter into a million tiny fragments... When they are being pieced together, they just fall apart all over again. Effortless... Was time just messing up with my mind, trying in vain for me to finally succumb to the dark and just remain there. Was fate trying to tell me over and over again that I have lost, stripped of all dreams and hopes. I want to fight but was all the work worth it still?? The pain inflicted was too harsh, but I still went on, thinking I had hope still, even when I know its all over. The struggle for water seeps through rocks, slowly trickling out of the soil into the sunlight. The beautiful sunlight that shines its rays upon us, and then within that fraction of time, everything disappears and all was dark again. Was the effort worth it, for just that short mere second of light. Maybe it was, and maybe I'd just rather not see the light and stop me from fighting for what I could never have. Maybe, and just maybe life would turn out right one day. And I would find my own place, where I'd belong. Just a place with endless sunlight and breeze whispering. And tall large trees swaying with the wind in a soft slow melody. I will just have to hold on and wait....

just gone forever

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

What was it meant to be?

Thes clouds that hides another smile

The rain that poured will never just dry

How much longer

Would it take to see the sun's eyes

These words that hides in between

Little secrets prying within

When is the day

That I could laugh with you again

So I see

these woven dreams of mine

Willing it to bo brought into reality

Signs said that it was meant to be

So much more

Words that were still undone

Like black notes upon copoured memories

Prying away from hidden trees

In your eyes of unspoken depths

Awaiting for hope once again

Could it just be

Little time between you and me

Birds that flew by with wonder

Above the red glimmering sun

Where was the time

I held your hand within mine

So I see

These woven dreams of mine

Willing it to be brought into reality

Signs that said it was meant to be

So much more

Words that were still undone

Like black notes upon coloured memories

Prying away from hidden trees

When I thought life would get better

The pain wihtout you still lingered

How much more could I still take

For you were the one that lifted my soul up

Just hold me

And tell me

Things will be alright

Eventhough you know they will never be

So I see

These woven dreams of mine

Willing it to be brought into reality

Signs that said they were meant to be

So much more

Words that were still undone

Like black notes upon coloured memories

Prying away from hidden trees

Monday, September 22, 2008

define interesting

hello peeps.
Many many interesting things did happen at school today. well not ALL that interesting but still I think they could pass as interesting.
First, Nor Azah came in with a thunder cloud above her head and you can say on her face as well.
People are not doing their project. (but I did)
So one by one we're being sent to bilik AV to do project but I just followed for the fun of it. =]
Stayed there the whole time till recess. Was watching Raya and Kekwa gang making fun of Popiah. haha. I don't even know how to spell her name. Nyways, she was like screaming her head off when nobody said anything and when somebody tried to say something. Hahaa. Poor women, I wonder which part of the world ever suited people like her.

Recess, ran off to library with Juat to do some studying. Can you believe Gwen is spending her recess time at the library. Read for bout 15 minutes, when back down to class and went up to AV room again. Copied some work from the form fives on kerja amal, studied sejarah, slept a little...... yada yada.

Last bell rang, Time for Add maths.."yay".... People were like taking fire wood and rubbing them on the wall at MY CORNER.. Has people started turning their backs on technology already? So soon?? can I keep the air-con?? They were trying to make fire out of wood. I think they nearly succeeded.. there was smoke coming out of the wood. Smoke..I couldn't believe it too. wow. Bellrings, people standing round teratai...saying someone locked both their doors. hahaa. seriously. Pn sow was there. En Ravi S...l...o...w...l...y... made his way to our classroom, give a little life chatting again and then, off we go.
Pretty interesting isn't it. HAH. If I were dreaming. =]

Theres only one month to finals, people. Don't die out on me.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Which part exactly was it again?

How long more ought I to move
Towards the bright light that soothe
It calms my inner soul and sings
In soft tunes the wind he brings

The past is called upon again
Not where our sins were slain
But in the light of the brightest star
That lays across with none too far

Meadows were laid with red frills
Taste the life of which that trills
It'll come some day our time to spare
And up all night without hesitant care

I'll see you soon not knowing when
Like when the moon turns blue in hand
Fate is just another dowdy friend
But underestimate it not for it brings the end

It isn't the best but its what I could come up with so far. Lost all my inspirations lately. Its like standing by a cliff and tasting the wind, but then you tilt a little to taste a little more and you fall. Dont' know whether this is related to what I'm saying but no matter. =]

Went Ikano today after I felt much better.... Spend loads on new stationary. Decide to go green like Alethea. Had lunch/breakfast at ikea. Miss the meatballs they have there. hahaa. I could practically remininsce over such small details. Gonna repay that 16 hours used up yesterday for sleeping. 16 hours!! I know. Ai NI told me that a cat sleeps for 16 hours a day. hahaa. Wonder which part went wrong. =] At least I felt better today. Could actually walk on my two feet. Panadol ActiFast seriously works, but I'm not recommending you to try it. I choked twice trying to swallow it. Poor throat.

End of my weekend!!!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Is like you frail body was set on fire

Ahhh. Yes that is the way I'm greeting people today. Wanna know why? Maybe its because I have come down with a fever. Feeling so tired all the time. Been sleeping the whole morning till now. My whole body is in pain. Arghhh...I will never ever ever ice-cream again.

Still working on the Yiruma piano piece. he is absolutely awesome =]

Mum took us out to Sunway Pyramid last Wednesday. The shops have definately changed. I've never been there for years. We got to eat TGIF again. Hahaa. I love the strawberry flings. =]

Well...nothing further to say, I'm gonna go back to sleep now and rest meself. Trust me you don't wanna be in my place.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Unseen magic lingering in the air

The Moon
Looking down upon Bukit Jelutong, Shah Alam

I love I love I love Bella's lullaby. Yes, his song captures the deepest soul. And in fact, I'm in love with the WHOLE Twilight soundtrack. Yes, I'm a piano kind of person. How could I avoid it when Dad has like 3 pairs of humongous (is that how you spell it?) speakers. And I think half the house is filled with songs like these. Go and download the songs now, you just can't miss it.

Today is the mooncake festival. Went to my cousin's house yesterday to see my grandma. Ended up burning caterpillars and playing with "snow". Actually its more of foam. hahaha.

Mum's homemade dragonfruit jelly mooncake. Theres also a pandan one and milo one and mango one. Yumm

I don't know what you call this in english but its lin kok in cantonese. Some kinf of horns thingi I think. Its actually a kind of kacang. I love eating them. Can you see the face of a teeth baring devil with eyes and ears. haha
Nikki - My cousin's dog. Body full of "snow"
Twilight soundtrack
River flows in you -Yiruma (bella's lullaby)
An apparrition in the fields - james horner
Clair De Lune - Debussy
Fix you - Coldplay
Go go listen to the songs.
Then tell me, what do you think about them...
Listen to them, and close your eyes. Imagine a field with warm sunshine pouring upon your face.
Feel the breeze flowing past you, kissing your face tenderly. Lift up your hands and try to touch the light above. Imagine butterflies fluttering past you, their wings painting colours of every different hue, and even those colours of the unnamed. Lie upon the soft grass, and lush green trees surrounding you. An enchanted place that envelopes you in the scent of fresh leaves and pines. Hear the sound of the stream flowing besides the music singing in your ears. The waters trickling by you, as you touch the cool liquid and let it trickle down your hand to your elbow. Forget the world outside. Forget the world above and below. You are in a dream, a dream no one else knows about. A secret waiting for you to embrace it yourself, as you slowly enter the world of unseen magic.

Saturday, September 13, 2008


Meet holly and kandy. Long forgotten dolls and pictures from the old days. They bring back memories that were long forgotten. Do you remember what happened 7 years ago? The life you've lead, and the road you tread on. Those worry-less times and all you could think of was to play and play. Nobody wants to grow up. Time can't be stopped after all. Life has to be walked upon like those yellow paved road. There will never be destinations but we drive ourselves to where each road leads. The only destination seeked is death. The end of all roads and the door to nothingness. Where what we have been through fades away to the background, leaving nothing in sight. But before we reach the end, the beauty of the journey is enjoyed in bliss and in pain. Where there are roads, there are bound to be rocks that cuts the skin. But there are also flowers of different shades and hues. Life is beautiful as it is ugly. And we have been blessed with this time, to be able to walk upon the road that only the those who gives and take, shares.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Wo zai ni de shen ying jing jing de zhou

Hiya peeps,

Didn't attend school today. No I'm not trying to skip school, jut prefer studying at home. Online?? Just awhile. Can't seem to stay away from the computer.
Theres nothing much to blog about besides waiting for the holidays to come really soon.
And finals to end quickly.

Bought a tank top last Sunday. I dyed it red, but it turned out pink, haha. Had a little red heart sewn to it. =]

Okay fine, my life may not be as interesting as it should be..haha.. But well, I'm still growing up right?

Is it okay to seize time when its your chance to. Is it okay to grab hold on one you can't lose and let go when the time comes? Is it okay to hide when you're afraid to face whats happening?
I dont know anymore.

Gravity- sara bareilles
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I
Can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're onto me, onto me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

In love with this song. Hear the accapella version. =]

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


Just a little insight on whats on my mind. I've rested the whole Dad/College issue thingi so I'm okay.. =]
Exams are still coming up and I still am not putting my head in books. Why? I don't know. It seems that I still have a few things that I can't put off. They still linger somewhere up there.
The end of the year is coming so soon. Can you believe it?? Just a year ago we were like friggin strugglin for our PMR. Yeah, and the pressure was there.
And now, here we are. Still struggling ( except for the mataharians ) in our studies, striving hard for just a fraction of a better future. Well. Life is life.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Reality, definately is

Missed school and went out to have breakfast.


Dad which college did you attend?

Ohh, Taylors... I want to go there too.
It depends on what you want to learn.
I wanna learn language and arts.
Personally, I think you're not bright enough to take accountancy.
Accountancy teaches you all about money.
But I will have to take another extra subject.
Yea, you see uncle xxx took accounts and now he's a rich man.

Dad has never been so supportive of me. In my studies and my sport. None of my parents ever were. I hated him today for what he said. Was it so true?? NO! He's wrong, he is damn fucking wrong. Not bright enough??!!! Who gave him the fuckin right to say that. What does he know about me. Bitch.
I'm angry and I can't even talk to my mum about it, eventhough I know ahe won't be as harsh as dad. I hated him so so much. So now I know, what he really thinks of me.

My life still goes on as it is. So much pain.

And when will these end, eventhough I don't want them too. All the pain mixed up with good longing memories.
Because everytime, I do something, it just bring me back again. Swallowed by nostalgia, being pulled into time where everything was just the way they were and will forever remain. Now, I understood why people wants time to just stop there. At that very moment. Cause, we never want it to end.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

This one is for you

So there will be dreams to be be dreamt of, and wishes to be fulfilled. But will the actions go along with the instincts?? I don't think so.

Mum is still crazy with the mcdonald incident. I think she is still silently mending her broken heart. Finals is coming ever so soon. And I'm in love with breaking dawn. =]

I'm still having the same dream over and over again. It doesn't make sense, or is my unconscious self is trying to tell me something. Something that it seems, unable to be deciphered. I'm confused. So many colours and voices going all at once. I try to say something but nothing comes out. Its puzzling.

I'm missing you already, its been so short a time when we first met and got along together. I remebered always teasing you about your really really deep way of speaking english, especially when it comes to British english. You'd help me sometimes with my poor math skills and we'd laugh about it together. And then, we spent tons of our time talking about everything there was to talk about. Now, I barely see you and its been so long. I hold dear to those memories we've shared together eventhough they're slipping away. Like water trickling from my fingers onto the ground below. Absorbed and gone forever. You were there all the time, and I have appreciated that. You weren't just one, but many fused into one face. A special being not many sees. During those lonely times, I've always thought about you. And I want you to know that you will always remain a special part of me, one that will never leave no matter how time has swallowed whats left of our lives. Be happy eventhough you never needed that saying. =] I will find mine one day.

Until we meet again. I love you lots. Gratitude cannot express how much I thank you for your timeless presence and magic ways of putting that smile back on my tear-stained face. See ya, and remeber to get me souvenirs when I get back. You do know what I want right?? haha. Yes..you'd guessed it. Mat Salleh Candidates. X]

Remember to write back and hope that I can still survive without you. =] Enjoy and take care. This one is for you!!!!!