Saturday, May 31, 2008

I'm sooo sick but I will survive

I'm sick of not able to write down everything. I'm so sick of concealing everything and writing down things that totally hides what I want to say out loud. I'm so sick of people questioning me and asuming things they never really know and never did understand. Stop with your fcuking prejudicing. I'm damn sick of it. And now I write whatever I want kay. Enough, I'm done with it.

I still wait and never give up though I told myself not to put my hopes too high up. All I want is just a word from you...

I think I will never understand how this world works. How it makes everything work the way it works now. How come the happiness I finally found turned on me and other people just get it when they don't even treasure it and don't deserve it. I am ever more determined to get that happiness I want so so damn badly.

I ponder about the things around working like clockwork eventhough people are dying or crying. Life has to move on. The sun won't stop shining just because there was death. The earth won't stop rotating around the sun just beacuse someone lost something precious in their life. The tide won't stop splashing along the bay just because someone stop seeing someone. No. Life just keep moving on and it won't turn back. So why still wallow in that past. That stupid past that hurt and frustrates. That beautiful memory you want to leave behind but still bring up at times. Everyday gone through with pain doesn't bring back anything and time is just wasted going back. The moon won't stop going around and it won't stop shining. So think about what you are doing. And though I may never understand things that have gone between, I try to lessen the pain you seemingly inflict upon yourself. Let it go. I see a true love story...

OOh oh and do you know, the number 7 was meant for me!!! The letter g is the 7th letter alphabetically. I was born at 2.05p.m. 2 + 0 +5=7 !!!. I was born on the 7th, in 1992. 9 minus 2 is 7. and my name gwentoo has 7 letters.And my name on the name list is 7 for like 15 years in a row.. Hahaa.. and do u know my blog name has 7 letters on each side. tainted=7letters, huh. Lucky 7 me.. =] but deep down, luck has not been by my side, I never got what I wanted...

Can't you see

A little pissed at the moment and yess, sad. Kinda emo-ing away and listening to really soppy love songs. Thats one part of me I hope no one will have to see. I wished so hard and all the days I had to go through, o ccasionally flipping through my thoughts. Some people are just so lucky aren't they? and I just happen to be excluded from them. I just happen to want something I could never get. But still I hold on to miracles baceause that small glint won't lie and though I may not be able to know everything, at least I won't know the things that will hurt me deeper.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Heyya peeps

Scrumptious ice-cream for dessert
Yum seng-ing
Happy sweet sixteen woman!!! Chocolate banana surprise..yummm
cold prawn with salad..
Do you see the blood???
5 people actually shared half a corn, can you believe it??
Can you tell that one of us is extremely happy??
Candid posers =]
Best of buddies Cheers!!!
There I told you bout candid posers...xp
Woman on a mission
Just came back from Wen's birthday "party". Well it was a blast. Not in that big grand kind off way but small and amongst ourselves. Was kind off disappointed cause it was suppose to be like a really big and grand and everything, but in the end more than ten people turned down to only five people. Netherless, I still had fun so I hope birthday girl did. =] Nyways, the day it self didn't out as fun as I hoped it would be but in the opposite. In fact, the day started out real ugly. I was pissing off real bad cuz of something I rather not mention. Oh well, getting on. I went straight to 1u after art class. The things I On the way there, I was pissing off again and then went to watch movie. My mood sort of lifted a little while watching. I was boiling the whole time.. URRGHH..... Watched Prince Caspian again. Can't seem to get enough of magic and Ben Barnes... =] Didn't really like the ending though. Wish it would end the way I wanted it too. The whole time, I was thinking about something. Little thoughts of mine again. I do pray sooo damn hard. After movie then we went to Jack's place after much deciding and pushing and " I don't know"s and "anything"s and "up to you"s.......Xi Ning managed to show up and surprised Wenyi and you should see her reaction. The first thing she did was like "OOOOII" *points finger* hahahaha... It was damn funny. So yea, off we went to have our dinner. We were torn again by deciding what to order...haha. Then the drama goes again, "up to you" , "anything larrr" , "I don't know"...haha. So after much "arguing" we decided on some cheese sticky rice thingi and meat. We called for medium rare so when the meat came there was a little blood oozing out when Yue Qi cut it.. we were like... eewweee, blood. Okayy, wait that came from me...haha. We practically shared everything, how caring. Then Ai Ni and Yue Qi and I rushed out to buy Wen's cake. We were like running and panting all the way back and when we reached the restaurant I was inhaling deeply and trying to act like I didn't run, which worked great.. xp. me and Yue Qi kept lauhging bout the lao sai thingi and pangsai and kanasai.. haha. She and her camp jokes. I was laughing so hard my throat ached. I've had a greaty time being my oldself again.. The part where I never had to worry bout anything and just be happy all I want without having people to judge me. I laugh all I want and just be myself, the way I like it to be. I think our table probably turned many heads cuz we were laughing away and singing happy birthday at the top of our voices.. I had fun doing that. Pictures were taken and memories were made. The story of narnia with prince caspian is still lingering in my mind, thinking if all of those were true and there was magic. Oh ya, Wen pointed out a flaw in the show I've never noticed. If you watch closely the part where the white witch rise again, she said that all she needed was a drop of Adam's son's blood. Then they cut him with the dagger, so why don't they just drip the blood on the dagger onto the witch's hand.. Damn funny. I never realised that before but now I do.. lol. Guess I was just so absorbed with what was happening in the movie. Will go back to watch it again. I just absolutely lurrve that show. Then dinner, took pictures and everybody went home.. And then drama started in the car again... I sometmes just can't stand it anymore and just want to blow up but I kept my temper down and tried to concentrate on other things. Toleration and the things I had to go through. So now I'm home and typing away on my computer, do look out for the MY word infront. kayy fine its not totally mine but shared wiith my sis. And thats about today...

Thursday, May 29, 2008

What i didnt' know about

Went to physics tuition after all. Guess my stubborness just won't stay stubborn. Nyways, I just realized that my tuition is like some soap opera with teacher teaching in the background. There were people constantly crying over how they miss their boyfriend or how their boyfriend dump them or basically gossiping bout each others girlfriends. Its kinda weird in a really funny way. I'm so bored bout listening teacher droning in the background bout stupid springs and their elasticity. I mean, who would actually sit down and study spring?? It sooo pointless. How long can spring pull, its limit, how much weight can it carry and yada yada. So I think I was busy doodling away bout the other people who were whining bout their boyfriends. "Can you believe he did that, I mean like Oh my god" , " Ya I know he is so sweeeeet" , "He like gave me......." , "Ya I like friggin miss him so much and he hasn't even reply me, I like texted him 10 times already" , "Ya he is like soooo different and i sooooo love him" .................. And it just goes on and on and on... LOL. Its kinda interesting actually listening to their dilemma. And the way they whine and pout their lips as they talk. Especially this girl who like wears sleeveless everytime to tuition and extremely high heels. I think she was the only one who like wasn't bothered by the cold. Then there was this other girl who keeps taking pictures of everyone in the tuition with her phone. I happen to just left my jacket so "conveniently" and I was like freezing my ass off. OMG,,, Its like genting in there I tell you without the clouds and the mist...yeap. So thats about sums up my day...

I know you just can't get enough of me

Times can sometimes be a little bit slower than I thought. I just can't wait to look forward to Wenyi's party. =] Got physics tuition tonight but I really really dont want to go. I'm being really whiney right now to my mother. I'm being so stubborn bout not going. Nobody's going and I'm serious bout that. Everyones on a holiday and besides, he's doing revision for those schools that haven't finish their exams yet. I'm bored and did I mentioned that my sister is wearing braces right now.. hahaha she can't say missisipi right...She is now known as my metal mouth sister..LOL.... Okayy now I maybe crapping cuz I'm bored and stubborn as a stone and just refuse to go to tuition. yerr... I'm so freakin lazy. haha. Pretend I didn't admit that.... Just over- bored...urgh. Still itching to go out with my friends. I shall wait patiently tomorrow. Now, should I still go tuition or not.

my holidays

Went to Penang which was mentioned earlier but there wasn't much to blog about tho except the part where I went to moonlight bay and ate at a hotel there by the beach.. It was amazing. The view was simply fantastic. Got to ride on a horse round the beach tho. Didn't really enjoy the ride cu I was busy trying not to fall off sitting behind kim. The steady rhythmn of the horse was all I felt and the wind in my face. Okay it can get quite irritating sometimes, my hair. Will plan to do something bout it. Played by the beach and my jeans got soaked..Ended up getting scolded by mum. Forgot to wear my shorts. LOL. There were like a bunch of negros singing are you ready or something like that. And then there was this guy who was so self-absorbed in making his own sandcastle. People were either busy soaking in the sea water of para sailing. It was quite cool tho, wish I could go but didn't have on the proper attire. The waves were quite high that day and it was nearly sunset. My mum was busy admiring the mat sallehs who could afford to stay in the hotel by the beach. Rich asses..sob sob.... Will stay there one day just you wait. OOOhh did I mentioned the toilets. they were so extravagant. With all the posh mirrors and paintings and framed precious stones. Luckily the toilet seat wasn't like made out of gold or something. My mum's brother-in-law
Dad was acting all bimbo-ish bout me taking his pictures...=]
My cousin's son, Kenneth adorable
The horse I rode on..I think it was called Queenzy or something..
Hello my dear shoes!!! Will never have to suffer in heels anymore. that part where I twisted my ankle still gives me the creeps......heels are torture...gettin a lil melodramatic... =]

Forgot to mention that I went to Ghee hiang to buy their famous dragon ball biscuit.( tau sar pneah) Mum said during her time it was like 5 pieces for 10 sens and 10 pieces for 15 sens. cool huh?? and now it costs like 40 sens per piece. Netherless, it taste so good..mmm. Ohh and the penang hawker stall at night is fabulous. Okay maybe the sitting outside on the street isn't exactly posh but the food was the best. I love their har mee and wan tan mee. Oh and also their unbra juice which you can only get in penang... haha. I'm blessed with a hometown filled with good food.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Define love will ya??

Love is never having to say you're sorry.
Love is having to say you're sorry every five minutes
Love is the interdependence of process.
Taking pleasure from the happiness of another.
The inability to be content without the contentment of another.

Love is the April sun on the blossoming rose.

Love is meeting people's needs.
Love is the emotional pleasure we gain from the virtue we perceive in others.
Hold Love as important and most everything else will sort itself out.
An anagram of vole.

Love is the difference between you, me and us.

Love isn't blind, it sees more and not less, but beacuse it sees more, it is willing to see less.

Love reminds you that nothing else matters.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Its you I cant live without

Went to penang and came back this morning. Will blog bout it tomorrow though. Still kinda lazy. There are so many things to write about and yet they all just come together and make me confuse all over again. I just can't seem to express myself in words like I used to. Everything is such a blur to me. I could not think of what may become of me but all i could think about is the past. How i wish i could still linger there a little while linger and wrap myself with things that I want to stay with forever. All I want is to go back to those days where i was most happy. Why don't you just grant that small tiny wish of mine. It isn't that hard to do. here I am struggling to get over it and go back from whence I came but you came and mess it up all over again. i don't know if that should be a relief for me because I could never forget you. I want everything to be the way they use to be for me. I'm still walking down that same old road deluding myself and refraining myself from going crazy. I am so crazy about you. Meeting you, just meeting you was like the beat thing thats ever EVER happenend to me. You've somehow brought light back to my once dark life. I could never bring myself to forget you. And though you were too perfect to be true, I still hope. Maybe you've realised it and maybe you don't. But I could never care about that anymore. I have never been so sure of myself. Maybe I'm not sure about myself but I am definitely sure about what i want and ever wanted. you .

Tell me where the rainbow is
Could you still give me back my wish
Why is the sky so silent

And all of the clouds are running to somewhere else
Is there a mask for me?
Recalling too much of the past can accomplish nothing
Perhaps time is a kind of antidote
And also the first poison I'm taking right now
If I could not see your smile, how can I sleep well
Your silhouette voice is so close to me, yet I cannot embrace it
Without the earth, the sun will still go round
Without reasons, I still can walk alone
I know that if you want to leave, its easy for you
You said dependence was our obstacle
Eventhough we're not together, but will you still accept my love

Assuming that I'm the last to understand everything

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Faith is all I've ever needed.

Went to watch Prince Caspian with Ai Ni and the movie seriously rocked balls!!!! It was totally awesome. Sat in the seat for two whole friggin hours and 15 minutes. Enjoyed the movie except for the part where this stupid girl behind me kept kicking my chair and talking non stop... URGH... that was so friggin irritating. .... Today was some sort of girl bonding time with Lim Ai Ni. Haven't laugh that much in months. I'm glad I was still my old self again. LOLs. I'm leaving for Penang tomorrow. Don't know whether I should feel excited like I usually do. Feels like i have nothing left to do during the holidays besides thinking bout certain stuff and yes, I know I'm crazy but I plan to do add maths dring the hols. Practice makes perfect.. =]