Wednesday, February 25, 2015

A new start


Happy New Year peeps !

It's officially the the 7th day or chinese new year.
Took a trip back to Penang with half the family (dad had to take care of the house) on the first day till the third.

Pretty much spent the entire three days eating and gambling and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating....
Well yeah, you get the drift.

Barely posted any ootds because the weather was unbearably hot and I just couldn't be bothered to pose and take pictures in the heat. Back at my grandma's place, everyone was fighting to be within the stand fan's "peripheral view".

Me and my sister and the cousins.

Steamboat !

A very awkward wefie accompanied with a short video or all the *older* people singing and the rest of us either staring blankly at the camera or attempting to grab food whilst everyone is busy.

The only one who seems to be truly celebrating Chinese New Year traditions.
                           My ahyee, who seems to be making a lot of people getting broke.  


                                   What would chinese new year be without  proper lou sang.

Have yet to update on my fully healed eye.
It's still swollen but I can't stand wearing glasses anymore.
Till then !

Friday, February 13, 2015

friday's the day

Tomorrow is Valentine's day guys !

Whilst you young couples go around being lovey-dovey, I'm more focused on the task at hand. Which is getting the house chores done by Chinese New Year.

There is still so much uncertainty for me that this holiday is the only thing I'm looking forward to. And also am looking forward to see Dr. Alice on Monday to remove the stitch on my eye.

It is still swollen as ever, and it looks like I've been somebody's punching bag with the bruises and all. But my dad could only reassure me that it will heal in time.

I'm still very much under post-traumatic stress and the ghost of the pain still haunts me in my mind. I keep thinking that the pain would find its way back to me again. But I have every faith in my doctor and she has reassured me that everything will be fine now.

So here is a post glutton face at TGIF on a Friday night. Apart from my healing eye, I have lost some weight when I was in pain. Although that is the only right thing that ever came out from all of this, I am happily eating now and can only say that I am gaining back all my lost weight. 
Till then peeps !

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

an end

Finally went to see Dr Alice today at Mid Valley for my stitch up. Am so glad to almost finally closing a chapter of this horror story. When my eye completely heals can I then, put this all behind me and look better into the future.

But first things first, I want to advise you young people, yes I said advise (I am getting old) on thinking carefully when going for aesthetic surgery. It may not be surgical, but just because a knife isn't involve doesn't mean the dangers aren't there.

I urge everyone to please do lots of research into the clinic and the profile of the doctor that is performing the procedure on you.

Is he/she well experienced?
Have they faced any complications before?
If so, how was it then resolved?
How is the procedure conducted?
How long will it last?
The type of thread used?
The sewing method employed by the doctor?

Have them thoroughly explain the procedure to you and don't just think that he/she is a doctor and have done this many times over means you can fully trust the doctor. You must understand, your body is of your own. Your final outlook and your pain will be fully your own and not the doctor's.

I am not trying to bad mouth the doctor who did my eyelid. I understand that she does not mean to cause any harm onto me. But in my opinion, the way she handled the complication was not very professional at all. Three weeks of intense burning pain, lack of sleep and deteriorating self-esteem can be very unpleasant.

With this very painful experience, I could only recommend a trusted doctor who has completely saved my life and restored my sight, and most importantly, stopped the pain. Though not many people know, ISEC (international specialist eye centre) in Mid Valley is not a clinic that only specializes in eyes but also aesthetic surgery. Your eyes are more sensitive compared to any other part of your body. One small mistake would lead to vision lost forever, and nothing can change that.

Your eyelid is close to your eyes and having a proper oculopastic surgeon is the best way possible. Dr Alice fully understood the situation as she is also an opthalmologist that practices oculoplasty. If there were any complications at all as no one is perfect, she would be able to help. Dr Alice was fully committed to helping me with my situation until I felt safe and confident again.

Today even, she was able to stitch my eye whilst trying to adapt to the shape of my other eye that was stitched by another doctor. Every doctor's stitching method is different and it can be very difficult to achieve the similar look as the other eye.

I didn't really want to expose myself to public on my eyelid surgery, but I felt others should know what are the complications that can happen if the procedure was not done properly.

 On the right as a picture of my swollen eye during the first week the pain started. Part of my face was swollen because of the persistent pain that was haunting me.
This picture on the right is where I was entering my third week of pain. The swelling was so bad from the inside my lash line was not downwards as it should be. This was the most I could open my eyes during that time.

I had to bandage my eye for 5 days and went to and fro from the doctor's clinic for 8 days in a row so the doctor could fully monitor the healing of the cornea abrasion and to ensure that there is not infection that could lead to complications.

Had to constantly drip several different eye drops and different eye ointment every hour at one point to prevent infection. Painkillers during that time was my best friend. But even the strongest of painkillers weren't enough to subdue the pain and had to resort to anesthetic eye drops to ease the pain.

 Pictures of the Dr Alice's waiting area. 

Waiting patiently for Dr. Alice to stitch back my swollen eye.

I could tell that the clinic was strict in maintaining cleanliness as I had to wear these medical robes and hairnet just to undergo a small surgery. 

This experience was completely different from the other doctor's place that I went to.

Dr Alice do provide other aesthetic services if interested.
She can be contacted through making an appointment at ISEC +603 2284 8989
The clinic is located at Level 7, Centrepoint South, The Boulevard, Mid Valley City.
She has an instagram (@dralicegoh) account on other patients that have undergone her BB eye treatment and other customised surgery.

I was not in any way requested to promote Dr Alice. I just felt this is the least I could do for her as she has helped me immensely when going through the whole situation. She sacrificed time on both her off days just to see me and to monitor my progress and I am very grateful to her.

On a side note, for almost the same amount of money charged for an eyelid suture procedure, wouldn't it have been better to have an oculaplastic surgeon do it for you?
Think twice because the amount of money spent on this surgery is still not worth your pain. Do your research !

I will then update when my eyes are fully healed.
Till then, take care !

Monday, February 9, 2015

the windows of my soul

I have always struggled with being the typical single eyelid asian my entire life. Of course as a child, it did not matter to me single or double, or whether I have a prominent nose on my face, or whether my chin was small enough to fit the norms of beauty. 

Beauty, such a complex word. 
Though simple, its meaning expands throughout different timelines of perceptions and surreal standards of how society has deemed on what shape a woman should look. 

Not only are we then, challenged by how we should style our hair, or the clothes we wear, or the jewellery we don on ourselves; but that challenge is now pushed to the edge towards changing how we naturally look. 


Of course, it was never a crime to push our limits of changing ourselves. It was a way of expression, of what story we would like to tell everyone else. To look beautiful was to lift our confidence, was a way to allow us to feel like we are able to take on the world. And to love varying different facets ourselves even more than we could. 

As a pursuer of beauty myself, I too am caught up in the whirlwind of aesthetics. The magic of being able to further enhance our beauty will always baffle me as the lengths people go through to research and discover more ways to look beautiful. 

I do not fully advocate going for aesthetics but I do not disapprove either. Sometimes, for some of us, it was like another road being paved for us to walk, to stand out after drowning under the endless images of pretty girls. 

After much contemplation, and what felt like a lifetime of waiting, I had my first non-surgical aesthetic done and it became a nightmare from then on.

As mentioned in my previous post which was definitely word heavy, I have decided to further summarise my point here. The pictures above shows what I've looked like recently before having my double eyelid done.

I know many family and friends would say in a typical chinese fashion: "there is nothing wrong with your eyes what. natural beauty is best". But they know themselves how much better we look after having aesthetics done. Like having your eyes buried under heavy eyelids for so long finally come out looking brighter and high-spirited.

Make-up then allowed me to create an eyelid crease but not without tons and tons of mascara and eyeliners. Sometimes, I would resort to wearing false lashes which in my opinion, further damages our already sad and sparse eyelashes.

I remember going through tubes of mascara just to get that pretty subtle double eyelid crease. How much of a difference it makes to my face. I was so glad for that short two weeks when my eyes would finally reflect my personality.
Big and Bright. 

My worst nightmare came true, and I felt like every "I told you so" came to life and crowding me in my pain. It was not a experience I would even wish upon my worst enemy.


I became from this to this.

It was heartbreaking. And the pain was incredible.
I did not know a person could take on so much pain.

More on my next posts. I'll show some bad pictures of when my eyes were terribly swollen.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Long hiatus

Today's post will not explain the usual disappearances where I was too lazy to blog about anything at all as usual or there is just simply nothing to blog about at all. I will be explaining my three weeks long absence due to a medical condition.

So to simply start off, I had my double eyelid stitching done at a certain clinic which I have been wanting to for a very long time. The stitches were healing perfectly and I was quite happy with my decision. That happiness only lasted me about two weeks when the pain started. It wasn't all that unbearable that time, it only felt like there was something in my left eye that just wouldn't go away. Then, I immediately made plans to see my doctor. 

When I woke up the next morning all prepared to see the doctor, my eye became swollen and I could barely open my eyes. I didn't know it had got so serious overnight. However with full confidence in my doctor, I went off to see her and had her invert my eyelids to see what was wrong. She told me there as nothing wrong and that everything was healing as it should be, definitely nothing out of the ordinary. I was then given some antibiotic eye drops and pills, and then sent home. 

For the next two days, I religiously ate the pills and dripped the antibiotic into my left eye but nothing seemed to take the pain away. The pain felt like a burning sensation and it was terribly uncomfortable. I went to see the doctor again to understand what was going on and why I wasn't healing at all. My doctor inverted my eyelid and checked and could not see what was causing the pain and swelling. She assured me it wasn't the stitches that was causing the swelling and asked if I wanted to have it removed. I had an appointment in the next few days and didn't want any surgery done and so I rejected the idea. The doctor then asked me to see an ophthalmologist as there was nothing much she could do from here on.  

So, I made my way to Advance Vision clinic to see Dr Yeoh and I was diagnosed with conjunctivitis, chin then seemed like a small problem and was assured by the doctor that I would heal very quickly. I left the clinic happy and assumed that by dripping the antibiotic and inflammation eyedrops, I would be fine very soon. That night, the pain started. Every time I tried to close my eyes to sleep I would feel the burning sensation, like someone was lighting a match on my eye. It hurt to sleep and I had to keep my eyes open until I could not hold on any longer. Then, in pain I would drift off to sleep until the next morning, the pain went on for a few days until I could not take it anymore, and so I returned to see Dr Yeoh at the Advance Vision clinic where he prescribed to me an eye lubricant to ease my pain. He also told me that it was quite a bad case of conjunctivitis and it would take longer to heal. And so I left the clinic, hoping the lubricant eye gel would ease my pain and I could sleep but that was not the case. 

As told by the doctor, the burning sensation was a side effect of the steroid eye drop and that I would have to bear with the pain until I heal. For the next entire week, I was weak and tired constantly because I barely slept at night. The pain was eating away at me slowly, it would burn right at the back of my eyes and then sometimes there would be a sharp pain poking at my eyeball. I lost my appetite and strength to do anything else. 

During the entire week, I was patiently waiting for the pain to subside and for my eyes to heal. Apparently that was not the case. One day, I lost my vision to blurriness and I became desperate to see a doctor. I drove with that blurry vision, fighting the pain and struggling to see the road under the bright sunlight so I could see the doctor. Then, Dr Yeoh was not in and I was referred to Dr Jason who then diagnosed me with slight cornea abrasions and severe inflammation. Painkillers were then dripped into my eye and the pain went away. The doctor placed a contact lens on my eye to protect the abrasion and gave me another set of medication. I was then asked to return tomorrow to check on the abrasions and ensure that there was no infection. 

I left the clinic happy with my numbed eyes until I got home and the pain became intense. I was tearing so badly that my face became sticky and wet and my eye got so swollen that I could barely open one side of my eye without hurting the other. 

I returned to the clinic to find out that the abrasion has stretched across my lower cornea and the inflammation at the top made healing even more difficult. Dr Jason had to refer me back to Dr Yeoh who patched up my eye and referred me to another doctor as he would be away for some time. I left the clinic and took a nap whilst the painkillers were still in my eye but woke up to the burn. I had cried so often the past few days my eyes felt numb but the pain was internal, and it was killing me from the inside. 

The next day which was a Sunday, I could not open my eyes any longer. I was then taken to a clinic at Jalan Gasing to check with the doctor what was going on and why my eyes would not heal. Dr Kok checked my eyes and mentioned about the abrasion, and he saw a small thread sticking out on my eyelid and referred me to see an oculaplasty surgeon as there was nothing much he could do. I was then sent home in pain and I could not leave my room at all. I lay in bed all day like yesterday battling with the pain, crying and contorting my body constantly to ease the burn. Sometimes, I had to bite on the pillow so I wouldn't yell out constantly. It was hell.

I called Dr. Alice the next morning thinking I could make an appointment to see her immediately but unfortunately it was a public holiday. I explained my predicament to her and after awhile, we agreed to meet at her friend's clinic at Jalan Gasing. My father immediately drove home from work to take me to the clinic where I finally met Dr Alice who practiced oculaplasty at ISEC in Mid Valley. She checked my eyes and told me the abrasion was quite severe and that it stretched right across my entire lower cornea. Because my eyes were so terribly swollen, she couldn't invert my eyelid to check what was wrong and could only give me some pills and drops to heal the swelling and ease the pain. I returned home, anxious to pop the painkillers but it didn't help at all. I was left with the constant burn and sharp pricks of pain in my eye.

We met up again at the same clinic the next day and she inverted my eyelid but she could not see what was wrong. She gave me some numbing eye drops to ease the terrible pain and told me to use it sparingly as it would only slow down the healing. So I returned home and burned for a good 5 hours until I finally dripped the numbing eyedrops into my eye and fell asleep. I could not eat and I could barely sleep. There was no way I was able to open my eyes and I had to sit on a chair in my toilet to bathe. 

Finally on Wednesday, I went to ISEC in Mid Valley to see her in her office where she has the equipment to invert my eyelid in order to finally find out what went wrong. As I lay on the medical bed whilst she stretch and poke at my eyes, she finally found the thread that was scratching my eye to pieces. Dr Alice had to give me three injections of anaesthesia to numb my eyelid so she could stretch it further back to locate the thread that was hiding in my eye. It was a complicated situation, the thread would hide itself when my eyelid is stretched, then it would stick out when it wasn't stretched. After what seemed like an eternity to me, Dr Alice managed to locate the suture and made a small incision on my eyelid to remove it. Right after that, weeks of pain and torture evaporated into thin air. The severe pain I felt disappeared and the last few days of torture was like a nightmare from yesterday. I was given a day to rest and I would see her tomorrow to check on the healing process.

So far, my left eye is still bandaged as the abrasion still needs time to heal, but I have never felt more relieved in my entire life. Though it was uncomfortable, the burning pricks of pain did not return at all and I was happily eating again. 

Three whole weeks of torture, of pain and only pain. Even though the pain was only in one eye, I could feel my spirit leaving me, and that my entire body was weak and sluggish. I was bed ridden for 5 whole days in the past week, coping with the constant pain and the lack of vision, completely unable to do anything else. Simple things like brushing my teeth or chewing was difficult because all I could feel was the acute pain and I could not focus on doing anything else. I was scared but the pain left me devoid of any other feelings and emotions. My mind and body was entirely focused on coping with the pain, just coping and holding on. I'm glad that's all over now.