Monday, February 9, 2015

the windows of my soul

I have always struggled with being the typical single eyelid asian my entire life. Of course as a child, it did not matter to me single or double, or whether I have a prominent nose on my face, or whether my chin was small enough to fit the norms of beauty. 

Beauty, such a complex word. 
Though simple, its meaning expands throughout different timelines of perceptions and surreal standards of how society has deemed on what shape a woman should look. 

Not only are we then, challenged by how we should style our hair, or the clothes we wear, or the jewellery we don on ourselves; but that challenge is now pushed to the edge towards changing how we naturally look. 


Of course, it was never a crime to push our limits of changing ourselves. It was a way of expression, of what story we would like to tell everyone else. To look beautiful was to lift our confidence, was a way to allow us to feel like we are able to take on the world. And to love varying different facets ourselves even more than we could. 

As a pursuer of beauty myself, I too am caught up in the whirlwind of aesthetics. The magic of being able to further enhance our beauty will always baffle me as the lengths people go through to research and discover more ways to look beautiful. 

I do not fully advocate going for aesthetics but I do not disapprove either. Sometimes, for some of us, it was like another road being paved for us to walk, to stand out after drowning under the endless images of pretty girls. 

After much contemplation, and what felt like a lifetime of waiting, I had my first non-surgical aesthetic done and it became a nightmare from then on.

As mentioned in my previous post which was definitely word heavy, I have decided to further summarise my point here. The pictures above shows what I've looked like recently before having my double eyelid done.

I know many family and friends would say in a typical chinese fashion: "there is nothing wrong with your eyes what. natural beauty is best". But they know themselves how much better we look after having aesthetics done. Like having your eyes buried under heavy eyelids for so long finally come out looking brighter and high-spirited.

Make-up then allowed me to create an eyelid crease but not without tons and tons of mascara and eyeliners. Sometimes, I would resort to wearing false lashes which in my opinion, further damages our already sad and sparse eyelashes.

I remember going through tubes of mascara just to get that pretty subtle double eyelid crease. How much of a difference it makes to my face. I was so glad for that short two weeks when my eyes would finally reflect my personality.
Big and Bright. 

My worst nightmare came true, and I felt like every "I told you so" came to life and crowding me in my pain. It was not a experience I would even wish upon my worst enemy.


I became from this to this.

It was heartbreaking. And the pain was incredible.
I did not know a person could take on so much pain.

More on my next posts. I'll show some bad pictures of when my eyes were terribly swollen.

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