Sunday, July 27, 2008

No words to be placed

Saturday, school was horribly horribly borrring .... Half of the school didn't come and I was there stoning most of the time. Had Han Han for company though.... :) Derrick and Edmund and Justin and Tak Kwin and ...gang were strumming the guitar practically the whole day. Well, except when Pn Zubaidah walked in the class. Was hearing songs and well, really soft singing.. =]
Didn't do much or even accomplished much yesterday. Had to attend chinese tuition after school somemore. I need my sleep!!!! Went for dinner like usual and to 1u to buy some stationaries. I'm going purplish cazy!! I'm purple fetish.xp
Jie, are you okay??
What?? whats wrong??
No its just....that your stuff are all in purple
Even I'm not that crazy for red
I just like the colour

No... I'm not THAT purple crazy
So thats about sums up what i did yesterday.

Whats left of me

Whats left of me
Is all unseen
As I start to fade
The light turns to a dark shade
I won't try to understand whats happening now.
I don't even want to know whats going on right now.
Everything is so screwed up
Suddenly, everything becomes too clear. The acts, the moves. Maybe, this will help me realize, help me to stop hurting myself. I can't bear to look. I can't bear to watch. Its too much to hold on to at once.
Theres nothing else to say, nothing else to do. I'm just numb.
That feeling, this feeling... is like treading on shattered mirrors, each fragment glitters under the sun, drawing blood as you walk over each broken shards of glass. and having the sunlight beating down against your eyelids, prying them open, forcing their way in eventhough you try to shut them out.
Being shut away in a black box, with only an illuminating light to hold on to, the rest is darkness.
these things i concealed
could never be revealed
and when i lay down everything
the morning had gradualed into evening

i find things i never understood
eventhough i've tried everything i could
the day was long as it is now
its mechanical works i don't know how

music streamed through these strings
hear it clear and soft as it rings
face the skies with its billowing wind
it brush your face and hair and sing

these assumptions were never clear
they were all never even near
woven memories come back here
drowning my thoughts with consceince clear

i see and hear and feel you presence
they've always brought strange liaisons
and as they fade gently away
the thoughts that lingered finally lay

in the end it all just cease to move
another troubled mind to soothe
so wrecked were these decisions made
these passionate words that they create

so when will it all crumble down
and then cave in without a sound
the absince estarnged by grains of sand
and it will end as it began

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Like its wings were set free

me and birthday babies =]

the ever usual gang of posers

Celebrated Ai Ni ( the princess ) sweet sixteen birthday... Was a very how do you put it??? Fruitful day I think.. Watch Batman: Dark Knight. Not a very good experince though. Ai Ni didn't know that I was going to watch movie so she last minute buy movie ticket for me. Then her friend picked out seats for her so she didn't know where they were seating. As for my ticket she had to randomly pick out a seat wayyyy front and I mean wayyyy front. I didn;t mind much actually but when we got into the cinema, my whole row was full of boys. Hahaa yes, fortunately for me right. But no, didn't want to be separated from yin, yun, and wen. So I followed them to their seats which is the first row ( can you believe the first row was full too ) and sat on the floor infront of them. RM11 for floor seats and I can tell you it wasn't comfortable at all. I bloody sat there for 3 hours when I had a perfectly good seat up there in the middle of everything. hahaa. stubbornnya. Was closing my eyes with my hands cause I couldn't bear to watch the cutting mouth part. Shared seat with Yue Qi for the first hour and I was lying on her *ahem* *ahem* chest trying to close my eyes. She was laughing away and tickling me. SO I ended up sitting on the damn floor. Then we went to Wong Kok for dinner. Ordered stuff and then we were camwhoring away. lol . Food came and we were all arguing about whose food is whose and Wen was like desperately trying to talk in cantonese with Yue Qi but it all came out like a bunch of rojak. The waitress was so confused. hahaa. After much arguing, we finally got to eat our food. We were stuffed. I was there exchanging desserts with Wen wedding style. Couldn't hold the spoon properly cause we were laughing away. Wait, I think most of the laughing came from me. Then, everyone was trying to shoo the birthday babies away ( aini and yan yan ) . I can tell these people are really good actresses. A golden globe award for Wan Xin, PeiQian, Yin and Yun, and Yue Qi. We tried to light up the magic candles that couldn't be blown off. But they wouldn't relight. Got conned by candles.. hahaa. Wen ran down again to buy new ones and wasabi for the game. In the end, nothing turned out right. Both birthday girls were trying to blow the candle off so they wouldn't have to eat the wasabi nuts. You should have seen their faces. Yan yan lost and Wan Xin mashed up the nuts with ice-cream smeared on perfectly good eatable waffles. Then the bad luck came, I sat on something sticky and shall not elaborate on that but I know aini and wen is quietly sniggering away, I ran to the toilet with ai ni and saw the sticky thing and it wouldn't come off. Ai Ni was being an angel and helped me shield my back the whole time. I ran out to a nearby store which unfortunately happened to be BEACH and bought a super duper expensive skirt that doesn't even worth looking at. But I had no choice and at that point I was ever so desperate so I bought the skirt. Then I ran and changed and walked aroung 1u till my feet was sore. We walked to One world and the hotel was super nice. =] Yes the first place we went was the toilet. Wan Xin and gang was so excited and were chattering non-stop. The guard there keep giving us that u-shouldn't-be-here look. Watever. xp . Walk and walk and walk. then go home the end. =] I know it wasn't much of a day but days like this to me is like a hold-on in time where nothing matters and everything else in th world just takes it place right there and then. Followed wen home first and had a nice long chat with her. =] ohh and i made a deal too. i can't say it or it will be no fun anymore. but heres a hint. the one next is a lucky person. =] Wen, I know you're smiling over there
一切新鲜 有点冒险
The walk on paths or options of life
was never enough to make you strive
will fate come and compromise
destiny itself was could never suffice
slowly , gently walk with me
twiddling with life our hands could be
the woven fabric with colour of seas
like broken glass shattered on lease
take my hand and follow the trai;
on this mysterious little tale
as it unfolds right before you
be dazzled by what it will lead to
together we have walked through life
with its strong walls and high skies
you were always with me my friend
so lets walk untill the end

and yes i do conceal a thing now and then

but i still am accepting the fact that i'm over

and no longer will i reopen the wound

because i'm over

and tho the pain may come back

i try to block it away

because i'm over

over and done with ur tricks that i can't decipher

so go away

and leave me where i use to be

Friday, July 18, 2008

Echoing in Silence

slowly gently the smoke unfurling
with every move its hunger is yearning
forbidden morsels bounded by faith
should it ressist the temptation it crave

one should believe in prayer it sees
or alone shall it quietly be sieze
and on the night of midsummers dream
the smoke shall rise ans rise it seem

the dark that engulfs souls of the lost
will come during the fall of frost
and as the bitter night goes on
the warm heart that reigned is now held on

all that was hope for now has gone
dispersed with the wind triumph that won
the faith believed could not stay long
accompanied by only a lonely song

I have nothing more to say than to feel the pain everyday

Monday, July 14, 2008

Do you hear the spirit within? scream Blitzerz!

Yes here I am people. Back and exhausted from cheer where all the screaming and overflowing emotions drained me. Throat was a little coarse but I still can scream like a woman on the run. =] Blitzerz did great in both days. All were at their very best, arriving for make-up in school in the morning. And then left early for cheer. Had practice and when they start screaming on the mat, the crowd goes wild. hahaa. It was real fun. And yes eventhough we may not won anything and was very very disappointed, at least they've brought the name back up. For the first time, we were outnumbered by the supporters of Convent Bukit Nanas, I'll bet you know who is Xaviers. =] Yea that school. They pretty much deafened my ear on both days. And yea there were many more things that happened but I think I shall just keep them as memories to myself. Cheer was the best thing that has ever happened in my life. And eventhough I may not be one anymore, deep inside, I'm still one heck of a loud cheerleader. Okayy, I shall let pictures do the talking or as what they say, pictures speak a thousand words. So there'll probably a few ten thousand words on my blog already. See ya next year!!!!!!!

The ever great KY who still came eventhough she was in no condition to walk.

And here is my life's teacher, and best friend. Wenyi!!!!

My crazily-mad-awesome cheer partner, Joo Yi
The cute Crystal, famous for quote "Ai-yerrrr"

Here's fun and happy-go-lucky Eunice Mayonaise!!!

Here's Ashley Puan, my cheer junior!! =]
SMKBUD(4)'s proud supporters.....the sea of blue

Tham and Ashley... All smiles!!!

Who could forget JC Wong and of course Lim Ai Ni
"Us against the world"

Consisting of Sue Ann, Vin Yi and Amanda Leong =]

The othere side of me, Lim Ai Ni.

Lai Yee, Tham , Eunice, Joo Yi

I Love Michael Valentine, Hot Hot Hot cheerleader!!!!!

Pretty american judges

I was so wrong about you

I thought you were different

But you are just the same as others

I was a fool

For losing everything for nothing

No more will I fall into the same trap again

Never again


Friday, July 11, 2008

I different side of me

Yes tomorrow is cheer.. Its goin to be over so soon and theres nothing else to look forward to..
Well, besides exams but who will wanna look forward to exams. hahaa.

Am a little excited about tomorrow eventhough theres nothing to be excited about. I'll bet half of the supporters will probably wriggle away after Blitzerz performance. Well, still thanks for the support. Got to be up and early tomorrow. Can't wait to see them take homw something to make up for the dissappointment last year. Too bad I couldn't contribute much. But still, I think that being a supporter is still contributing something.

Sometimes life might not be what you thought it would
And most of the time it wouldn't go your way
But everytime you tell yourself its going to be great
It just goes wrong
You may not be wanted by anyone nor will you want anyone either
Its the need to try and fit in to where ou actually belong
But you can't
A sea of familiar faces
But none of them recognisable at all
Some may keep your trust and then let loose of them
The trust unpromised and forsakened
Taken for granted
And the world lives on like that

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Dragonfly Dreams

Cheer 08 is this Saturday and please do come by any means possible.
Though I know that there are some who doesn't support Trixxon and think its too expensive (can't help agreeing on that fact ) just come by LRT. Or whatever transport besides trixxon bus that exists out there. Blitzerz is getting on very well and I certainly hope that things will get better this year.
We're all here for you guys!!!
I sit by the stands silently watching the loud chants and quick movements across the path. Many thoughts crossed my mind at once. What if I was there? What if I was cheering out loud with them? Everyday, everytime I hear that loud chants, I can't help but wishing I was with them. Basking in every last moment I have worked hard for. But now everything is different. I am no longer part of that. Its all over.

melancholic dreams of words that seems
a little too far and distances too dim
upon the light that flickered at night
with nervous tingles of bugs that took flight
the rippling sound of crashing wings
of bloddy hues with yellow tints
and as they hummed an echoing height
their bodies crumble beneath that light
you think you know you've seen them all
the sights and sounds of that loud call
the senses that you never knew
unused and wasted like falling dew
the feelings of such on a rainy day
the clouds are hinted with blue and grey
raindrops pattered upon the earth
its soil so fertile with warm hearth
young shoots glistened with sparkling drops
and heavy with dew the dandelion flops
its young petals still fresh from the day
and then it is picked from where it lay
some journey is ended without a hope
and some still never knew how to cope
with hardships that sauntered along the way
all is well that ends well, is what they say

Secrets kept hidden beneath dark unmoving eyes..

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Estranged by your absence

So much has changed in those past few months. The good and bad parts were all nstalgic to what we've all been enduring now. Patience, hardships, and hidden truths and broken secrets were all pushed to its very limits. Enduring that pain was the least I could do and still go on with life. Sometimes I wonder is there anyone who has never have to go through all this, unnecessesary emotional events. They burn through your memory and leaves a scar that may never fade with time. And though I know of the consequences of what my actions will eventually bring later, I never regret what I had did and what I had gone through. Sometimes, the pain may be too immense that I just couldn't hold myself in and all those mistakes people make of me just gets to me. I may not just be everything, but I may not be nothing too. I thought everything will change for the better but it seemed that I was wrong. Everything in the past was unfolding itself slowly all over again. Will I just be ready to go through the nightmares laid beyond each step I've taken?

I'm still surviving in my new add maths tuition full of DJ people.. arghhh. Add maths...Can't wait for cheer next week. lols. Been piling myself up with homework. Cousin finally came down from Shah Alam and went out on a shopping spree together. Ohh, dads back from Bangkok. Finally after 3 weeks, I could finally kiss the tv again. Three whole weeks, who could survive that long. =]
Manage to see Wen and Ai NI's performance. She was shivering like crazy but overall their performance were awesome....

" I can't believe after all this time, I still want you "

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Not exactly having a good week this week... So much problem to deal with and so much pain to overcome it. I'm tired tired tired. Plus, dads gonna ba back real soon. I wonder how much more problems will eventuall pile up to make a mountain. I'm sorry to the people who I have ignored this week due to over thinking and sometimes just felt like being alone. I couldn't cry over it and I couldn't tell anyonw about it. What else am I suppose to do? Maybe I did try to laugh along and act like everythings alright but when I come home, its not. School was always my sanctuary, my place to avoid problems I can't deal with at the moment. It will eventually soon pass