Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Contradiction, another way of conveying lies

Sometimes I don't know who to believe in anymore.
I don't know who can I confide in anymore.
I have lost myself, still wondering in some lifeless warp of nothingness.
And maybe if I try to keep it all to myself, it would be for the best.
But how much could one take, without shattering from the inside.
I don't know how to seal it all up, and hold it within myself without breaking down.
Because the things I have to keep are the burdens I carry upon me.

I'll bet there won't be anymore dreams at night, and there won't be those solemn nightmares that haunts you.
Because everything will only be in a daze, a slow blurry yet unforgiving pain, seeping through at night.
And now I am more awake than ever, trying to escape not the nightmares, but that slow daze that catches me and stops me in a hallucination of empty pictures.
Pieces after pieces of black white sheets, shredding itself before me.

A kind of numbness I cannot feel, yet I am not able to make it subside.
And so I could only succumb to it, rather than fighting.
I am tired. So damn tired. But this burden would not go away.
I cannot look after the people, and yet I try.
I try to forget the seeping numbness to protect for what I could now.
The rest, is not up to my capability. This is all I can do.

As for myself. I am not here for you to judge.
I have taken in the most painful, unforgivable moments.
And yet here I still stand, not a trace of sorrow, and not a crease of rage.
I could not satisfy everyone, and I don't want to anymore.
My life does not apply to everyone, because they misuse me for granted.
And it is until here.
It is so easy for one, because you only see me.
But you don't see as me, because you'll see the eyes of so many others.

I still am here, trying to suck in everything.
And I am no hero, so don't expect me to listen.
I am myself, and I am sick of people who tries to contradict me.
Keep your words to yourself.

It will be up to me whether I choose to confide or not.
Because I am human, and I can't take too much.
I am up until here. And this is the end.

I will miss the moments we had.
Or I thought we did.
Sometimes, it just won't go away.
But at least, I know you're happy.
Maybe someday we'll reminisce those moments.
Be safe and take care, I love you.

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