Saturday, August 30, 2008

Not what I asked for, do you see me behind this withered door?

Sometimes, I wish I was somebody else
Sometimes, I wish I had someone else's family

, I wish I had more freedom
Sometimes, I wish I was more inviting

Sometimes, I wish I was smarter

, I wish life wouldn't be so hard on me
Sometimes, I wish I wasn't here.

Even though life did not go where I want it to go, it will pass one way or another. Its like going on a journey, walking on a road with only one path. Its either we walk through it or go back. There's no other secret road or hidden path. It has to be gone through. Troubles and decisions and many other inhumane events have brought me to realize that it will pass. How long will it remain there? days, weeks, months, years??? Maybe, but it will pass.

How long have I walked upon rocks that tears the skin apart? How long have I tread upon glass that draws blood as you walk? How long have I stepped on burning pebbles that burns the skin into black ash?

Long enough.

Theres nothing to plead or beg for, but to silently walk over fears and troubles that burdens the soul as it lays unmoving upon the shoulders. Wishing it wasn't you, wishing it will go away. Closing your eyes and imagine this is a dream. But when you lift those heavy eyelids, it comes back, bringin back more horrors unseen before.

But this is where I am already. This is where I have stood for so long. Alone. So scared that it will come back, not trusting anyone in the world, not knowing who to ask for help, not knowing which next step to take. Unsure of everything. Wishing someone else was there to find comfort in. Wishing the universe would just turn around and banish all fears that walked upon this earth.

And them theres something else untold. Some secret that weighs more than the sky above each acre of land. That secret which changes someone into another being, to turn their lives the other way round. And maybe..cause even more sufferings.

So why is this all just another tree by the side. Or a broken branch laying still upon the ground. Or the sun that beats down upon that path. Another obstacle in the way, another problem to solve, another trouble to go through. And in the end, it will all pass.

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