Everything is f*cked up

I'm fucking pissed. Yes thats one way to put things now.
There are so many rude words running in my head and currently, I can't decide which issue to say first.
You think that I do not have a life??
And that I'm some fucking puppet to you.
Maybe if you just go get a dumb puppet to work for you. You'd get less grey hairs.
Does it hurt to laugh a little? Or you just fucking hate the way I laugh.
What about you bitch.
So, its kinda okay if other people laughs and never do things properly.
Is that it?
Then whats your fucking problem.
Is it a mission for you or some sort to terrorise my fucking already miserable life?
Or maybe you just wanna make things hard for me.
You ask me to solve my problem?
What about HER. Its not HER fault that she strays away with that fucking boyfriend of hers?
But its mine because I have to go .
Because I have a life besides practicing cheer.
Or maybe you'd prefer me to quit because I smile too much.
I wonder what will you fucking do if I quit.
See if you can find someone better than me. If you're so fucking unsatisfied.
You're a fucked up bitch. Do you know that?
Why do everyone have to suffer your friggin bloody mood swings.
You think its so awesome that you have everyone in your command.
And its totally okay to bitch about me.
Because its your nature to do so.
And I know you will.

I am so tired. Trying to please you.
I know how it felt like when people were mean to me, so as I grow, I try to make people happy.
But unfortunately, people like you, misused my intention.
You fucking treat my like some bloody ass of a dog.
Do I look like a dog to you?
I'm nice. And so you had to use that fact.
Use me like I'm your full time servant.
Like I don't have a life but to serve yours only.
Bitch. I wanna spit in your fucking face and bloody tell you to go get a life.
Cause it seems that you don't have one.



I am so tired trying to cope with everything at hand.
The broken heart and the uncontrollable anger.
And guess what, everybody loves you. So I could not say anything.
You think I've got no balls to stand up to you.
I'm tired damn it. I don't have the strength to go against you.
There is so much going on in my mind, and because you are so insignificant...
Why would I bother.
You are not a problem to solve. But a annoying mosquito that wouldn't go away.
I wish... so badly that I could just close my eyes.
And see things my way.
Perfection. My perfection.
Because all this, all this shit is taking a hell lot out of me.
And this idiot, I could not give up on, has already strained most of me.
I'm hurt, but nobody cares. Because who would listen to tiny little me anyway.
The girl who would just let anyone push her around.
Amanda was right.
I should stop. I should have stop from the very beginning, because not everybody applied.
Because they AREN't worth helping for.
They are not people, but shiny dolls without a heart.
You're perfect so what. Does it matters to me.
So what. You posses all the finer qualities in the world.
So what. You could have everything you ever wanted.
So what. You could just moan and cry and everybody comes rushing to you.
When they do not know how much pain I have to endure.
The emptiness.
Stop telling me to chill.
Try chilling when the whole world's weight is on your shoulders.
When your family is in crisis,
When your future is in jeopardy,
When everybody wants something from you,
When your yearning could not be delivered.
What can you still say to that?