Insanity has driven me to the end

Sejarah today...Damn freaked out. hahaa.. My phone was ringing non-stop yesterday night because I had to open my mouth and ask everyone if they wanted tips. Was busy studying sejarah during physics. Poor poor Mr.Yeoh, I think he probably hates me now. But who could say no to sejarah.

Anyway, I decided to sit at Rebecca's place. Ergh hmm..Yes Rebecca as in the one in my class. No comments please, don't ask me where did I attained the courage to sit at her seat but I did. Well, because frankly my sejarah results is much more important to me than hygiene now. I'm DESPERATE!!! But don't get me wrong. She didn't sit at my seat, but sat at shariman's instead. *whispers a prayer* =]

Sejarah was crap crap crap to the end. I was halfway freaking out before I'd even open the test paper. What a coward..hahaa. Its sejarah for heaven's sake, thank Junaidah and thank the world for the very existence of T-I-P-S. Junaidah ia a nice teacher eventhough I don't even know how she look like . Ohh well, there probably wouldn't be enough time if I were to get to know the whole world right?

Lalalaa. Can't wait till next week. I'm free I'm free. Well not till then. There's still one more week to go. That will be approximately 5 days which is exactly 35 hours. =]
I'm going nuts.
Fair warning to you.

People can change and sometimes,
they change in a way you'd never understand.
But we shouldn't avoid them because of mistakes done a long time ago.

Forgive and forget and start over again.

Anyone looking for an english lit class please notify me.
I need people. =]
*whispers * I suck in advertising. But you get my point.

You lied as though there were no rules to abide

Sometimes we hide the truth, as so that we wouldn't hurt ourselves deeper than the pain felt now.
We make the necessary actions and arrangements, and say the necessary words, so to comfort the guilt we carry or we assume that we are guilty of.

Life has its ways, and each way branches out into different paths that will eventually lead to different places.
Everything, no matter how long or how much time it consumes, will still end somehow.
And when it ends, we move on.

We are all born that way, like a mechanism built to move on regardless the pain or sorrow.
But we look forward to the end, for the pain throughout the wait may hurt a little too much.

When we lose our way, we sober and wonder why us?
But we should know that each obstacle faced on the way is just like a speed bump on the highway.
One that everybody without exceptions, has to go through.

Yes, we look back at times to see how far we've made it.
We reminisce old images and rekindle aged friendships.
these are the accomplishments we've made so far, and not to be look down as failures.
And so, no matter how deep the wound, in due time will heal, and finally move on from there.

LOuD ' 08

Mangoes anyone???

Hello, excuse the really irate post below.

Loud...was well..loud. hahaa
Walked around outside the auditorium before the concert. Saw Ashley performing with ORD (One Red Paperclip). They were awesome, but Ashley's voice was a little faint. Anyways, the song was okay. Hahaa. The next band were telling cold jokes after their performance. Everyone stared at them and hesitated a little before clapping.

Spent most of my time walking around and around with KY. I mean practically around and around the whole building. Walked, talked, watched....yada yada. Didn't get to take much pictures though. There were a lot of people there.

And so finally went into the big auditorium and with great difficulty, find seats to sit down. I really love the stomping at the beginning of the show. It really was an awesome beginning. Then, they threw gifts which of course was for the few front row. *screams throw further* Anyways, sat back and enjoyed the concert. But actually I spent my time standing up screaming and jumping my head off with KY.

It was a night I surely didn't expect. Not in a bad way I guess.

Mum and Kim watching RisePeople falling off buildings

Watched 'The Happening' yesterday. Me and my sister were mostly screaming throughout the whole movie. It was so friggin violent. In case you didn't know, this movie is about plants that felt threatened by mankind, so they release a kind of toxin that was airborne and everyone who breathes it becomes physically disoriented and finally lead to suicidal acts. The toxins released by the plants interfered with the neurons in the brain, causing man to commit the most brutal suicidal acts. There was one part where this girl took out the pin in her hair and stabbed the nape of her neck. Then there was this old man who turned on the lawnmower and lay down infront of it for him to be run over. Yuck!!! Thrilling.

Its true that I did not know, or even realise what really was going on outside. But now I see everything with new clarity never before. I finally put my head up and realize that this were all illusions after all. To have spent all my time thinking about it, now its just gone. My dream and the very reason I live through each day is now taken away from me. Everything was just so sudden. I feel as though I was robbed of my senses now, leaving me empty and my life meaningless. I finally figured it out, how perfectly everything just falls into place. The only part that didn't belong in there was me and my foolish self. Did it have to take so long? Was all of them just illusions after all, meaningless acts that brought nothing more than pain? Maybe now, I'll be at ease and hopefully move on and away from this monstrous nightmare.

And so in the end, cinderella remained as she was.
Cleaning the cinders left behind in silence and in rags.
Happily ever after.

When life turns, they turn

You think you knew someone but you don't really know what happens when your back is turned.
You were trusted with something and who could in their sane mine would abuse that trust.
You think I did not know. You think I was that naive?
I just couldn't believe what I've heard. How could you be such a bitch.
And you certainly know who I'm referring to.

You aren't in my place, you aren't me.

You don't know and don't understand what I feel.
You think its so cool talking behind people's back.
You think its so fucking amusing to make fun of people. Bitch! I trusted you.
Acting like you were a best friend, acting like everything will remain a secret.
I know you've got all the friends in the world, and I know you've got everything you could ever want.
But until when, will you stop acting like everything is yours.
So, bitch. What have you got to say?
A curse a swear or more backstabbing cause that is what you have devoted your whole life into rite?
You should know how it feels like since you've been through it before.
But I was never in my place to judge you.
And you were never in your low common place to judge me too.
Keep your fucking critisism to yourself.
And all your fucking sucking up to yourself.
Keep your bitchy self and your bitchy ego to your own face.
Oh, remember, not everybody is in love with you, even though you think they are.
And even if they really do, your time will come when you will just rot in hell.
Like all bitches do.

So now I still have the courtesy to ask you to get the fuck out of my life.
And take your fucking pride with you too.

These images were just the beginning

Amongst there images floating ahead
They tell the words of those unsaid
Come alive the night history creates
The lingering presence of passion made

In hollow cups filled with care
And chatters filled the silent air
Of shadows gliding here and there
Quietly they moved and stare

Drinked, danced upon the glittered floor,
To find whats hidden behind that door
Reach closer and stand before these eyes
When they take you in crumbling sighs

So close this distance cease to mattered
Closed upon there pages so tattered
To bring them back needed so much more
Pain never suffice to end this sore

There was all that I could muster up. I'm being drained. Didn't realize how much those little words and their simple meanings could hurt so much.

Computer was out for a few days. Will blog later about last week. =]

When life gets down too low, raise your spirits up

And so here I am... Worried for finals, and yet I could not put my head down to study what has been taught, and struggling hard to hold on to the knowledge needed to get out of here.

I ended up going to school yesterday, and guess who I saw... Joyce Ong!! Yeap, she was there for some questionnaire about mental health. Apparently she's studying psychology. Interesting subject. All the best kay!

Words cannot express the hurt I feel right now,

the way you move as though you couldn't care less for a thing in this world.

Maybe I should try to be like you....

No.Its too hard.

How can you fight the water currents when you can't even swim to resurface?

I still try to pull myself together and tell myself that everything will be alright.

But how can I lie when I know things aren't going to be okay?

I'm not everything, but I'm all there is to me.

What happened?

Love does not care for the ending, But for the journey

To be able to love, even if it is just once.

By just reminiscing the memories left behind from the journey;

in the end,

whether you could be with him or not

does not matter anymore.

Which part of the book was easily compared to life itself?

Why ohh why does the heart ceases to hurt so bad? Why does the time ticks away when you think that everything was in its place? Where have all the tales gone? And leaving us to be left upon cold sorrowful rocks.

"April is the cruellest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with warm spring rain"

"What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow

Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,

You cannot say, or guess, for you know only

A heap of broken images..."

" And I will show you something different from either

Your shadow at the morning striding behind you

Or your shadow at the evening rising to meet you "

"If I can stop one heart from breaking...

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching;

And easily ease my own,

Or cool one pain;

And cool mine alone,

Or help one fainting robin

unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain"

I have so many things to blog about. So lets get started before this becomes a neverending blog. Last Friday was my mum's birthday as mentioned in my previous blog.. Gave her presents and cake. Can't really tell if she was ecstatic about it or not.. hahaa... But thats okay.
Anyways, Ying ying jie jie (cousin from penang ) brought her newborn baby to our house and stayed for the weekend. I can tell you taking care of a baby is a seriously full time job. I can never be a babysitter. This is Kenneth Goh. =] cute!

Hey you!!!*sticks tongue*

We went off to Mid Valley last saturday with Ying Ying, her son, and my other cousin (her brother) and his wife. A long list ehh. Mum came along too. Ate, shop, walk. Stopped by my cousin's wife's shop. Well, she doesn't really own the shop ( The Natural Source ) but sorts of manages it. Bought stuff there and went off again. Its been a really long time since I've been to Mid Valley. *sighs* had great fun with her son. He's really adorable in that baby-ish way. He is a baby after all. Then, on Sunday, we went off to ikea. Walked again, and shopped, doing what you can do at a shopping mall. She bought Kenneth a blue giraffe that sings. Hahaa. Okayy, it doesn't sing, it justs play music like a music box. He loved it so much he wouldn't let go of it. A blur giraffe with orange legs that sings. LOL. The cashier had to practically pry it out of his fingers to scan the item and he still didn't want to let go.
hahaa. Everyone was laughing when he did that. It was so cute!!! I think he went into hypertension. hahaa. His hands were shivering and hid his face behind his mum when we were taking pictures of him.

Kim's little red devil Ying Ying bought for her.

Do you have any idea what this is? Its a steamed fish lips... blueish in colour. hahaaa. They have like super think lips. My cousin went fishing (ying ying's brother) and caught the fish back. It was still moving.. ewe.

Mwah!

And the end of the day, moi

Pretty pretty flats from curve. =] Will never ever ever wear shoes one size smaller anymore. My feet hurt like hell. Mum had to stop by any random shoe shop to buy me a new pair of shoes. I ended up with this pair.

Yesterday tuition. Nobody knew about it. He just placed the chair there with this paper stuck onto it. Its really sheety cause I had to rush all the way from music class from school and to find out that theres no tuition. EEsh.

I want to go Loud concert!!!!!!

kenneth in action.

Ohh, he vomitted there. Poor thing, the place smelled of sour milk. He's still a baby after all. When you watch this, better put your speakers on low. He screams.

What would've happen if fate, time and hope were to be granted upon us?

Pretty? Yam's hair done by your truly. =]

Was I suppose to be happy about it?

Life is like this big question mark above my head.

Did the light had any oither meaning? To happen to mislead and revealed the old paved path that was hidden for so long now. Was the ground taking in every bit of happiness left of hope, seeping down within the black laden soil. The thick pungent smell of death shades the faint of hearts. And the cursed growth that erupts fromt below comes out into the light, reaching out to grab and pull in. Unnamed creatures appearfrom the unknown, bringing with it a creature of hideous form. Whose face would drown the happiest soul, whose skin wriggled with black thing of the damp. It writhes and twists to free it self from the chains that holds it on the ground. And only the weak and the coward would listen to its pure sweer poison that poured from those curled lips.

Have faith. For only faith can strengthen its bonds upon its twisted hands of rage.

Yet again, another metaphor of what I was trying to say.

Things can just be so queer some times, you never know what would happen next...

And you are just left there to wonder.

What are you trying to tell me?

I know, I know I'm lacking on pictures. But really truly, I'll try to update pictures kayy.

Mum's birthday is coming soon!!! Won't reveal her actual age for her sake. hahaa. Age is just a number... I remember someone saying that before. Its up to you to believe it or not.

School, school is the usual boring chitty-chatty day. Puan lee has decided not to leave us. Oh for heaven's can she just decide whether to retire or not. Okay fine, she has decided to stay. maybe its better for us students, if not we'll be exposed fully under the wrath of the pengetua. Yikes!!

Should I go to school tomorrow?? should I should I. Finals are here in two weeks. TWO WEEKS!! thats like 14 days away. OMG... I'm worried sick now. I can't sleep without thinking of add maths and sejarah. Then, theres physics and chemistry and all the stinkin salts we have to remember....blah blah blah...*drones on and on about bio* And Finally. *slaps herself* okayy okayy I'm awake and back to my senses.

I can't wait foe exams to be over. Seriously. I wish I wish I could attend the loud concert. Hopes mummy would allow. haih... Exams.. Future...* r.i.p*

When would i finally wake up and see the reality that was woven infront of me, instead of deluding myself with a world where I was a stranger. Could it be so hard, just to open my eyes and look. And watch the ground cease its shaking, and watch the black clouds go away as if they were a dream. I want to stop seeing creatures from the past that haunts me ever so often. Lifting their arms out, trying to catch me and bring me into their world of pain and sadness, and lost hopes, and unforgiven grudges.

Maybe I will just wake up someday, and everything would make sense to me. I would live my life as I should live it to be.

Unsure? yes, truthfully said

Sometimes when you set your heart to do something, you'll just go on doing it or stay in the game long enough to see yourself give up and fail. Somehow, things have to be one way or another. And not all the choices made were satisfying or even just enough. Was there even a fraction of that given choice that maybe I was illuded by happiness? I don't know. Was I able to take that step closer, that step that could have made all the difference now. That step which I wouldn't have regret not taking it now. I regret so much that I did not do it, eventhough I know I have already placed in endless efforts to try.

I've tried. I really have. How could you say that I have not. But what more could you still want?
I am of but one person only, and the endless things I could have done has its line to draw too. I don't know what could just have been, maybe it wouldn't work? And yet, still another puzzling end I did not take to reach there.

I'm left to stare at the empty screen, just pondering over what could have just happen? Was all good things so sacrificial? Do they need the absence of one good thing before they could create another?