Looked up an old notebook of mine and saw all the old song lyrics I wrote. All my favourite words and quotes. Managed to re-download most of them and I am currently listening to them again. I feel a sense of nostalgia when I listen to it.
And I thought about all those days when I felt the true bliss of happiness. I miss it so much. But the pain... not so much. Sometimes, there's this guilt still hanging around me. Haunting me because I would not think of him anymore. All those words that I've prepared and all those countless letters I wrote, wasted. I just realized I do not have to guts or the strength to sit through the ending. It's not a cowardice act, or giving fear the permission to hold me back. It's just me, realizing that there's nothing more to us than a fading past. I can't help but thinking about all those "what if"s. There's no point in trying to undone the past. I just wish that I could understand why the gap has suddenly opened between us. I want to understand why have we drifted away.
Now, there's no one else to think of during those nights. There's no scene to replay in my head over and over again. Everything is fading. You face, your smile, your words, your presence. Gone. I know it's about time to release everything. Let the past fall into the waters and sink to the bottom.
He's gonna live his life and I'm going to live mine.
I am leaving it all behind.