Thursday, November 18, 2010

when the door closes, it shuts in your face, and you're left to stare at the missing chance you did not take

Nobody is going to tell me what I want.
Nobody is going to tell me what I'm feeling.

I'm lost and confused. And it feels like as if I'm walking around and around in never ending circles.

Am I over the past, left the drawer locked and abandoned?
But why has the dust not settled upon it yet?
Why does it look like the drawer has been reopened again and again?

I don't know.

I won't deny that I still think of you. I still think of the days we've left in high school.
Every haunting memory that keeps running back, as if I've been watching reruns or soap operas.

The words I still keep inside a book, and every black alphabet still holds a picture of a different meaning. But each words made me tear myself up all over again.
As I wonder why was I so destructive of myself?

It is as though each mirror would break when I look into them.
And each piece of my self respect would shatter before me.
The mocking laughters of those better than me in so many ways.

They still haunt me.

Like ghost, vengeful for their deaths, slowly waiting for me.

I'm scared. I really am.
Who knows how I would live my life then.
So determined to be alone. Would I decide my own fate now?

Will I still fall again?

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