Friday, October 15, 2010

save me

I am angry. I am very very angry. In fact, I am in such a rage I feel like blowing up the house.
But I won't. Why?
Cause I am stupid and I know I will regret it very much later.
But there is no harm in bitching about her, because bitch about her I will.

I am tired of lying for her. I am tired of trying to cover up everything for her.
I am fucking tired. But nobody cares.

Its so hard to become the good character. Why can't I just be the villain.
It wouldn't make much of a difference except that I have a heart and she doesn't.

You would be the reason I left home.

And I anticipate the coming year where I won't be home for three months.
I am anticipating it. I'd rather stay alone, far away from any contacts for a while than face her bloody needs all the time. I swear she lives to enslave me. Its like her only reason to live.

I don't know why am I so angry about this.

I am tired. To the brink that I bring the people around me down.
I swore to myself that everything will be okay.
And even then, I would try to stay happy.
But for those moments, I just can't.
How could one person take in all of these nonsense.
My life is nothing but a game, the part where I'm losing.
And it feels like I would only have a one in a million chance of staying alive.
Its that all.
That my life is at stake, and I am trying to survive on my own.

There's nobody here anymore.
I am all alone.
And yet, I take on the world.
I take on the things that I know would be impossible.
But I challenge myself at every angle.
I swerve and turn, and I run over the words and lies I had to keep.
Because, after holding on for so long.
I know it will end.

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