does she know how I fucking feel. does she know what have I done for that fucking brat. does she even know?

does she know what her actions make me feel. does she know that every comfort she gives would only go to her. does she know how painful it would be to always be the one being pushed away. does she even realised that?

does she know how left out I feel. does she know the pain I go through when I hear them whisper together. does she know how she cares more for the younger one. because she was more precious after all.

I did not ask much even though I know I had everything. I did not demand for so much more to the extent that I was desperate for it. does she know I had to wait for everything that falls into me. the patience behind each item.

does she know?

does she know I always try to make things okay. does she know I’m always her protective shell and that whatever may come will only hurt me. does she know how much crap I had to put in for the younger one. does she know how strong a face I had to put on everyday.

does she even care?

I don’t sit around waiting to be comforted by her anymore. I don’t sit around to wait for her to tell me its going to be okay. because I’ve grown up, and I know she can’t wait around on me too.

I know she’s done alot. and I wish I was obedient enough to be there when she needed help. i was grateful for everything. And I try not to complain much.

I know I am being petty, and I know I am an ass.

I know I don’t deserve anything and I know I shouldn’t ask.

I’m tired of hiding, and standing around.

I’m tired of holding on, waiting homebound.

sorry I wasn’t the ideal daughter you want.

sorry I wasn’t pretty enough or skinny enough or smart enough.

sorry I wasn’t the bright one or the successful one.

But, at least I’ve tried.