The notes

I want to know whats going on, everythings is being concealed from me. All those once familiar faces have now put on a mask to seal all emotions beneath. Its always like this no matter how much I try to adapt to the new changes. I guess I'm not and never will be a part of who I try to be. It all not true, just lies. Its like suddenly the whole world is turning onto me. I've got a few more months ahead of me.... could I still remain sane for the rest of my journey? I guess now, all I could hold on to is to concentrate on everything else.

The notes all make up a song. And the song is played by the pianist. And at first, everything was going smoothly as the pianist tries to put the piece together. And through time, the piece is completed. And the pianist is having the time of his life playing the song to everybody who wants to share his pride and joy. Then, the piece starts to fall away. Its demand was getting lesser. The song was never played properly as it once was.The pianist will stumble ober each keys bringing pain to each notes played. And as the piece starts to sound even worst, the pianist stop playing the piece altogether. And the song was never again brought up to play anymore as the pianist moves on to another new song.

A part of lifes journey ahead of all of us................

Useless and disappointing

Decided to go to Hari Bakat at the last minute. So I went, Won't go into details about the whole thing because theres just too many things to say. The dances were awesome especially the sexy back one. It was cool no doubt. Then, theres Alethea with the violin and Angela with the piano. It was a very beautiful duet. Oh of course I cannot forget, the cheerleaders. Yea, their stunts were awesome. And the beatbox was really cool. It felt like they were singing to a minus one song. And theres the shuffling dance thingi. Hahaa...they look like they were gliding on the stage. It was funny. All the random moving about. =] And Yu Xin could sing really well, I didn't know that. wow hahaa.....

And after all it ended, what happened wasn't nice. Followed Wen and Ai Ni to McD. Before that, we had to wait for someone to go first..hahaa... and I shall not elaborate on that. Private matter =] ..She reminded me of one part of my past, that very painful part where I had sleepless nights thinking about it, and always finding ways into my head when I never wanted it to. Ohh well, thats another story altogether. And when everyone was about to go home, as much as I want to say it out loud and tell the whole world, I won't. And I will not do it. Yes, its depressing and hurtful but I still will refrain myself from thinking about it all over again.

After those months, those very short months. I felt free for once. I wasn't bouded to hurt and pain anymore. I wouldn't pain myself further just to think about it, since there was no hope in the begginning. I wasn't someone else. I am me. Thinking about it has really made me realise that I have brought the pain onto myself. I was giving myself false hopes again and again. I just would not give up and didn't believe that I didn't have a chance. But I was wrong, I was a complete fool. I was ever so stubborn to go on and keep believing. I know better now. I've learn from my mistakes.

Anger and hate keeps welling up

Until it filled the brink of the cup

Banished emotions brought back to life

Like stinging bees around a hive

The thirst for more was never quench

To see and feel and taste that stench

Of horrifying monsters and dreadful nightmares

And black pits of death all ready to stare

look deep into the very soul

Of hate and despise and death so cold

Treacherous hands ressurected the dead

And hurl fresh flesh for lies to be fed

The thickening fog could not be calmed

Like great fire burning to a song

Its young flame dances and fiddles and turn

As the log is set alight to burn

And here's another shorter one........

The ravenous hunger unable to fill

With innocent rodents ready for kill

Foretell the future it you will

But the done deeds you cannot seal

Follow the meandered river to past

To move along for the die to be cast

With shimmering light bestowed upon the last

The one's face hidden behind a black mask

Yes and so I've heard that the form 2 boy whose class is the form 4 row, died. He passed away because of some stupid accident. Hearing this news made me feel how precious life is to us at the moment. Everything could just change with a twist of fate. You would never know that next thing that may happen. As for the poor boy, I'm sure he's at peace. People out there, take chances in life and stop mopping around feeling sorry for yourself or cower and never try out new things. We have only one life to live. And despite the stupid long same "live life as you can only live once" advice thing, its true. Of course everyone has heard the same thing before but, they never seem to do it. Stop wishing you're gone, and don't give up in anything you pursue. Never regret and live life no matter how high the obstacles may be. =]

Drained of emptiness

Once too often can drain you of everything just very suddenly. Feeling so angry all the time about everything there is. Have I become the insane amongst the sanity? And the anger amongst all peace? And the fire above the water. Everything that I felt confident off was just swept away so suddenly, like the pool of sunlight being drained by the unwanted fog, dark and musky. All of my inspirations are gone.

I can see that Blitzerz are really progressing well in their stunts. They should keep it that way. Really hope they will do better this year.

I lost my favourite necklace from mum. *omg* I feel really lost and parted with it. Okay I know that I'm exaggerating a little but its true. I want it back so badly.

The sunlight that gilded through the thick fog was nothing but streams of it and barely noticeable. Its once glorious light has now turned into somewhat cloud of dust and nothing more. Where has its garnished beauty gone to? Its light is what brought on hope and dreams, ambitions and honour. The golden ball of light shines down on the ground and cast a million tiny fragments of glass that blinds the most great seeing sight. And to show that nothing was impossible to find, and of great expectations. I have yet to find my inspirations back to create work unknown to others but secretly hidden for oneself to enjoy.

Need more worrying?

I'm sorry people for not being any more efficient than I am....

I'm sorry for bothering those people who wasn't involved with it but had to....

I'm sorry for causing all the unnecessary worries....

Eff the stupid com *especially the internet* it doesn't seem to be working well these days.
I'm now ever more determined to get that printer. =)

I seem to get irate very often these days, especially with my mum. Ruined mornings of mine with little fights and screamings. I feel heavy with each passing day causing more worries for myself. Losing weight in the process?? hahaa. Guess not. Everything just starts to pile up day by day. Every useless words and meaningless riddles just gets to me. The going-ons are passing quick and I can't catch them. Not one. Will I eventually catch up with the words spoken?

Layout is not complete yet people... haih.. No longer am in control of everything. Its all a big blank blur to me.

Oh and an early Birthday to Ashleywie =)

Told you I'd be the first to wish you.

Happy Sweet Sixteen !!!!

Gwen, when will you ever learn to give up?

Its exactly 12.14.31 a.m

People, as you know tomorrow theres school and obviously it be really cool if you stay up really late. But not for me, no thank you. I'm know I'm lame or whatsoever cuz I need to sleep early CUZ theres school tomorrow!!!! eesh. Wondering why am I still online?? Yes well, I have no idea of what pictures for the layout (thats been rejected) and I'm still thinking of who to call at this friggin hour to print pictures so we don't have to rush tomorrow. Being considerate? Yes I am. Thank God mummy was sleepy and had to go to bed so I could use the com. If anybody manages to read this before Monday, please do not laugh at my extremely huge eye bags cuz I don't have any foundation to cover them. I know I'm being fecking stupid but she was busy the whole day worrying bout the layout and finding people to print and photoshop and yada yada. So, yes being the saint that I am decide to sneakily use the com to find pics.(next time tell me earlier kay? ) Then, my stoopieed hotmail died on me.. I hate the internet... Yes my dad has just fixed the modem and sometimes its not working well. So.... yea, thats my sad story. And now, for a moment I'm stoning here wondering if the pictures are enough to use tomorrow. You know what, what could be a better sixteenth birthday present than a printer and photoshop software. Stupid wish right.? But if you were in my place, you would wish for the same thing too.

So today is Monday, since its well after 12..

19 days more to cheer 2008

Sorry people for calling you at this hour of the night.. Thanks for being so considerate.. =]

Btw, I'm a little afraid of going downstairs in the dark because it seems that I'm the only person that is still awake in this house and I need to put back the house phone. So much for livid imaginations. I feel the chillc in my spine. *squeaks* mummy??

Get your cheer on!!!

20 days countdown to cheer

I've been on one whole week without tv. Can you believe it?? So busy friggin studyin bio these days. Got to catch up with my add maths too. Trouble getting to SS2 to get materials to make more poms-poms. Hope the promotion thing for cheer 08 is working out. Can you believe its cheer 08 already. It feels like yesterday when I was out there skipping classes to practice for the upcoming cheer 07. Now, all I do is sit by the stands and wish them all the best. =] Ohhh and I'm addicted to Graham Masterton. Don't know who he is. He is the author of the most gruesome murders and fairytales stories. Highly Addictive. Though I recommend you not to read while eating and before sleeping. Such a gripping novel. Yet, has parts of chills and tremors..

Support Blitzerz yo

The world once round has now evolved

Into somewhat unknown and unsolved

The petty dimension I was once in

Has now chnaged altogether unseen

My life was now some sort of game

In desperate ways I had to claim

The part where I was not the pawn

But the player who threw the dice on the board drawn

Everyones in a game I don't understand

With their own codes in their hands

And as they push their pawns on steps

With belligerent acts and loud taps

Was I too petty and unimportant

To be the force that caused the pawn's movement

With wily artful minds holding the front

Impetous attitudes just wants to win the run

So the game is played with feats of endurance

Of valiant players ever so cumbersome

With stroked of luck I could be withdrawn

And placed back alone with empty old songs

The world has turn into a mighty stranger

I'm confused. Just when I thought that everything in the world has finally comein tune with me, it goes off again. It feels like I'm the pawn that is being played on the board. Or I'm the player without the cheat codes. So lost. Everyone seems to be hiding something and I don't know what it is.

Anyways, Give a really big shout out for Derrick who has finally turn 16 to day!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAY !!!!! =]

Go reload your phone.ahahaha

Stinkin Puan Aminah rejected our layout. EESH that stinkin woman. People what is wrong with the word chick??? And the thinker.. its a work of art dammit.. people can be so closed minded sometimes. Are you going to hari bakat?? No, cuz I'm friggin grounded.

21 days in counting to cheer 2008