so judge me already

I have so much going on my mind right now.
And I swear before I blow up, I am going to let it all out.

I am always the one, trying to help, trying to make them better.
Trying to take control of situations.
But how can I do so without the listening to me.

To them, I'm the second.
The rebound.
The OTHER option.
The safe way out.

But what they fu*king forget, is that they are no different from me.

What makes them so much more perfect than me?
good looks? good body? good people skills?
I don't know.
And what makes me the rebound?

I am so annoyed now, and so insulted beyond compare, to think that I am nothing to you.
You would stay with the ones who could have all the fun with you.
But you leave the one who has helped you.
It's like you were taking me for granted.

what are friends, if not just the word to describe a business relationship between two people.
She was right and will always be.
No one could ever be true to you.
No one.
No matter how much they tell you that you can rely on them. You can't.

Words can be said so easily. But do you think that trust can be earned through those few words?
You say it as if it's so easy to speak to you.
But it's not.
I'm not looking for people to judge me.
I'm just looking for someone to listen.
And to tell me above all, that they care too.

Fu*k my life. It was like I was destined to be alone.
Lived like a hermit all my life, and when I finally reach out, I have to recoil again.
And it feels like each time I bear my heart out, someone stabs it because it's fun.

If I were so petty to you, then fine.
If I were so invaluable to you, then you are nothing to me.
I won't crawl the floor for you, because who are you to think otherwise.