Its bad enough that she can order me around like I’m her maid. It’s bad enough that she’s putting words into my mouth. And it’s bad enough she puts all the blame on me and claims that I started it.

I can’t deal with all these. I just can’t.

With all my college assessments going on, and the emotional roller coaster I’m going through, I just can’t afford to take in another.

I don’t know whats right or wrong. the lines between them have blurred so suddenly. What should I do? What should I have done. Questions and more questions are whirling in my thoughts and slowly, they are all leaking out.

I don’t know what to do with her. Does she really plan to hurt me and to disrespect me? Am I to bow down to her every order and to be the one to take it all in? I am the elder one, not her. I am suppose to be the one who cares but how could I after all that she’s done. She changes the story when telling my mum about it, and she’s not afraid of me proving her wrong. Because she knows that I will only be the one who sits beside silently and take in all the blames.

WHY?

Because I don’t want things to go on. I don’t want my parents to be upset. Because I don’t want the sadness and gloom to hang over the family. So its rather I, as one person take it all in and the rest would remain as it is.

I want to be selfish so badly sometimes.

I want to stand up to her and prove her every lie wrong.

I want to so badly.

But I won’t.