The world can be a whole different entity to us, and yet, when its conditions are favourable, it fuses into one whole meaning.
We are not the one who holds authority on the mechanism of the world, and the hands which holds fate with power. But we, succumb to them, victims to the ravenous time that feeds uncontrollably. What more can we do, than to put our hands together and pray? What more is there undone that could be accomplished if we had the courage to do so? What unselfish acts that could be manifest to show that we still stand here, a grain of sand amongst the dunes of the dessert?
I always thought that everything would turn out right, no matter how hard the situation might be, no matter how impossible these conflicts that were unable to be resolved. Now everyting seemed to be holding on to the opposite side, the other side that I still would not bow to. Yes, there were times I thought I had to give up, and there were times too that I just want to run away, away from these haunting that will never cease to stop. But I couldn't.
Was it so different from the others, the diference that somehow mattered so much to me. How could I put them in words when they were unspeakable off? They were secrets that burdened me, that held me down and crushed me. How could they know, what I've been through so I could still stand here regardless of the difficult situation. How would they know how I feel, to still hold on eventhough the rope cuts me? and how.. would they know what to say if they knew the pain that sifted through me, again and again, until I let go and cease to exist all together.
These didn't mattered to them, and a joke they thought it was. But they did not know how I walk through this cold, sorrow winter, alone. Was image their life, their companion and their ticket to places? Was image so great a deal, that even when it involves people who had not done anything at all???... That image needed a sacrifice as so to work its magic that had made so many people, selfish, uncaring and hungry for more?
An maybe, in other people's opinion... You cared for those you want to. I don't know if a myth that is or an un-exiting reality. Because image, after all... was your life and soulmate.Your status and name, your pride and your identity. Put them away for a while, and bend down to see what we've all been fighting for here while you're there having the time of your life, uncaringly.
Time still moves on, time still runs and will not stop.
And I am still slow by a step behind, left to ponder about matters that did not require heartache. So I am afraid, of the coming year, still doubtful of the events that seemed a long time ago. I'm afraid, so afraid that everything will end as it had never begin before. They fade away, like yellowing pages, left torn and tattered, and the words written upon it, that held so much... smothered....and was gone.
