Tuesday, November 12, 2013

i surface

he often talk about things. not things in general like what he has accomplished today, or what he is feeling.

he talks about things that matter. things like pride. things like prejudice. things like falling in love.
every so often, a post comes up mentioning how shallow people could be. how they would abuse their faces to threaten the weak, and how unjustified their actions are. there are posts on how life was a learning lesson, how being in love only on the other side was hard, and how people often disregard themselves of their worth.

what he doesn't know is that i surfaced.

i was swallowed by his glory, and ambitions, and words. i was pulled beneath the dreams he had often talked off. i lingered in his shadow where the light was cast upon him. and i was at awe.

if dreams were so big, where are you now?
if love is so great, how are you lost?
if pride was all that mattered, how have you lived?

the tide pulled me in, and spat me out. i had enough of his petty words and his deep thoughts.
i resurfaced. and i see what was true.

have you truly stayed in the dark? have you loved her but did not receive her love of equals in return?
have you felt the tide rolling in, dragging you by the toes into the dark?
have you?

the truth of how your thoughts maneuver itself still puzzles me. i have yet to understand the things that you do, and the words that you spoke of. your love for her and your pride may still remain a mystery to me. perhaps i was mistaken. perhaps the actions that you lead had a bigger reason, something that i would never come to comprehend. perhaps i was and am still foolish to think that i have understood, and made sense to what you are. that remains unsolved.

but you should know, being hurt is really painful. being judged for what a man's eyes would see when he looks into the sea can only be dark waters. i swim beneath the waves, hoping that you would jump in to open your eyes and glance at me for staring at the ocean would not reveal what is beneath. i waited for you to come. i waited for you to call me. i waited for you with the wind howling in my ears, and the thundering waves crashing upon the shore. but you did not come.

i remain who i was. and i have not changed. beauty still becomes the epitome of what is important. but beauty was not bestowed on me. and i still am the ever ordinary girl who dreams. 

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