the wrong path

today, I feel like writing again. 

I just feel like recent events were all bad choices. 

My stuff got stolen, then my friend found a home that was cheaper and better, 

and I just realized I lost a sum of money. 

Luck has not been on my side lately, and life is just not working out for me. 

I went to Brighton the other day and I saw the my uni's art department. 

And today, I saw a girl who just got accepted to Tisch School of Arts at NYU.

What am I doing here?

Why am I pushing myself into doing I so half-heartedly want to do?

 

Sometimes I wonder, am I walking in the right direction?

Is this the path I would choose for myself?

Is this truly, truly what I want?

I don't know. 

Everyone has dreams. 

And everyone would want to achieve their dreams.

I have dreams of losing myself in colours, and paint.

I have dreams of petals, ruffles, and neverending swirls in a thousand hues.

I have dreams of painting translucent wings, butterflies, pink clouds and gushing waterfalls.

I have dreams of studying art, but I did not want it bad enough.

I guess having dreams doesn't mean that if I strayed from my path, my dreams aren't fulfilled.

Who knows, in the future, that my dreams would suddenly crash onto me.

And what I do now would interlock with what I want to do.

We don't only have one dream.

Dreams do come in plural for a reason.

We can't have everything we want.

But we could work for those that we really need in our lives.

I guess we'll see how my life would turn out to be.

I've made a decision.

And I want to live through it.

This is my dream.

At least, for now.

:)