sometimes i just need a reminder in my life that i am capable of doing anything if i want to.
that i don't need good looks to live. and i don't need to live to please.
i just need to work hard and strive for myself.

I live for myself and no one else.
I don't need anyone else to cope, or to hold on.
I just need me.   :)

life is hard. because the desirable gets all the attention they don't need.
and people flock about them, anxious to be with the new pretty looking girl.
while the less desirable hovers in the background, unnoticed.

enough is enough.
I am different now. And I will b strong for myself.

gave you all i had and you tossed it in the trash

wow. so much for working today.
what started off with a good day turned bad and I am absolutely not in the mood to give a fuck to anyone right now.

some people can be so predictable. even when you think they are good, they aren't.
we all wear a mask and life is like a stage. we dance and prance and show people what we want them to see.
but some ugly truths hide within us and they leak out like water when time becomes desperate.

I'm human. and there are limits to what ONE human can do at a time.
If I play along, then I will. When I don't, then don't fuck with me.

It's bad enough I'm trying to cope. So don't push your luck. Cause I am not taking it. 

i fight for what i think is right

This is for the Karen I love so much. 

Who was strong and insistent on everything she does.

And I hope you continue to be strong for yourself, and the rest who needs you.

Have chosen to work on my off day.

Why? I have no idea too.

I guess I'd rather spend my day working with people than stay home and rot, ALONE.

alone alone alone. 

The one good thing about being at work is that I don't have to be alone. 

The silence drifts me off to painful memories.

Places I no longer want to visit anymore. 

But recently, life has been like high school all over again.

Only when I'd realized she was coming to work with me in the same section.

I guess that feeling never goes away.

How the people here treat me like I don't exist, but they fight to speak to her.

The fact that I'm here to learn makes it all the while more difficult.

No one ha the time to teach me. 

But they have all the time for her.

Beauty isn't everything. What you fight for is.

And I'm going to fight. Whether you stand in my way or not. 

So much to cope. So much to deal with.

But I know I can do more than I am capable of. 

So fight on I will.    :)

waiting for the right time

Its been so long since I last blogged here with any real pictures or sorts. 

I've been so tired with work and all those mental strain of forcing myself to do something I despised most.

As you should know, I've been switched to the kitchen department for the last 3 days and I absolutely miss working in 1885. All the everyday routines have been so familiar to me, and now everything is new again.

I hate not knowing what to do and I hate to stand in people's way when they are obviously working. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough, and it makes me feel so useless. 

I HATE working in the kitchen and three more weeks of this is too long. 

Honestly, I hope things will get better soon. 

gravity pulls me underneath

absolutely hate the new blogger system. posting pictures are so irritable now.
Anyways, had a haircut, spent the night at my ahyee's house and ate good food.   :)

Besides that, coped well with a full house of 54 pax today at the fine dining restaurant..
Received good tips which made up for the long hours and got paid for overtime. HAHA.

Till then, another long day tomorrow and on Monday.
Its going to be valentines day. urgh. the horror. 

lost in time

I’ve written so many drafts with pictures but my live writer wouldn’t let me publish them. shucks.

Anyway, gonna be a long post when I have my off day cause, I got to blog about the new year celebration and all. And there goes my whats supposed to be a daily report of me working in 1885.

The highlight of the evening today was I took order and did flambe !!

and I was scared shitless but I did it. after much pushing around. 

till then. Imma go to bed.