Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Everything else that does not matter

Everything is just so so wrong. Everything has turned the other around so abruptly, I couldn't even feel the ground shaking. Where had it all gone wrong? Had I messed up everything so quickly, I wasn't even able to notice it myself? Things were not suppose to be this way. It had all seemed so perfect just a few days ago. But nothing was ever perfect was it. The madness never goes away, it was there, lurking in my own shadows.

Was I so unconscious of my ownself, that I was not even in control of my own doings anymore? Was I so dark a person? I'm tired, tired of all these self-doubting. Tired of trying to cope with my self. Tired of struggling so hard to really know what is true. But true was never really there forme to find.

What is right and what is wrong?
How is being selfish and thoughts should not be there?
I am torned with this endless struggle.
So petty, with trying to fight away these selfish feelings?

But who is the selfish one and who isn't.
I cannot take away all these anger.
And I cannot take them out either.
I'm trapped inside, burning with all the rage, tortured so violently.

Fuck the world.
Who gives a damn about me.
Fuck life, and the friends who abandoned me.
Fuck the people who did not try to understand.
Because selfish, wasn't me to begin with.
It is the people I do not need, and the drama that was more than enough.

It is amazing, how my thoughts still remain clear, eventhough the insanity has begun to overwhelm me. The strong urge to unleash this rage was too tempting a choice I had to abandone it. I could only fight inside myself, unsure of what to do, and where to go.

So afrain of the lonelines that slowly starts to engulf me. And I am being thrown into the dark.
There is nothing worth holding on to, nobody worth fighting for.
There is only me and myself, and the light that is taken away from me.

As I slowly subside into the insignificant sidelines, I wonder will I resurface.

1 comment:

Jenn Chew said... !!