Cold wind that blunders itself through my veins

Its cold. It always is to me. The flooding warmth has been lost, a very long time ago. If I would have been blogging two years ago, I guess my words would not have been so grin and sullen. Life as it seems, could always be so different. And I could be so oblivious to its many petty changes. This desolate place, barren and dour, is choking me. I falter before I could step back, for I could not be so impetous again. Mistakes to me are insubstantial revelations. And to come out from them, needed adequate courage. I admit that I could not be ardent about that other side of things that somehow made life still bearable to me. The world could still be vague, but the frivolous malevolence could still be seen. A blue sky to shade the grew ones was deplorable, but how long would that last. How long could I last against this torment, that I have so foolishly created myself. Frail that I am, against my own will, as I try to impel myself to forget. Forget. The word could always be so easily said. Incredulous of course, if one was to be able to so easily complete that task. Detestful, I am against myself... For the falling that I should have so easily restraint from. Forbearance towards these delusions and the other dreams that I have created. I walk away into this raining night, trying to leave everything out of sight. I guess this commendation was just another breath taken in.

Dresses for sale

Beige
Starched cotton
Adjustable straps

Black chiffon
Tiered
Sequined straps and bodice

Anyone interested in these clothes?
Brand new. Bought but didn't like it.
Fits most people from size 4 to size 8.
Ask me for the price. :)

They're really really nice.

So much for the glimmer of hope, what was I thinking?

Why does everything have to be so bloody difficult? The tears and the spur-of-the-moment kind of joy. The laughing and the never ending dreams I could stay about in forever. But nothing was real and solid. Nothing! What am I doing? Trying to please someone so bloody hard, when we both know, and so does the rest of the world.. it will never come out right. Someone has to come out with a mangled heart. And the best part is that the other person does not have to know. So gullible I am, and so stubborn with not accepting that is who I am. I keep slipping away into dreams, but of course they aren't real. How could the ever be. All the nonsense I've left in my own head..... Struggling to come out, but I can't. The world can be so uncanny at times. Always changing.. But the rest of us are stuck here, forced to move with it.

Have you ever felt like sometimes, you are not what you want to be.. And the craving for perfection gets to you, until you can't stop wallowing yourself in hate and abhorance? Maybe not. But I have. Some of us gets lucky, and some of us just don't. Its hard to let reality sink in. And the pain starts slowly from there, and it never stops.

Maybe just for a while, when laughter takes you in. And the rest of the world does not seem to matter. But how long would that ever last. Falling in love was never for the weak. For the weak will not be able to go against the torrential downpour, against the grey clouds that infiltrate the blue sky, against the endless pain and hopeless longings.

Hope would seem like a joke. How could anyone believe in that anymore? Because I don't.
If everything just seem so easy, if only I knew how to look the other way.... If only I could abstain from falling. But I didn't know.

The clouds will still roll on thick, fluffy parts, and the rain would just come falling.
And I would still be here standing, drenched in wretched tears, and the descending of the rain.
I would never be different. I would never be her. I would never be the girl I had so long dreamt of. I would never be the fictional character with all too happy endings. I won't.
And nothing changes.

Da dee da da dumm

I'm feeling all mellow today.

I really miss Miss Beh's concert last year. I've bet everyone heard of this a thousand times before. But everyday for two whole months, I could only think of meeting my friends for practices. There are no worries, no sadness, just free. Okay, maybe we had to meet the deadline for souvenirs and ended up staying really late for the whole thing. But it was all worth it. And I absolutely love every moment of it. Its almost a year since then. I can't help smiling at all the stupid pictures taken then. Laughter everywhere, everday. Joy joy joy. :)

This is what life should be about. No, this is what a teenager's life should be about.

Physics tuition tonight. Tata.
I still try to stop feeling so lowly of myself. Nevertheless, I'm happy today.

The only season left in my world is the never ending winter, and the spring that did not come

Its always the rows we had that complicated things. They weren't even proper rows. Just harsh words that mean nothing to her. But to me. I wasn't even suppose to be involved. And I don't even know how the fuck did I get involved. It's so damn irritating sometimes. I hate it. Its always her. Everything petty little thing is taken to consideration. And then when she's not happy, she blows. Control your damn emotions. Because this is one life I cannot take.

I am trying to live with it everyday.
So stop pushing me.

The song emanates from within creates
an anguish way of everything
And words become incomprehensible
Strewn about
they turn into nothingness

UNtouched by you

Hello.
I am up bright and early today. Don't I always.
Anyway, was about to go down to study when I saw the computer calling out my name.
Not literally. Just metaphorically speaking.
And so here I am.
Comtemplating on whether I should skip Terry's add maths exams.
I hate sitting for add maths. Its such a stupid subject.
Would not let it ruin my day.

Moving on....
Went to 1 u to look at some dresses.
I didn't know looking for a dress would be so difficult. With my mum's opinion and mine.
We have very VERY different idea on the concept of prom.
So much for buying the perfect dress.

We'll have to leave at that for later. Taa....

Unable to stay, unwilling to leave

One week of trials is finally over people!

I am semi happy.
If that really counts as a descriptive term.

Bio bio bio. Biology was okayy I guess.
Despite all the last minute cramming and endless workbooks that I've done.
Sheesh. Sometimes its really annoying.

Then there's chemistry.
I don't think I wanna talk about that.
One week of peace.
Wait, I have add maths exam coming up....