love me like the strong currents that pours onto the shore

the changes are moving too quickly.

like water currents, that splashes onto the beach, and withdraws out again. it ebbs and flow with a soft rhythm, but rushes at the same time, as though running out of time.

I don’t know how I am suppose to approach this. Everything’s different now. With changes moving so quickly I can’t catch the movements and the ticking of time.

Will you bail on me, just like they have done?

Will you change so quickly, as other did before you?

Will you remain the same as them? 

After all, they could be the same as you.

when they say speak now

I guess I’m a kind of queer person. Sometimes thinking and imagining things in a more different perspective than usual.

I envy them, but I am unable to do the same. I will not put myself in that situation again, and I will not torment others to be in mine too. It hurt, and I’ve only taken so long to climb out of this dark hole.

Now, I try to be happy, and love the company I have and the things I am doing now. I live my life to the very fullest, and fill up every space of my life with doing things that makes me happy.

No longer will I wait, or believe in those fairytales they tell. I only believe that I will achieve if I chase reality and not those surreal lies.

You have killed my hopes before. But now I have returned, stronger and happier. And yes, I didn’t need you to be happy after all.

you see me as I really am. I’m drowning to keep from fighting till the end

Another very unproductive week. Have been sleeping late these few days stressing again about stuff. I swear I’m gonna get old really really soon.

Went to KL yesterday. Was a really random decision.

Walked around town to check out all the hotels in the area. The hotels are like so friggin gorgeous. (wish I was mad rich) The whole city was crowded with people and we walked from one end to another. I honestly can’t wait for my internship now.  

Until then, there’s no much to report about. The week passed was as boring as ever.

OH, but I forgot to mention I did bartending this week for service class. I’ll have to do service for the next class. I’m starting to hate this class. I can’t serve for shits ! The last experience was a nightmare and just the thought of me made me cringe.

Anyway, there’s not much to say. Everyone is busy with their results and their applications for their internships.

Till then.   (:

you’re a monster

I hate her I hate her. So much for standing behind me when I feel like falling. So much for being there for me. So much for encouraging me in achieving something greater. Please.

I just realized how much I have to struggle on my own. How much I hate coming home to see your face. How much I despise having to disappoint you by not being up to your standards. It makes me feel so despicable.

I know I’m never going to be good enough. And I never wanna try pleasing you anymore. Its so tiring. And I cannot take it anymore. If you don’t agree, then its fine with me. From here on end, you don’t determine where I go. I do.

As for the rest, I have no choice but to put up with you. But I know soon, It will all be over when I leave.

a different point of view

dancing, jumping the notes to a song

she suddenly felt like they belong

and though she wasn't all that strong

she knows she can just fly along

the wind's soft music are calling out

to the dancers in their hideout

the moon has risen, away and far out

waiting for the withered drought

and though all this just makes no sense

I'll let the time dance and commence

for now there is just no suspense

to leave these words under my pretense

Am feeling so lazy this weekend. Have finally settled with my house chores and the posters.

And now I've ran out of things to do.

Will look for a book to read. :)

to feel this snow that soaks the ground

the words unwritten remain unfound

to hide away this light is earthbound

and down the waters this place has drown

so run and run and run this far

this place won't stay, it leaves a scar

we fight along within this war

swords in hand, and a hanging cigar

the weathered grass still sleeps in the cold

not bothered by light still standing so bold

leave here now for this place is getting old

stepping outbound away from this threshold

save me

I am angry. I am very very angry. In fact, I am in such a rage I feel like blowing up the house.

But I won't. Why?

Cause I am stupid and I know I will regret it very much later.

But there is no harm in bitching about her, because bitch about her I will.

I am tired of lying for her. I am tired of trying to cover up everything for her.

I am fucking tired. But nobody cares.

Its so hard to become the good character. Why can't I just be the villain.

It wouldn't make much of a difference except that I have a heart and she doesn't.

You would be the reason I left home.

And I anticipate the coming year where I won't be home for three months.

I am anticipating it. I'd rather stay alone, far away from any contacts for a while than face her bloody needs all the time. I swear she lives to enslave me. Its like her only reason to live.

TO ENSLAVE ME !!!

I don't know why am I so angry about this.

I am tired. To the brink that I bring the people around me down.

I swore to myself that everything will be okay.

And even then, I would try to stay happy.

But for those moments, I just can't.

How could one person take in all of these nonsense.

My life is nothing but a game, the part where I'm losing.

And it feels like I would only have a one in a million chance of staying alive.

Its that all.

That my life is at stake, and I am trying to survive on my own.

There's nobody here anymore.

I am all alone.

And yet, I take on the world.

I take on the things that I know would be impossible.

But I challenge myself at every angle.

I swerve and turn, and I run over the words and lies I had to keep.

Because, after holding on for so long.

I know it will end.

Somehow.