What is it all about?

What was right after all?
To have someone falling after you when you are in love with someone else.

Funny isn't it?
You go through so much...
And to have someone else feeling the same way too... Just not the one you wish it was.




Went out with KY last Sunday. Waited for her for almost two hours why?? Because her mom was asleep..haih. Lucky I had my mum.
Anyway, finally met up with her outside starbucks and went to curve flea market. It was raining damn it. My sandals were soaked wet, and so are my pants. The shops were all covered with plastic thingi and we can barely see anything inside. Walked about until the raining stopped and went to buy stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. Well, most were KY's anyway. hahaa
Nothing much to blog about. The hols were as lifeless and dead. Even exams were much mor exciting. I am currently trying to read physics all over again. See how lifeless I can be. =]

I wan this. Its so damn cute!

Last day of school was on Wednesday, well for the form 4s and form 3s. We had to stay in either the AV room or the Music room as not to disturb the SPM sitters. The atmosphere was damn tensed. Walked around, chat, listened to music...bla bla. It was boring, but I'm there to risk the few last minutes of my time.

See you guys next year. =]

I hope things still doesnt change.
I'm sorry.

Miss Beh's charity concert on the 7th. Dancing? Stomping? Choir? Playing the violin?

Yes I'm freaking out. Because I'm alone at practice. Best of luck for me. =]

Ink upon tattered pages

The world can be a whole different entity to us, and yet, when its conditions are favourable, it fuses into one whole meaning.

We are not the one who holds authority on the mechanism of the world, and the hands which holds fate with power. But we, succumb to them, victims to the ravenous time that feeds uncontrollably. What more can we do, than to put our hands together and pray? What more is there undone that could be accomplished if we had the courage to do so? What unselfish acts that could be manifest to show that we still stand here, a grain of sand amongst the dunes of the dessert?

I always thought that everything would turn out right, no matter how hard the situation might be, no matter how impossible these conflicts that were unable to be resolved. Now everyting seemed to be holding on to the opposite side, the other side that I still would not bow to. Yes, there were times I thought I had to give up, and there were times too that I just want to run away, away from these haunting that will never cease to stop. But I couldn't.

Was it so different from the others, the diference that somehow mattered so much to me. How could I put them in words when they were unspeakable off? They were secrets that burdened me, that held me down and crushed me. How could they know, what I've been through so I could still stand here regardless of the difficult situation. How would they know how I feel, to still hold on eventhough the rope cuts me? and how.. would they know what to say if they knew the pain that sifted through me, again and again, until I let go and cease to exist all together.

These didn't mattered to them, and a joke they thought it was. But they did not know how I walk through this cold, sorrow winter, alone. Was image their life, their companion and their ticket to places? Was image so great a deal, that even when it involves people who had not done anything at all???... That image needed a sacrifice as so to work its magic that had made so many people, selfish, uncaring and hungry for more?

An maybe, in other people's opinion... You cared for those you want to. I don't know if a myth that is or an un-exiting reality. Because image, after all... was your life and soulmate.Your status and name, your pride and your identity. Put them away for a while, and bend down to see what we've all been fighting for here while you're there having the time of your life, uncaringly.

Time still moves on, time still runs and will not stop.

And I am still slow by a step behind, left to ponder about matters that did not require heartache. So I am afraid, of the coming year, still doubtful of the events that seemed a long time ago. I'm afraid, so afraid that everything will end as it had never begin before. They fade away, like yellowing pages, left torn and tattered, and the words written upon it, that held so much... smothered....and was gone.

Hello world. I'm free from these cold chains that bounds me, holding me close with there monstrous papers that has the word future written all over it. Okay, I did mean it in a "hiperbola" kind of way =]

Yesterday was the end already. Everyone in class was talking during the late two exams. You can actually hear answers being thrown across the room... So if you get lucky, you can pick them up. But whether to believe it or not, its up to you.

Anyway, why am I still talking bout exams. IT"S OVER!!!!
Can't help rejoicing in that.
Went ou with Juat Lee and watched *drum roll* Quantum of Solace. Cool? Definately. I really love the beginning of the show, the part where he was being chased and everything was in chaos. ]
I 'd just prefer Pierce Brosnan than Daniel Craig. He's face a little too wrinkly for my taste.

Exams are over... But I wanna wish all those form fives out there GOOD LUCK kay. Dont' faint just because you see your future being written on paper. =]

I'm gonna really plan my holidays this time. Not including studying but reading story books, yes.
I'm gonna go shopping shopping shopping and nobody can stop me, except the screaming that comes from my wallet. Ohh, well that can't be helped anyway.

See you guys next year!!

Insanity has driven me to the end

Sejarah today...Damn freaked out. hahaa.. My phone was ringing non-stop yesterday night because I had to open my mouth and ask everyone if they wanted tips. Was busy studying sejarah during physics. Poor poor Mr.Yeoh, I think he probably hates me now. But who could say no to sejarah.

Anyway, I decided to sit at Rebecca's place. Ergh hmm..Yes Rebecca as in the one in my class. No comments please, don't ask me where did I attained the courage to sit at her seat but I did. Well, because frankly my sejarah results is much more important to me than hygiene now. I'm DESPERATE!!! But don't get me wrong. She didn't sit at my seat, but sat at shariman's instead. *whispers a prayer* =]

Sejarah was crap crap crap to the end. I was halfway freaking out before I'd even open the test paper. What a coward..hahaa. Its sejarah for heaven's sake, thank Junaidah and thank the world for the very existence of T-I-P-S. Junaidah ia a nice teacher eventhough I don't even know how she look like . Ohh well, there probably wouldn't be enough time if I were to get to know the whole world right?

Lalalaa. Can't wait till next week. I'm free I'm free. Well not till then. There's still one more week to go. That will be approximately 5 days which is exactly 35 hours. =]
I'm going nuts.
Fair warning to you.

People can change and sometimes,
they change in a way you'd never understand.
But we shouldn't avoid them because of mistakes done a long time ago.

Forgive and forget and start over again.

Anyone looking for an english lit class please notify me.
I need people. =]
*whispers * I suck in advertising. But you get my point.

You lied as though there were no rules to abide

Sometimes we hide the truth, as so that we wouldn't hurt ourselves deeper than the pain felt now.
We make the necessary actions and arrangements, and say the necessary words, so to comfort the guilt we carry or we assume that we are guilty of.

Life has its ways, and each way branches out into different paths that will eventually lead to different places.
Everything, no matter how long or how much time it consumes, will still end somehow.
And when it ends, we move on.

We are all born that way, like a mechanism built to move on regardless the pain or sorrow.
But we look forward to the end, for the pain throughout the wait may hurt a little too much.

When we lose our way, we sober and wonder why us?
But we should know that each obstacle faced on the way is just like a speed bump on the highway.
One that everybody without exceptions, has to go through.

Yes, we look back at times to see how far we've made it.
We reminisce old images and rekindle aged friendships.
these are the accomplishments we've made so far, and not to be look down as failures.
And so, no matter how deep the wound, in due time will heal, and finally move on from there.

LOuD ' 08

Mangoes anyone???

Hello, excuse the really irate post below.

Loud...was well..loud. hahaa
Walked around outside the auditorium before the concert. Saw Ashley performing with ORD (One Red Paperclip). They were awesome, but Ashley's voice was a little faint. Anyways, the song was okay. Hahaa. The next band were telling cold jokes after their performance. Everyone stared at them and hesitated a little before clapping.

Spent most of my time walking around and around with KY. I mean practically around and around the whole building. Walked, talked, watched....yada yada. Didn't get to take much pictures though. There were a lot of people there.

And so finally went into the big auditorium and with great difficulty, find seats to sit down. I really love the stomping at the beginning of the show. It really was an awesome beginning. Then, they threw gifts which of course was for the few front row. *screams throw further* Anyways, sat back and enjoyed the concert. But actually I spent my time standing up screaming and jumping my head off with KY.

It was a night I surely didn't expect. Not in a bad way I guess.

Mum and Kim watching RisePeople falling off buildings

Watched 'The Happening' yesterday. Me and my sister were mostly screaming throughout the whole movie. It was so friggin violent. In case you didn't know, this movie is about plants that felt threatened by mankind, so they release a kind of toxin that was airborne and everyone who breathes it becomes physically disoriented and finally lead to suicidal acts. The toxins released by the plants interfered with the neurons in the brain, causing man to commit the most brutal suicidal acts. There was one part where this girl took out the pin in her hair and stabbed the nape of her neck. Then there was this old man who turned on the lawnmower and lay down infront of it for him to be run over. Yuck!!! Thrilling.

Its true that I did not know, or even realise what really was going on outside. But now I see everything with new clarity never before. I finally put my head up and realize that this were all illusions after all. To have spent all my time thinking about it, now its just gone. My dream and the very reason I live through each day is now taken away from me. Everything was just so sudden. I feel as though I was robbed of my senses now, leaving me empty and my life meaningless. I finally figured it out, how perfectly everything just falls into place. The only part that didn't belong in there was me and my foolish self. Did it have to take so long? Was all of them just illusions after all, meaningless acts that brought nothing more than pain? Maybe now, I'll be at ease and hopefully move on and away from this monstrous nightmare.

And so in the end, cinderella remained as she was.
Cleaning the cinders left behind in silence and in rags.
Happily ever after.

When life turns, they turn

You think you knew someone but you don't really know what happens when your back is turned.
You were trusted with something and who could in their sane mine would abuse that trust.
You think I did not know. You think I was that naive?
I just couldn't believe what I've heard. How could you be such a bitch.
And you certainly know who I'm referring to.

You aren't in my place, you aren't me.

You don't know and don't understand what I feel.
You think its so cool talking behind people's back.
You think its so fucking amusing to make fun of people. Bitch! I trusted you.
Acting like you were a best friend, acting like everything will remain a secret.
I know you've got all the friends in the world, and I know you've got everything you could ever want.
But until when, will you stop acting like everything is yours.
So, bitch. What have you got to say?
A curse a swear or more backstabbing cause that is what you have devoted your whole life into rite?
You should know how it feels like since you've been through it before.
But I was never in my place to judge you.
And you were never in your low common place to judge me too.
Keep your fucking critisism to yourself.
And all your fucking sucking up to yourself.
Keep your bitchy self and your bitchy ego to your own face.
Oh, remember, not everybody is in love with you, even though you think they are.
And even if they really do, your time will come when you will just rot in hell.
Like all bitches do.

So now I still have the courtesy to ask you to get the fuck out of my life.
And take your fucking pride with you too.