Wo zai ni de shen ying jing jing de zhou

Hiya peeps,

Didn't attend school today. No I'm not trying to skip school, jut prefer studying at home. Online?? Just awhile. Can't seem to stay away from the computer.
Theres nothing much to blog about besides waiting for the holidays to come really soon.
And finals to end quickly.

Bought a tank top last Sunday. I dyed it red, but it turned out pink, haha. Had a little red heart sewn to it. =]

Okay fine, my life may not be as interesting as it should be..haha.. But well, I'm still growing up right?

Is it okay to seize time when its your chance to. Is it okay to grab hold on one you can't lose and let go when the time comes? Is it okay to hide when you're afraid to face whats happening?
I dont know anymore.



Gravity- sara bareilles
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I
Can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're onto me, onto me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

In love with this song. Hear the accapella version. =]

=]

Just a little insight on whats on my mind. I've rested the whole Dad/College issue thingi so I'm okay.. =]
Exams are still coming up and I still am not putting my head in books. Why? I don't know. It seems that I still have a few things that I can't put off. They still linger somewhere up there.
The end of the year is coming so soon. Can you believe it?? Just a year ago we were like friggin strugglin for our PMR. Yeah, and the pressure was there.
And now, here we are. Still struggling ( except for the mataharians ) in our studies, striving hard for just a fraction of a better future. Well. Life is life.

Reality, definately is

Missed school and went out to have breakfast.

Dad
Me

Dad which college did you attend?
Taylors
Ohh, Taylors... I want to go there too.
It depends on what you want to learn.
I wanna learn language and arts.
Personally, I think you're not bright enough to take accountancy.
What?
Accountancy teaches you all about money.
But I will have to take another extra subject.
Yea, you see uncle xxx took accounts and now he's a rich man.
Bitch

Dad has never been so supportive of me. In my studies and my sport. None of my parents ever were. I hated him today for what he said. Was it so true?? NO! He's wrong, he is damn fucking wrong. Not bright enough??!!! Who gave him the fuckin right to say that. What does he know about me. Bitch. I'm angry and I can't even talk to my mum about it, eventhough I know ahe won't be as harsh as dad. I hated him so so much. So now I know, what he really thinks of me.

My life still goes on as it is. So much pain.

And when will these end, eventhough I don't want them too. All the pain mixed up with good longing memories.
Because everytime, I do something, it just bring me back again. Swallowed by nostalgia, being pulled into time where everything was just the way they were and will forever remain. Now, I understood why people wants time to just stop there. At that very moment. Cause, we never want it to end.

This one is for you

So there will be dreams to be be dreamt of, and wishes to be fulfilled. But will the actions go along with the instincts?? I don't think so.

Mum is still crazy with the mcdonald incident. I think she is still silently mending her broken heart. Finals is coming ever so soon. And I'm in love with breaking dawn. =]

I'm still having the same dream over and over again. It doesn't make sense, or is my unconscious self is trying to tell me something. Something that it seems, unable to be deciphered. I'm confused. So many colours and voices going all at once. I try to say something but nothing comes out. Its puzzling.

I'm missing you already, its been so short a time when we first met and got along together. I remebered always teasing you about your really really deep way of speaking english, especially when it comes to British english. You'd help me sometimes with my poor math skills and we'd laugh about it together. And then, we spent tons of our time talking about everything there was to talk about. Now, I barely see you and its been so long. I hold dear to those memories we've shared together eventhough they're slipping away. Like water trickling from my fingers onto the ground below. Absorbed and gone forever. You were there all the time, and I have appreciated that. You weren't just one, but many fused into one face. A special being not many sees. During those lonely times, I've always thought about you. And I want you to know that you will always remain a special part of me, one that will never leave no matter how time has swallowed whats left of our lives. Be happy eventhough you never needed that saying. =] I will find mine one day.

Until we meet again. I love you lots. Gratitude cannot express how much I thank you for your timeless presence and magic ways of putting that smile back on my tear-stained face. See ya, and remeber to get me souvenirs when I get back. You do know what I want right?? haha. Yes..you'd guessed it. Mat Salleh Candidates. X]

Remember to write back and hope that I can still survive without you. =] Enjoy and take care. This one is for you!!!!!

Is this the whole picture or is it just the start

Is life a part of a puzzle or is it just the picture.

I'm trying to walk alone, but I've begun to change.

I needed someone here with, is that too much to complain?

There were a million reasons to be gone away...

A million questions unanswered they say...

These unexplained changes are starting to occur..

When would I be let go?

Closure?

I finally finally set up the computer. Had to reinstall everything. Felt super super lazy. I finally am able to read Breaking Dawn today.. HAha. I know its late but you can't blame me for running low on green papers that the world revolves around. Breaking Dawn..haih...my precious precious. Fine fine, my (rented for exactly 30 days) precious. Will not reveal any spoilers here. Go get the book for those who haven't read yet. Its awesome!!!!!

Didn't hear any fireworks yesterday eventhough I live near 1u, the curve and ikano. Mum said there were fireworks but it lasted only for a while. Guess nobody seems to care about our country anymore. I wonder how was the Avril Lavinge concert. It was raining that friday night.

Grandma just came down from Penang with her sister-in-law. I'm seriously bored to death besides reading bio and doing add maths. I really have to start studying. Theres like only a month left to finals. Sheeeet.

My story is coming about, but I'm running out on scenes. Elaborated too much and the scene is never going anywhere. Gotta consult my partner, Alethea. Never underestimate her writing skills. =]

Missing out on my social life lately. I'm dying to go out somewhere. Anyone care to join me??

Not what I asked for, do you see me behind this withered door?

Sometimes, I wish I was somebody else
Sometimes, I wish I had someone else's family
Sometimes, I wish I had more freedom
Sometimes, I wish I was more inviting
Sometimes, I wish I was smarter
, I wish life wouldn't be so hard on me
Sometimes, I wish I wasn't here.

Even though life did not go where I want it to go, it will pass one way or another. Its like going on a journey, walking on a road with only one path. Its either we walk through it or go back. There's no other secret road or hidden path. It has to be gone through. Troubles and decisions and many other inhumane events have brought me to realize that it will pass. How long will it remain there? days, weeks, months, years??? Maybe, but it will pass.

How long have I walked upon rocks that tears the skin apart? How long have I tread upon glass that draws blood as you walk? How long have I stepped on burning pebbles that burns the skin into black ash?

Long enough.

Theres nothing to plead or beg for, but to silently walk over fears and troubles that burdens the soul as it lays unmoving upon the shoulders. Wishing it wasn't you, wishing it will go away. Closing your eyes and imagine this is a dream. But when you lift those heavy eyelids, it comes back, bringin back more horrors unseen before.

But this is where I am already. This is where I have stood for so long. Alone. So scared that it will come back, not trusting anyone in the world, not knowing who to ask for help, not knowing which next step to take. Unsure of everything. Wishing someone else was there to find comfort in. Wishing the universe would just turn around and banish all fears that walked upon this earth.

And them theres something else untold. Some secret that weighs more than the sky above each acre of land. That secret which changes someone into another being, to turn their lives the other way round. And maybe..cause even more sufferings.

So why is this all just another tree by the side. Or a broken branch laying still upon the ground. Or the sun that beats down upon that path. Another obstacle in the way, another problem to solve, another trouble to go through. And in the end, it will all pass.