I dwelled endlessly on the past, trying to escape the emptiness that wouldn't go away

I know and I've tried my hardest. But now, all I want is things to quiet down. Now, I'm being left along to figure out whats going on.

Went to the library with Wen today and did Biology and add maths. Exams are coming and I can only say one thing bout chem...It sux!!! Okayy fine. maybe its cuz I didn't study hard enough..lol. I will try my best.. =]

Sometimes, I wonder when I'm alone. I wonder about present happenings and some certain people. And when I wake up each morning, I try hard to recall my dreams cuz they are what I want to think or want or wish to happen most. My subconcious mind just drifts off to somewhere and show me what I deeply long to see. Then, only will I know what I want most.
I've recently read a novel by Nicholas Sparks called, Dear John. It is a touching love story of two people who couldn't be together though they were a match made in heaven. And then, I sat on my bed and wonder... well, at least they have each other and they know that they love one another. Better than loving someone, but knowing that you will never be the one that someone loves. Its just a thought that some how lingers around me. But still, I will always hope for the best.

Such a funny thing, the way fate works. Sometimes it turns out the way you always want it to be, sometimes it don't. But it doesn't matter cuz you can create fate too!!! BTW, ppl... tomorrow is mother's day, get her something or make her something!!! =]

I've learned to move on

I was so busy thinking bout myself that I forgot what you've done for me. You were always there when I needed you most. Never forgetting to lend me a shoulder when I was down or in the blues. Its my fault that I was so caught up with myself that I've placed you in the shadows, never knowing what you wanted. Give me a chance to prove myself and let my shoulders be yours to lie on. Thank you for everything, I love you!!!! You rock my world.

Things doesn't last long do they... I've been there and back and it wasn't worth anything at all. Suddenly everything comes to a halt, leaving you to sit there and wonder...And in the process, hurting yourself. Knowing that this will happen, why do they still go after it? Why? because love is a beautiful and wonderful thing. The special bond shared between two people is not one that could be found everywhere. And though I may be hurt to be the one putting everything in a risk while the other side never does anything at all, I have learned from that.

It isn't what she does and will never try,

It isn't worth the word goodbye.

It isn't worth the tears fallen at night,

And it isn't worth the hurt felt inside.

Oh and yea, i will never forget the wonderful Chin Sue Zen who has turned 16 last Wednesday.

Hugs for you and good luck in everything you do... xp

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chin Sue Zen

You're the bomb.. And you know that..smiles

the guilt deep within myself

I confess cuz thats what you want me to do right? Admit that I'm wrong. Yes I admit that I'm wrong. I went out somewhere without your permission, but the thing is that I lied to you. You thought that You could trust me but you can't can you? I felt guilty at first. Yes it's my fault that I went out somewhere without your permission. But you had to tell the whole world. ya, tell the whole world what I've done. Now I'm doing you a favour aren't I? I'm practically telling the whole world. I felt really bad when you called and I spilled my guts out. Its not Whitney's fault or Yinky's, whats there to be disappointed in them? I don't get you, they can go out let them be la. I somehow feel lost now. I dont know should I feel bad or angry, cuz I'm feeling so bloody friggin angry right now. Yea tell dad and all your collegues. Tell them your daughter is bad and a disappointment. Tell them I'm stupid and useless and not worth caring for. Yes, I'm guilty and feel bad for disappointing you. I don't even know what got into me. Why did I just walk out of the house like that and just leave. You tell me that if I just go out and get raped one day then its my fault. Are you saying that you want it to happen? I'm not going alone or sitting in some stranger's car. So what if I did get kidnap? Will you stay home and say ya its her fault, she got herself into this. So, you're saying I'm a sweet mouth and what i say are all lies. I dont know. i dont know anything at all. I dont wan to hear anything anymore. I will just probably do what you want me to do. Wallow myself in guilt and just kill myself out of desperation.
I'm sorry for lying and you have all the reason to doubt what i say. I deserve nothing from you and you should never trust me anymore. I'm done. I wished I had gone to school and none of this would have happened. You think that all of this was being planned out from the beginning but no. I tell you its not.

I don't know how I feel anymore

I'm being so unsure of myself, not knowing which path is right. I've spoken things that I thought could hold onto. Words that I thought would keep me safe and stop me from doing it all over again. It won't be right, would it, to hurt so many people. I've stood solidly on my ground so far and I'm still standing. But the question is, how long can I stand?? I have my reasons to doubt myself and everything around me. I am what I am on the outside and that is a fact that I can never change. That small, insifnificant me. In this world full of rage and lies, I will somehow cope and learn to improve myself a little better. I close my eyes and try to shut everything from me, to see what lies true beneath everything. In this small bubble of mine, I hear whispers all around , somehow giving me faith to strive and thrive again. I know that what matters may not be, but a try will worth it in a way. So, I sit down and pray, head up high staring at the sky outside, praying hard all will go well for me. And that no matter what I do, right or wrong, someone will be there for me , watching me and guiding me.. It may hurt a little now then, but the end will worth the pain inflicted. Every slash and bruise on the very skin of my soul will have a meaning in one way or another. So I will go on and keep moving forward, but sometimes , stop awhile and look behind me.

Where the dream takes you

Where do these dreams of mine take me?? A place to soar, without hesitation? A place where sorrow is banned and lives come anew?? That will be a glimpse of heaven.

Did my T-shirt printing yesterday and it was awesome, everything turned out right.. Thanks a bunch to the greatest artist ever lee joe ian. haha.

Was having a camera war with lai yee but i'm lazy to post all the pther really really weird pictures down....dats me...lazy lazy
Lai yee's muffin print..cute
I made blueberry cupcakes the other day with a lil help from my maid... Didn't make much. was actually a little experiment and it tasted real good. In the end , my fathere ate nearly all of them..lols

Sights in KL

Whitney's burfday gift, which was a few "years" old already.. lazy to post..XP

A cake made out of sweets, awesome ehh??

Its time to sit down and think of all that came to past, and all that is about to come. Stay strong and never give up, someone once told me and reminded me again. Am I being too weak now, and not once before? When it will be my turn will I hold on to that chance that comes by? Will I be that lucky girl I hoped for long and before long? Cherishing and enjoying that microsecond moment given. The shining parts of my lives and all the unsignificance of it makes it worth the while. Cause I know now who will truly be there when I fall. I'm sorry guys if I'ved changed but you will know somehow, the way i think and learn and heal too. I'm glad to know I have someone to talk to and listen too. Am I too weak to let go?

The end of everything, a fitting ending to all that once started anew

Trust, something that must be built and earned greatly. Trust is all above others. And I trusted, but somehow, someoe betrayed that trust of mine, the trust that she has earned from me now taken away. If you really want to know, I have ended everything. He is no more what I onced long for. It is all over, a fitting ending like what I've said. He no longer conquers my mind and no longer earns what I owe. I will keep to myself and a clean cut is done. His presence does not linger in my mind, no longer. His image will not haunt me in my dreams anymore. Its all over. I will no go back from whence my life was. No one will be placed before my eyes, and nothing will make me stray from what I have decided. I may not be tough, but I don't care. I may not be able to fight for what I want , but that matters not, for I am done with it. Why should I burden myself with these feelings that will never progress. Why should I hurt mydelf deeply and go against what I stood for. No more. And i will find the one whom has betrayed the very trust earned hard from me, for I do not simply trust someone, or anyone for that matter.

Will you still stay with me when fire engulves me whole

My name is on the radio..haha..cool
me and ky

I cleaned the house for moral kerja amal...hahaa can you believe it..

I don't understand what is goin on..Why is everything such a blur and why can't it just be in black and white...Things are just not what they meant to be are they. All the talk and gossips behind backs that may be true and some may not be what they seem. Being soft and following what other people do is what I've always been doing..And still in the end, If anyone knew at all..I'm being pulled down in that deep deep hole too. Monstrous lies and schemes that didn't have any good intentions at all seems to find their way around. Will I eventually come out to the surface or be buried by the lies that weigh upon me. Because all I hear are soft whispers that follows the wind....I hover nearby and yet I still can't hear it anymore clearly. The mist is a wall only I can't seem to penetrate.

Many things have been going on lately and then there exams too..... OMG....I seriously am burdened by everything. Would anyone lift it off for me.. I'm still happy bout one thing though, Its fate I know, because it links everything in this world to me.

I've falled for you, deeply...but would you fall for me???